I’m thinking about selling our house

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

Warning......long post.

They tell you that, after loss, you shouldn't make any big decisions for 6 months. Boy, "they" are right about that. I still feel like I'm in physical shock from losing my husband this summer. In a light fog. I just work to get through the days and work through grief and healing.

However, I am thinking about selling our house. Now, that's a HUGE decision.

Our house is too big. It was too big the last few years of my husbands life, but he wouldn't have adjusted well to a move.

When the last hurricane came through I went to the basement to the check it and there was water leaking from the ceiling (unfinished basement). I've spent the past 3 weeks trying to get all that taken care of. It was a large leak in the roof, which came through a small section of the attic, behind one dining room wall, into the basement. I had the roof totally replaced last Thursday. Since Thursday afternoon, I've had dehumidifiers and fans in 4 areas of the house and basement. The laundry room is totally closed off to me right now. The fans and floor matting system (to save the hardwood floor) in the dining room are so loud I can hardly stand it. I can't even sit in the living room (we have an open floor plan). They're coming this afternoon to check on the moisture and hopefully turn them off and prepare to start the repairs. I am so looking forward to some quiet and hope I get it this afternoon.

Anyway, I had already been giving thought to selling our house. They are going to be building a 55+ community literally 1 mile from our house, I went and looked, 3 times, at another one of their subdivisions in a different area and really liked one of the models. It would be 2200 square feet on one floor and they would take care of all the yard work. They are stand alone houses, very close together. Two car garage.

Fortunately, they will not be ready to start taking contracts till early January as they are just now finishing up clearing the land, so that will put me at the 6 month mark. They anticipate the first closings to be at the end of the first quarter, so still quite a few months from now.

It's the right thing to do. The right decision. Our current house is starting to have issues and it is hard emotionally for me to live here. This new house is the perfect size for me and is in our area, which I love and am comfortable with. But I'll tell you, it's going to be soooooo emotionally hard to leave the house my husband and I shared. I have never been good with change. Change is difficult for me, always has been, but I think would be a good change.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@gidgetgh Gentle {{{hugs}}} for you.

I have been watching you since the loss of your DH and I just want to say you have been handling everything with much strength, doing what needs to be done while working through immeasurable grief.

Reading through your post, which is well-written, you know what is best for you and I agree-as difficult as it will be to leave your home it may be time to have a place with less worry and work.

When the time comes, walk through your home and in every room say good-bye to that room and what that room meant to you and your DH.

We say good-bye to people but often forget the tremendous loss when letting go of something such as a well lived-in home.

There is much support here for you.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

Sounds like a good decision for you although IMO 2,200 sq. ft. is a lot for 1 person to take care of. An "active adult" community is a good choice if you like to take part in various activities. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Glitter51 · ‎08-23-2010

@gidgetgh - it sounds like you've already made your mind up, maybe you just need to say it out loud so it becomes real. Maintaining a home is hard, so I understand wanting to downsize. Just remember the house is just a thing, you have your memories of your husband, no matter where you're at. Me personally, have never had trouble of letting go of things, but we are all different. I think it's great that you have found a place that you love, thats hard to do. I say go for it!!! Good luck.

faeriemoon · ‎03-14-2010

I think it's a good decision whether it be the complex you have in mind or another. Think it through and look at others too.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@kaydee50 wrote:
Sounds like a good decision for you although IMO 2,200 sq. ft. is a lot for 1 person to take care of. An "active adult" community is a good choice if you like to take part in various activities. Good luck in whatever you decide.

@kaydee50 - I know it sounds big, but it's 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, a small study and small mud room next to the garage exit. The living room/eating area is pretty large and that's where most of the square footage is coming from. It's actually a really nice size, though it sounds too big.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@faeriemoon wrote:
I think it's a good decision whether it be the complex you have in mind or another. Think it through and look at others too.

@faeriemoon - in our area, there aren't very many of these communities. The complex I looked at is on the other side of the county and they are just about all sold and I'm just not familiar with the area.

And I want to stay in this county if I can. Really favorable property taxes and this area is home for me.

I did go to another complex about 8 miles, away two weekends ago. 55+ Community. They only had 3 left. Tiny living rooms and they had a second floor and a basement, I am done with 2nd floors and basements.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@Cakers3 wrote:
@gidgetgh Gentle {{{hugs}}} for you.

I have been watching you since the loss of your DH and I just want to say you have been handling everything with much strength, doing what needs to be done while working through immeasurable grief.

Reading through your post, which is well-written, you know what is best for you and I agree-as difficult as it will be to leave your home it may be time to have a place with less worry and work.

When the time comes, walk through your home and in every room say good-bye to that room and what that room meant to you and your DH.
We say good-bye to people but often forget the tremendous loss when letting go of something such as a well lived-in home.

There is much support here for you.

@Cakers3 -thanks very much. I'll tell you, some days I don't feel so strong. The loss is very deep and the grief, at times, is brutal. My life just doesn't feel normal, because it's not right now, and this repair issue and the current state of the house is giving me stress and more sadness.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

It sounds like a great decision and the new community sounds lovely! If the new house isn't too large for you, I think you should go for it!

Yes it will be hard and sad to move but the good thing is that you'll still be close to where you are now...you can keep everything that is familiar while making a new change.

I don't know where you are but housing right now is a crazy sellers' market in my area! Good luck with your home sale & move!

SilleeMee · ‎05-22-2016

Just remember if you downsize to a smaller living space then some, if not many, of the things in your big house now may not 'fit' into the smaller spaces. That means you have to either get rid of some stuff or put them into storage.

I lived with my mom in her house during the last few years of her life. Then she passed away and I bought the house. It's smaller than what I had and I had to get rid of a lot of big furniture and other things that just wouldn't fit into my house now. I don't regret it but it was a big change for me at that time.