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Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-11-2010

“I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

My 91 yr old dad said this to me the other day. I really didn’t know quite how to reply. He’s lonely, misses Mom, but he’s still active, we pick him up at the NH and take him places like the park, restaurants, the old farmhouse.  I understand after 68 yrs of marriage his life is different now. They did everything together. 

 

I told him God must still have stuff for him to do here.  I remember having to answer difficult questions from my children but never thought I’d have to do it for one of my parents.

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

This is a very difficult issue. My Mom is 92 and in a nursing home. She is completely physically disabled, yet mentally still all there. I don't live near but have two sisters near her who visit frequently and take her to their homes for special occasions. She can do nothing for herself but does have TV, books and iPad. It seems she is just waiting to die. I don't want to end up like that.

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Respected Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

Please ensure him that you are happy he is here, that God wants him here to make others happy and that you enjoy every minute with him and you would like him to tell you more about his family, his siblings, his mother.  Make him feel important. 

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Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

I suppose I would tell him the truth.   You are still here because you are loved and we need you.  

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

 

@kalli 

 

Sad isn't it.  I have a very dear older friend and she says the same (she's 87).

 

Not only is she widowed for 21 years most of her friends are gone or dying.  She is the only one left in her family (SIL, BIL, cousins, etc)

 

Her children have their lives in other states.  They come home to visit a few days once a year☹️ & never during holidays.  She is able to live alone, she only drives short distances (which she shouldn't 🙄) but she says if she didn't drive her life would be lonelier.   In fact, I go home a lot and make sure I spend a few days with her.  We both enjoy the company.

 

I guess when one gets older it's harder.  You are a good daughter to be there for him🙂.

 

 

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Registered: ‎08-21-2013

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

My parents died young, but I have an elderly aunt who will be 85 in a few weeks and an uncle who is 90. They are with it and in fairly good health and active, but certainly not like they were even 5 years ago. I don't live close to them, but I do keep in touch. They both are quite religious so they would never ask why are they still living, but they do say they are ready to go any time.

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Registered: ‎08-18-2016

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

You gave him the right answer, @kalli .

Because he's not done yet.

 

Sometimes people who seem to have no contribution are in fact some of our best teachers and inspirations.

 

Perhaps he is unaware people we don't even know can be strongly influenced by how and who we are.

     Who knows?

Maybe two years from now you may repeat some bit of wisdom or insight you picked up from him, and it may have a profound effect on the life of the person you're speaking to.

 

I worked for many years with patients. Institutionalized.

Some were in a persistent vegetative state with little cognitive development. You might also ask why are they here? It was clear to me they were the teachers, and if we're wise and humble we could learn much from them.

Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

@kalli  I think what you said to your Dad is exactly what I would have said.

 

It's what I felt when my husband died.  We were married 38 years when he died suddenly.

 

You sound like a wonderful daughter.  We are lucky to have someone like yourself here with us.  Fondly, Annabelle/Linda

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Registered: ‎03-28-2019

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”

[ Edited ]

@kalli wrote:

My 91 yr old dad said this to me the other day. I really didn’t know quite how to reply. He’s lonely, misses Mom, but he’s still active, we pick him up at the NH and take him places like the park, restaurants, the old farmhouse.  I understand after 68 yrs of marriage his life is different now. They did everything together. 

 

I told him God must still have stuff for him to do here.  I remember having to answer difficult questions from my children but never thought I’d have to do it for one of my parents.


My DM who is 97 and cognisant said this as well; all her friends have passed away and we are moving her to be closer to me.

 

I told her God has something very important for her to still complete and to stay open to all possibities.

You never know when you might entertain angels unaware.

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Posts: 510
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: “I just don’t understand why I’m still here.”


@NameAlreadyTaken wrote:

Please ensure him that you are happy he is here, that God wants him here to make others happy and that you enjoy every minute with him and you would like him to tell you more about his family, his siblings, his mother.  Make him feel important. 


 

What excellent advice!  Do you work with the elderly?