I'm In A Funk - Page 5

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

@Jordan2 wrote:
@Linmo wrote:
@Jordan2 Sending thoughts and prayers to you. It's very difficult to lose a loved one, but even more difficult to be the caretaker for them and lose that part of your life as well. Please remember all of the happy times that you shared with your family and the positive things that you did for your mom before she passed. I remember your previous posts when she passed and you are an amazing daughter and human being! You should focus on doing things for yourself now.
@Linmo Thank you so much for these beautiful words, they mean so much to me. When you take care of an elderly sick parent your whole life becomes about them. When they're gone it leaves a huge void in your life. I know I'm not living the life my mother would have wanted for me.

That takes baby steps. I completely understand your judgment of yourself because I do exactly the same thing. The right therapist for you could and should help with that. I am still so hard on myself, but now I have the ability to recognize it and work on that. And it is work.

There is nothing wrong with baby steps. They are still moving forward.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@Jordan2 So many loving and kind comments...I think we can all relate to the sadness you feel in the passing of a loved one. Be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. You were brave to reach out and express your feelings here...that is a wonderful first step.

You can make your own plans to celebrate your birthday...consider it that special day that you were born. How lucky you were to have had a loving mother to care for. Maybe it could be a day of remembrance and celebration for those that you have loved...your mom and your brother. Nature heals and offers restoration...maybe take a hike or go to a park on this very special day.

You have support here and many have offered what has helped them through their challenging times. Each of us finds our own way to treat ourselves with kindness and care....even if it starts with a small step, maybe a warm Epsom salt bath and a cup of your favorite tea. I am wishing that you see the light within you and whatever helps you on your journey, know that each day is precious and worthy of the efforts you make to feel the joy you deserve.

blueroses47 · ‎03-09-2010

I didn't read all the posts, so I'm probably just repeating what others have said.

Definitely don't judge yourself as to where you should be in the healing process. It's different for everyone, and for a major loss I think it's going to take a long, long time.

I was very close to my mother too, she was the person I loved most in the world.

Looking back now, I will say it took a solid 5 years before I can actually say I felt like my "normal" self again, after she died.

I did feel the worse for the first 3 years, crying a little bit each day, I think. Not long cries, just a minute or two, but I guess I had to let the grief out of my system for a little bit by crying.

The periods of relief from the grief got longer over the years. The first year or so, I felt so badly, I just wasn't even myself.

I know how you feel, it's so hard. But that saying that "grief is the price we pay for love" is true. There is no easy or quick way out of it.

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@Jordan2You got some very good advice on this board. The compassion from fellow posters warmed my heart.

You took the first step by posting here. You opened up about the pain you are experiencing. As long as you are able to meet the daily obligations in your life, such as going to work, and grocery shopping etc. then you are doing just fine. Grief is personal, and it hits when it hits. It's like riding a wave, one day they come one after the other, and other days its smooth sailing, while other days its smooth until that unexpected wave comes out of nowhere.There is no timetable.

Can you talk to your sister, and let her know how you are feeling? We have to let people know what we are feeling, so they can help.

Therapy would really help you. You can even do it virtually. the therapist will allow you to dictate how to proceed. That gives you a chance to get comfortable with the therapist.

Keep in mind that it could take time to find the right therapist. If it doesn't feel like a good fit keep looking you will find one. Do this for yourself, because you might be experiencing depression. there is help out there.

You have a lot of support right here on this board, so keep posting, so we can support you.

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

@Jordan2

First and foremost, as you can see by the number of heartfelt responses to your thread, you know you are not alone. You also know that people do care about you.❤️ You've gotten a lot of encouragement and suggestions.

You say that you think you would do well with therapy but don't like opening up to strangers. You seem to do pretty well here and even have mentioned several times how nice and supportive many posters are. So how about starting an ongoing thread here?

There are several already and some have been going on for years. Some stick to one topic and are in the various specialized forums. Others (usually in Among Friends) are just about anything and everything. Over time they end up with a core group of people that have a connection. Different ages, different lifestyles, different backgrounds. We don't even know each other's real names or often where we live. Some people share a lot of details, others relatively little. But we all find that we can connect on some level. And we share successes, failures, fears. On many levels we have become good friends that care about each other.

As for your birthday, if you want to spend it with your family, why not invite them over for a celebration? At your home or out somewhere you'd like to celebrate. Pay for it yourself, even if all you can afford is a cake and ice cream.

Your life is different now. Grief is lifelong, it just goes through different stages. Each person transitions at their own pace. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You took a small step forward when you posted this. 💞

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

@Jordan2 I also recommend this book. The author had her own major loss. She knows about all the grief cliches and she debunks them.

She has Twitter and Instagram pages, and I think a web site too.

I have also watched some TED talks about grief on You Tube. For me they were helpful, because they weren't full of cliched judgmental nonsense.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Take @hckynut words to heart. He stated exactly what had to be done for him to be here today @Jordan2 . Consider reaching out for help. It might seem embarrassing, but it really isn't.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@Jordan2 - I just read your post and all the responses. Many posters have given you great responses.

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my husband's death. It has been a brutal year for me, in many areas, and I have not fared well which makes me even more sad than I already was.

I think it is especially hard when you were also the caregiver as you and I both were. Not only did we lose someone who was precious to us. You and I and tons of others also lost our "jobs". I think that finding purpose in the new life is one of the hardest things. I struggle with that.

And holidays and birthdays just stink. They just do. You can "powder and paint them and make them what they ain't" , but they're hard. And each holiday seems to last forever.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I read your thread and am thinking about you and pulling for you to be well and at peace.

When people (the ones who bother to ask me at all) ask me how I'm doing I tell them I'm just trying "right the ship". That's how I feel.

Take care.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@Jordan2 - I just read your post and all the responses. Many posters have given you great responses.

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my husband's death. It has been a brutal year for me, in many areas, and I have not fared well which makes me even more sad than I already was.

I think it is especially hard when you were also the caregiver as you and I both were. Not only did we lose someone who was precious to us. You and I and tons of others also lost our "jobs". I think that finding purpose in the new life is one of the hardest things. I struggle with that.

And holidays and birthdays just stink. They just do. You can "powder and paint them and make them what they ain't" , but they're hard. And each holiday seems to last forever.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I read your thread and am thinking about you and pulling for you to be well and at peace.

When people (the ones who bother to ask me at all) ask me how I'm doing I tell them I'm just trying "right the ship". That's how I feel.

Take care.

@gidgetgh

For myself, I add weekends to those.

Good luck "righting your ship". I think mine will "list" from now on.

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@Jordan2 - I just read your post and all the responses. Many posters have given you great responses.

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my husband's death. It has been a brutal year for me, in many areas, and I have not fared well which makes me even more sad than I already was.

I think it is especially hard when you were also the caregiver as you and I both were. Not only did we lose someone who was precious to us. You and I and tons of others also lost our "jobs". I think that finding purpose in the new life is one of the hardest things. I struggle with that.

And holidays and birthdays just stink. They just do. You can "powder and paint them and make them what they ain't" , but they're hard. And each holiday seems to last forever.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I read your thread and am thinking about you and pulling for you to be well and at peace.

When people (the ones who bother to ask me at all) ask me how I'm doing I tell them I'm just trying "right the ship". That's how I feel.

Take care.

@gidgetgh Thank you so much, I will be thinking of you and wishing good thoughts for you for your difficult time. I guess we both have to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives, we wouldn't be honoring your husband and my mother by just giving up.