Community Chat

[chickenbutt]

I'm having some frustrations right now, so maybe I'm speaking through that a little bit, but - maybe she just needs to deal with her own stuff with her mother.

If she expects you to help her, then she needs to not make it so difficult for you to help her.

I'm all for helping people when I can, but good grief - you can only take so much.

[maestra]

As far as her daughter is concerned, let this be her problem, not yours.

She (the mom) needs to develop some new 'habits, such as looking for the light on the answering machine.

If I were you I would distance myself from all of this drama, and let it be known why.

[mrsbear]

Thanks for the advice-we have been friends for over 40 years-I have helped her many times with issues of technology and have sometimes run interference for her.  I'm sure that could be called enabling but we have helped each other.  This issues has just become a sticking point.  Have a good evening all.  

[goldensrbest]

First i think there is something else going on with her, because as a grandmother, her watching her grand child,and no landline there, only common sense says she needs a cell phone with her,charged and ready to go, in case something would happen.

[DiAnne]

Boy, this hits close to home.  I do have a cell phone for emergencies.  It is in my purse turned off (so the battery will last longer).  I do not give my cell phone number to people because I want them to phone on my landline.  I also do not call people on their cell phones unless it is a major emergency.  I do not have a need to or want to be available 24/7.  I would rather not talk on cell phones because the quality usually stinks.  My daughter handles this with a sigh.  

[Mominohio]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

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@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

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        She hasn't asked you to do a darm thing.  If her daughtr calls you to track her down, decline.  Just say, I don't know where your mom is and hang up.  Her supposed heart condition is HER business.  Not yours.  There seems to be much more to this story, you seem to have a very unhealthy obsession with that woman.  Perhaps you should "forcefully" tell yourself to butt out of that woman's life.

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Think that sentiment could have been said a little kinder. Accusing people of having 'a very unhealthy obsession with that woman' is just plain out of line based on the OP. 

This is why the mods have to go crazy with the deletes, because people make things up, diagnosis posters mental health, and become combative when there was simply no call for it.

[Anita Hug]

I don't think this has anything to do with a cell phone. Everyone wants to force her to use a cell phone, but she doesn't even answer her home phone or listen to her messages. If handling calls on her home phone is too much for her, then why would she be any better handling/returning calls on a cell phone?

I also do not understand why her daughter would want her mother to babysit with what you describe as a serious heart condition. Is the daughter more upset because she worries about her mom, or because she wants her mom available for babysitting services?  

I do not believe that it is self centered or selfish to not be tethered to a phone 24/7.  I actually find it more self centered when people ARE glued to their phones non stop. Those who text and talk at the dinner table and in checkout lanes, etc. But that's a whole other conversation.

 I don't return calls "whenever I feel like it". I call back when I'm finished with what I'm doing - which is usually within a couple of hours. I do not believe that is an unreasonable amount of time.   I have elderly relatives, including one in hospice, so I understand the need to be reachable.  I almost always answer my phone. But there are times I do not - like yardwork or other involced project, bathing, cooking, already on the phone, etc. Obviously, if there is an emergency, then I call sooner. And if I'm expecting a call, then I remain available.

As others have advised, if she or her daughter impose on you, then decline. It's not your job to run interference.  If she doesn't listen to her voicemail or return calls, don't fix any problems that result from it.  Don't let it be your problem anymore.

[jaxs mom]

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@mrsbear wrote:

She said her mom had to have a cell phone that worked because her heart condition initially required that she not lift anything heavy-obviously a problem with a 2 year old. Also,her daughter lives in a rural area and has no close neighbors who could help out if there was an emergency.  I thought her "demand" was very reasonable given my friend's initial denial of her problem.  Her daughter was worried that something would happen and that she wouldn't be able to receive calls or call out.  Her daughter has no land line.

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I probably wouldn't have let her babysit under those conditions anyway. If she isn't supposed to lift anything heavy, how is she supposed to care for a toddler?

[ROMARY]

I just tuned in and only read the O/P's original post.  I've noticed that folks who keep their cell phones locked and closed just do not want to be bothered with phone calls.  I know a few seniors who do this and the reason why they only keep a cell phone with them is usually because their adult children want to have one in case of an emergency, so their mom could call them if and when she's in trouble or needs help, or her car breaks down, etc.  As I said, I haven't read all of the posts yet.  Oh, also, another reason why some (underline 'some') people don't answer their phones could be that they know that others will 'step in' and do all of the necessary work (phoning companies, taking care of business, etc., etc.) for them.  Could be another way of having other people do everything for them.  My thoughts are just guesses, of course.  When something 'rings a bell', I go ahead and post my first thoughts that pop into my mind.   I'll be interested in reading the other posters' posts!

[jaxs mom]

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@mrsbear wrote:

I'm not sure why anyone thinks my concern isn't about health and safety but that is your prerogative.  I brought up the elderly relatives and the other issues as an illustration of why she needs to be available-not 24/7 but at least moderately available.  She has many people who may potentially need to reach her and yet she seems to attribute some sort of superiority to being out of the loop.  Having known her forever, I know she would be very upset if there was a problem with her family and no one could contact her.  

I also agree that babysitting could potentially be a problem, but I would never tell her she shouldn't.  I was trying to help her avoid conflict with her daughter.  Medication seems to be keeping the problem under control but obviously her daughter still needs to be able to reach her.

Ironically, she complains bitterly if she can't reach her husband on his cell because he doesn't answer.  She has also been hurt when her daughter has not answered her calls.  

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I don't care who it is, if they refuse to be available by phone, they are not an acceptable babysitter.