Community Chat

[september]

@gidgetgh

yes, I also feel like it would be a "good change".  A year ago, I could have written almost everything you did in your opening post.  My husband passed away late in 2018, and I am now living in my new house, also in a 55+ community.  

I love it!   Everything in the house was selected by me, is new, and maintenance free.  My house also has two bedrooms, two baths, an office, and large open concept kitchen,dining, living room area.  Also about 2200 sg ft but I use all of it. The only underused room is the guest room, but that's because I haven't yet had houseguests due to covid. 

Planning a new home kept me moving forward and gave me hope for the future.  The home I sold was perfect for my husband, me, and our children but it was time to move on and do what was right for me.

best wishes to you!

[SouthernBee]

@gidgetgh : You are in a very difficult situation. Many have advise not to make major changes or decisions now. Please stay focused on your long term plan.Right now you are dealing with major financial decisions. In all the problems with house plus the added stress- staying in the house and doing the needed repairs could this possibly cost you more money? Consider the market value of your house, the cost for the major repairs needed, what your cost to move and stay in your desired area, plus financial needs for your future and lifestyle. Trying to express clearly. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Change is always difficult and scary.🙏🤗❤️

[Lilysmom]

@gidgetgh , I haven't read all the replies.  It sounds to me like you are ready for a change.  If there are issues with upkeep and your house is not designed for senior living, I can understand why you would want to make a move.  I am sure upkeep is a concern to you.

I know how hard it is emotionally to make a move, especially when there are so many memories wrapped up in a home.  Before we buit our retirement home, we lived in our home for 26 years.  When we left, our new home was not even begun.  Our house sold in 3 days.  I was so sad to go.

I took photos of the house, inside and out before it was sold and after our furnishings were gone as well.  I love where we live now.  It is a bungalow with a walkout basement.  Much easier to keep the house.  We could easily live on the main floor alone.

This move will open a new chapter.  I send you best wishes in making your decision.  I know you will carefully consider all factors and do what is best for you at this time in your life.  LM

[geezerette]

@River Song 

I couldn't agree more with all you said, although all of us have somewhat different situations to deal with and different personalities with which to do so.  You have had more than your share of grief in this area, for sure.💔

Although it's good to see your post and to hear from you again, I'm sorry that things still appear to be so difficult for you.  Virtual hugs to you, my friend.  Hang in there.❤️

[Maggie Nolia]

gidgetgh:

Your post reminded of a quote from the movie, "Hope Floats". 

“Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”

Prayers for peace.

[toria]

Sounds like a good idea.  Also look into continuing care communities.  A friend moved to a townhouse that is in a complex where there is independent and assisted living as well as a nursing home. You can be taken care of at any stage in your life.  

[gidgetgh]

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@toria wrote:

Sounds like a good idea.  Also look into continuing care communities.  A friend moved to a townhouse that is in a complex where there is independent and assisted living as well as a nursing home. You can be taken care of at any stage in your life.  

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@toria - thanks for posting. I only just turned 65 four days ago.  At least as of today (knock on wood) my health is still good enough to continue to live independently, in regular house....of some sort.  I appreciate your thoughts though. 

[qualitygal]

Gentle hugs, to a strong woman.  I think you're using your head.  Even another 6 mos. if you need it.  I think you'll do just fine, you sound like you will.  I wish you luck on the current house project, and even more, for a fresh start in the new spring.  

[Mominohio]

I don't know why I'm just now finding this post, @gidgetgh  but I wanted to offer my support on your journey and your decisions that you will be making. 

I believe everyone handles grief differently. And I believe many of us have a real sense for thinking and planning ahead. I know I do. 

I had my only child at 35, so at 55 he was an adult and I began thinking about the 'what if' of husband passing, and also the 'what I'd like' if we made it to retirement (which he will be about 62, and I will be 65. 

I knew long ago, that if he died (even when my son was still at home and young) that I'd leave the funeral, and stop by the realtor's office on the way home. I've always know this house and property are way too much for me on my own, at really any age. And I've never batted an eye at knowing the time to leave would come sooner or later, and I'd better have some thought processes before hand so as not to have to make a quick decision I might regret later. 

I know there are other people who love where they live and want to die there at 110 years old. That's great too. We are all different. 

Money, health, desire to do, memories, looking toward the future, even excitement about a new life chapter all figure into when people decide to move on. Some things are more critical to each of us than others. But I definitely support you in knowing that you want to make a move, and also knowing that you shouldn't do it too fast. 

Sounds like the option you are considering is coming to be at just the right time. And if in the meantime, it doesn't feel right, you will know it and can make other choices and decisions. 

I know you are navigating a new and sometimes frightening path. Even those of us women who have been strong in the decision making and finance end of a marriage still are somewhat unnerved when all this has to be decided and done. I hope you gain stronger footing each and every day. I hope the fog lifts a little more every day, and that in time it all seems easier. It's never easy, as I've seen with my mom, but it does get more manageable, and the peace visits more often than the grief. 

Keep us posted on your decisions, and your journey. We will love to keep you company, hear about the journey, and give you what support we can. 

[Montecitogirl]

There is always the right time for everything in life,  no matter what it may be. To have a 55 plus location that is currently being a place to move to...and only a mile away with less space and accomodations of gardening, a clubhouse, activities. There are many other individuals like you who will make that great change to live there...its the right time!