I'm In A Funk - Page 4

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Jordan2 wrote:
Long story short, my mother passed away 1/31/20, I took care of her, we were very close. I feel that I should be further along in my grief process, but I'm not. Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of my brother's death, we were very close too. My birthday is on the 13th of this month, I know it will be very sad and difficult day for me. My sister's mother-in-law's birthday is the day after mine, I sat listening to everything her children are planning for her, no plans for me. I know I would probably do well with therapy, but I am not the type to open up to a stranger. I feel there is a sadness surrounding me, I have no joy in my life.

@Jordan2 I understand. My own mother passed away May 17, 2021 and between her passing, the polarizing pandemic and my husband's chronic autoimmune illness I have been struggling a lot over the last few weeks. This past weekend was particularly hard for me.

I did get the names of a few therapists and I'm just not sure of what to do yet. I don't feel comfortable with a zoom type of call, and would rather talk in person but have yet to know what policies an office might have....I just have not gotten there yet.

I hope you find some comfort soon! ETA: My own birthday was two days after mom's funeral...it was a sad day.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@Jordan2

There is no time table on grief. Everyone experiences it in their own way and everyone takes a different amount of time to process it. I am sort of the same way as you have described it. I lost my mother about three years ago and really, this has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I have gone through a lot of trying times in my life but nothing compares to this! My grief ebbs and flows. Just when I think --- I'm good --- I'm fine --- another wave hits me. Holidays and occasions we shared are just the worst. You WILL get better. Just be patient with yourself. Don't deny your feelings. As time has gone on for me I have found that I am getting more good days than bad and when I am thinking of my loved ones that I lost, especially my mother, I am able to feel more happy than sad and I smile more than I cry. I make myself think --- would my mother want me to give up on life? Would she want me to spend the rest of my life grieving and sad? No. It is hard but I know you have in it --- and you have people who care about you.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

So sorry to hear about your sadness. I think you have been given some great advice so I just wanted to let you know, I sent a prayer heavens way and asked God to be especially close to you in these trying times. Like, @hckynut, I am a big advocate for getting outside help, especially if you are feeling all joy is going out of your life.

Happy Birthday a little early and I agree with those who say... "treat yourself" and invite someone to go with you!

Patriot3 · ‎06-07-2010

@Jordan2 wrote:
Long story short, my mother passed away 1/31/20, I took care of her, we were very close. I feel that I should be further along in my grief process, but I'm not. Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of my brother's death, we were very close too. My birthday is on the 13th of this month, I know it will be very sad and difficult day for me. My sister's mother-in-law's birthday is the day after mine, I sat listening to everything her children are planning for her, no plans for me. I know I would probably do well with therapy, but I am not the type to open up to a stranger. I feel there is a sadness surrounding me, I have no joy in my life.

@Jordan2 Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY a little early!! I have a sister, birthday on the 11th. I hope you can find some happiness on that day and I hope the sun shines for you!! Hang in there!

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

@Jordan2 I am in a similar situation to yours. I took care of my Mom and she was my best friend, and I have lost both my parents in the last three years. I have two siblings but that's another awful situation.

Covid and other things on top of my grief and loss, well it's been brutal. Grief is not linear and there is no timetable for it. You have to be gentle with yourself, especially when other people won't do it. You have to learn to ignore the insensitivity and cliches of others. It's very difficult to do, but therapy would help with that.

Clinical depression is not a funk, and you could have that. I am in therapy and on medication for it. Dealing with the stigma other people place on mental health issues, and my own fear of taking that first step, well it was extremely difficult. And stigma and lack of understanding still is. But I did it. It was necessary and I'll just leave it at that.

Through therapy I have learned how to care for myself when others don't care about me. Caring for myself was sadly very foreign to me. I learned that on my birthday I have to treat myself. Flowers, a movie, whatever you enjoy. Treating yourself by yourself is still better than being alone and feeling sad. That's been my experience.

If you want to explore therapy or medication maybe talk to your dr as a first step. I didn't feel comfortable at first with a therapist, but after a bad experience I found someone who is very easy to talk to.

"Never let the facts get in the way of a good story"

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

Loss is very difficult, and not having anyone to treat you to something special, hurts, life sometimes is very sad.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Totally understand. Think that day, you should pamper yourself, be still. It would be a good day, to journal, get all those feelings down and out for yourself. Write until you can't write anymore. Cry until you are cried out, or at least close to it. I think it's harder to hold things in. If the time presents itself, do something for you, I think for you, it's called for. My best. Sending a gentle hug.

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

@Linmo wrote:
@Jordan2 Sending thoughts and prayers to you. It's very difficult to lose a loved one, but even more difficult to be the caretaker for them and lose that part of your life as well. Please remember all of the happy times that you shared with your family and the positive things that you did for your mom before she passed. I remember your previous posts when she passed and you are an amazing daughter and human being! You should focus on doing things for yourself now.

@Linmo Thank you so much for these beautiful words, they mean so much to me. When you take care of an elderly sick parent your whole life becomes about them. When they're gone it leaves a huge void in your life. I know I'm not living the life my mother would have wanted for me.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

My niece died a year ago. My husband is dying a slow death due to Alzheimer's. My dog has cancer. No, this is not a pity party. Rather it's a connection that many of us share. I discovered this at a grief support group. We met once a week via Zoom and were led by a qualified, excellent counselor. It was not a bereavement group per se but a group of individuals who shared our losses and supported each other. Some had turned to drugs and alcohol. All needed guidance and the knowledge that we were not alone. Therapy may not be for everyone but we can all use a little help from our friends.