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Valued Contributor
Posts: 514
Registered: ‎06-30-2014

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

Very powerful and thought-provoking thread.  I can totally identify.  My Mom used to say, "Once a man, twice a child," so true, so very true.

 

Love you Mom.

 

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,431
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

@kalli   My dad once said something to me that same way.  It broke my heart, since it was nothing I could do about his request nor would choose to.  They are just so miserable in their bodies, that I understand.  I'm sure they do wonder why, they are still here.  We can't answer that for them.  Heart

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,581
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

[ Edited ]

“We don’t really know the reason, but we’re DARN GLAD YOU ARE”!

 

I’ve been a caregiver, sometimes in a shared time capacity and sometimes largely on my own, for most of my adult life. Some had (have) dementia, some were laser sharp but had physical limitations, some lived to 95 and some died before 80.

 

Some were very tough, some fun, some relatively resigned. 

 

For anyone who has the luxury of time, the best thing I’ve seen to do for the people who are cognitively intact but physically frail, is VISIT. Let them talk, complain, recollect, laugh if possible. 

 

If they are happy that you're there, that’s a GOOD THING. 

 

If they wonder why they’re still here, you can respond “You’re here so I can have someone WONDERFUL TO VISIT!” I say that honestly every time I go.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,354
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

The answer you gave was perfect. Still, it is sad.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 624
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

@PamfromCT 

thank you Pam.  We are celebrating his long, good life. 

 

Came to this country after WW2, didn't know a word of English.  Married mom, started his own business the year I was born.  Bought 2 homes.  Loved his grandsons, my sister and I think, more than us!  He always wanted sons and God gave him grandsons, even better.Heart

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,151
Registered: ‎05-22-2014

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

@roe1005, What a beautiful life your father lived.  So many like him were instrumental in building America.  My DH and I can look back and see the same story, although we are elderly and everything goes back further.  I am sure your Dad was so proud of you and your children.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 165
Registered: ‎12-31-2011

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

I think you handled it well. One of my patients who happened to be 95 yrs old said the same thing to me. She said she was "ready to go". Her husband passed years ago & she was no longer able to live alone. She said she was alive but sometimes not really living. The last line in the movie The Green Mile says...We are each owed a death, there are no exceptions, I know that, but sometimes Oh God, the Green Mile is so long". I can certainly understand how they must feel.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,983
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

What a sad thread.  It hits home for me from the other side.  It sounds strange to say, but when it’s my time, wherever I wind up, I will miss my girls and my grandchildren so much.  They are the only true loves of my life.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,083
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

It is hard being alone in a house at 81 even if a son lives close by and does help.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 26,042
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

Every time I see this phrase, my heart drops (sad).  I think if we all live long enough (and maybe during our life-time) we will feel that way, but (luckily) it soon passes.

 

I just looked at my notifications and received a recent heart (that's what made me think of it).

 

Sundays often are a time for reflection for me (probably for many of you too).  The day is a little slower, fewer calls and time to sit down and think....

 

Today here in Northern Va it is sunny and (inside at least) very humid.  I live in a sauna.  Really, I have a dehumidifier running 24 hours and those bags that capture moisture (that you throw away).  I won't bore you on my problems with that...ugh!

 

I am convinced (after talking to strangers, etc) that Americans don't sit and just think (some call it meditate, there are various names for just sitting...).  

 

Sometimes we can quiet our brain.  I'm not good at that.  I sit and remember and think about my life thus far.  It's been a wonderful journey.  I've learned a little something from it.  That said, unfortunately, sometimes I keep repeating the same mistakes...but ...hey!  who doesn't.

 

Anyway, I hope the OP's been able to help her Dad understand how important he is to her.  That's a gift she can give him.  It's free but it is more valuable than any material item she'll ever have.....the gift of love from child to parent.  That's called a flip-flop...How many times have the children received the love from parents and adults.  Now it's time for the child to remind (and tell over and over) the parent how much they are loved and appreciated.

 

Wow!  I'm really reflecting today.  Just been thinking about my late husband a lot today.  He was my everything ....and then some.

 

I know many of you feel that way about someone important in your life. Hope at sometime this week you let them know they are loved.  

 

I tell my girls (and friends) how much I love them.  Just listening makes a lot of difference.