Community Chat

[Solar Is My Name]

When I was 40 a neighbor's husband died and she sold her house a few months later. Another neighbor who had been a widow for a long time commented to me that one should NOT make any big decisions for at least a year after such a big life event. That conversation has stuck with me for a long time. The long-time-widow always

seemed vibrant and wise to me, so I feel that she most likely was CORRECT.

I am so sorry for your loss. May memories of your husband bring blessings throughout the years.  

[suzyQ3]

@gidgetgh, I have no opinion on your choice of residence because that is such a personal choice. It sounds as if you feel that this is the best and most practical way to go, though.

As for memories, they stay with you, not with a building. Keep us apprised as this possible move continues. We're always a click away.

[pitdakota]

@gidgetgh, you have been through so much my heart just goes out to you.  I am glad you are waiting through the months and taking a measured approach since as you mentioned experts encourage not making decisions within 6 months.

I don't have a particular stance and would support either decision you make, as it is your decision to make and you certainly sound like you have you are taking your time and thinking things through.  

I do send best wishes though as you walk through this journey along with  making your decision.  

[hckynut]

@gidgetgh 

I can somewhat relate to your conundrum with the same issue of selling your home. My mom bought a house which at the time, 2 of my older sister were still living there.

Over a few years both of the got married and it was just myself and my mother living there for many years, just the 2 of us. The last years of her life she was retired and in and out of the hospital on a regular basis.

I worked the 2 night shifts over all of those years. Coming home after working till Midnight, I found her lying on the floor of our hallway. Got her rushed to the hospital, where she did recover, but never enough to come home. She died in the hospital.

For me I could not get out of the house quick enough even though we had lived there close to 20 years. Emotionally, for different reasons, I understand.

Took me almost 3 years to sell the house in the late '60's early '70's even though my middle sister and my other brother-in-law were real estate agents. The market was geared more to 3 bedroom homes, ours was on 2.

Wish you the best with this. For me I never regretted my decision to move.

hckynut 

[bigtraps]

Oh I can't wait to move.  Nice new house.  Oh yea GURL !

WHAT

[mamaslittlepotato]

@gidgetgh I think you’re making a great decision! My cousin went through something very similar except hers was due to a sad and stressful divorce. The large house and the upkeep and repairs were overwhelming so she sold the house and moved to a 55 and over community with single homes too....She loves it there and is so happy she made that decision. She made some nice friends too.

I think you’ll be happy there and it’s great that it’s only a mile away.....Your memories of your husband will go with you. They’ll be in your heart forever. 💕

[Qgirl26]

@gidgetgh, I am so sorry! From one widow to another, I know how hard it is to go from "we" to "me". It's been 5 1/2 years for me and the one thing I would do, if I could afford to, is move. The memories here haunt me, especially at the holidays. Does this other place make you feel excited or relieved? Or do you feel a pull to stay where you are because you feel guilty to leave? Do you want to stay because it's home and you just want to be there, even knowing you are on your own?  I used to not understand why anyone would choose to move from the home they shared with their spouses once they are widowed and now I get it. The memories that used to bring me such joy now bring such pain. Things have slowly gotten better for me but they still hurt a lot. I imagine they always will. But maybe things are different for you and the memories are more comforting than painful?

All I can say is to give it great thought in the time you have before you must reach a decision and if the idea makes you feel happy, excited or less stressed, it might be exactly what you need. But if it doesn't feel right, trust your instincts and don't go. Something else will likely come along when the time is right, if that is the case.

No matter what you do, I think the thing that you have to remember is that he's not coming back. I know that sounds cold but it has helped me to remember that in making future decisions. At first, I would think of what would make him happy but I had to learn to let go of that and think of what makes me happy. It's sad to say but these things no longer matter to them. Change is very hard for me too but it has been forced on me as well as you. All we can do is make the best of it. I wish you all the best in your decision. I hope you will keep us posted.

[qvcfreak]

I think you know what is best for you and I think starting fresh will be great although I think 2200 is a lot of house for one person. I downsized from 3200 to 1500 and at first I thought it was too small but now I am a happy person. Easy to keep clean, I can change curtains out with the seasons and I just truly love it now. Good Luck in all your decisions. I am so happy for you.

[geezerette]

@Qgirl26 

I can very much relate to what you say.

I still will often have "conversations" with my late husband about, "I know you wouldn't do this if you were here--and I wouldn't either, if you were still here.  But you're not here, and I have to do this the only way I can--for me."

It's different and at times, still difficult.

I wish you well on your journey...❤️

[shelbyshelbyshelby]

My husband has been gone 8 years now . I live in California which is a high priced state . Thankfully I have been able to pay my house off and do some renovating . I have the memories of my wonderful husband . I now have three fur babies and they keep me entertainmened and busy . 

We had an aunt who's husband passed away with cancer . they had bought land and were building a house in Osage Beach . She sold the house , put the cat and dog down and moved . They minute she arrived and realized the mistake she made . She tried to sell new residence but was unable to . She passed away about six months ago , with many regrets and stubbornness . She lived in Valencia , Ca . which a high priced area. 

Give yourself some time to morn . The economy will some day turn around . As we all know that location , location will make a difference . 

I have friends that are in the process of selling their house in California and want to move to Arizona , so far no bite for their house  .

I love my husband and always will . I am happy where I am in a gated community and very walkable to many shops . I have access to the SunDial bus which will pick me up at my house and take to the Dr and shopping if necessary . I have been blessed with good help . I have no regrets and will continue to reside in " My Home with my Fur Babies " . We are all different and only you can make the decision.

Blessings to you .