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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@haddon9 wrote:

@goldenlocks wrote:

 

I think it was a very nice thing to do. 

 

Your neighbor has been there, is still there, and wishes to let you know he's there for you - someone who can totally understand what you're going thru right now.  A shoulder to lean on, cry on, just be there for is a most special gift.  We all should be there for one another, but time, life circumstances often prevents this.  Why just limit yourself to family and friends, thus shutting out the kindness of others?


@goldenlocks   Yes he sounds very nice but it would have been nicer if he called first.


 

I agree.

 

It is very nice, but not completely unannounced and out of the blue.  And not so early in the morning.  And especially not at the home of someone who has recently suffered a loss since everyone is different and some might not feel up to company or may not be sleeping well or whatever.  Privacy should be respected, and he may just need a nudge to realize that.

 

@Retired Legal Secretary, I would want to ****** this in the bud also if I were you.  Personally, I don't answer the door if it's not a good time for me.  I understand your reason for opening the door, but you might want to protect your own privacy a little more going forward.  If he continues to do this and you continue to open the door, he's going to think it's fine - unless you come right out and tell him that it's not.  In my view, if you're not available, you're not available, no matter how well-intentioned the other person is.  I just think you need to set some parameters right away so this doesn't - as you said - become a habit.

 

I agree about not shutting out the kindness of others, and he very well may end up being a valued friend.  But getting together to talk or whatever should be at times that are convenient - and comfortable - for you.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@RetRN wrote:

I think it is nice that he was thoughtful to think of you and stop by. However, I do think he should have called prior to coming over. I would never just drop in on someone. 


 

I never do either.  I think it's presumptuous to assume that I would always be welcome.  People plan their days, are often in the midst of doing things, maybe not looking their best or not feeling well, on their way out, entertaining other people, (or each other, if you get my drift!) - or whatever.

 

I believe that people are entitled to privacy within their own homes and I like to be respectful of that.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@this is my nic wrote:

I'd have still been asleep at 9:00 am.  Often I'm up for all hours during the night,  so I sleep in .  And, no, I do not feel guilty about it! 


 

Me too!  I'm a night owl, and I'm often up very late at night for work reasons too.  So 9 am is not ever a time that I would be happy to have a surprise guest at my door.  

 

(No guilt here either!)

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@CrazyDaisy wrote:

Only here will people jump to wild conclusions, and get all up in arms by a friend reaching out to help someone who may be going through a difficult time.  People must have never saw each other before the invention of telephones.


 

I don't see that as what's happening here.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@geezerette wrote:

@Drythe wrote:

@Retired Legal Secretary 

 

Good thing about living out in the woods,

no one just drops by.

 

Nice of your neighbors to think of you.

 


Yes, living in the boonies does sometimes have its advantages!😉

 

I’m not only out of town, but my house is a quarter mile off the road and I have a large gate at the road that I keep locked every night.  I don’t open it until and unless I’m ready for visitors.


 

I don't live in the boonies, and no one ever drops by.  I think it used to be much more common than it is now no matter where people live.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had an unexpected guest, but I do know it was a very long time ago.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,107
Registered: ‎09-06-2014

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......

I stay up pretty late so I'm not even up by 9 unless I'm expecting someone.  It was nice of him to visit but I hope he realized that you weren't ready for company.  People need to call in advance. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,625
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@NYC Susan wrote:

@geezerette wrote:

@Drythe wrote:

@Retired Legal Secretary 

 

Good thing about living out in the woods,

no one just drops by.

 

Nice of your neighbors to think of you.

 


Yes, living in the boonies does sometimes have its advantages!😉

 

I’m not only out of town, but my house is a quarter mile off the road and I have a large gate at the road that I keep locked every night.  I don’t open it until and unless I’m ready for visitors.


 

I don't live in the boonies, and no one ever drops by.  I think it used to be much more common than it is now no matter where people live.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had an unexpected guest, but I do know it was a very long time ago.


@NYC Susan 

 

You’re lucky.  

 

As I said, my driveway is long and it winds through a woods so you can’t see the house from the road.  We once had a complete stranger come up the drive, get out of his car, and wander around our house.  When asked what he wanted, his reply was he “saw the driveway and just wanted to see what was up here”.

 

Another complete stranger knocked on my door not three days after my husband died.  She wanted to know if I was selling the property because she had relatives that wanted to buy it.

 

No kidding.

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,922
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't understand why some men (maybe some women too) think it's okay to just drop in unannounced. When DH and I are running errands, he'll sometimes tell me that we should drop in and see so-and-so since we're close to their home. I'm always stunned and tell him we can't just "drop in". In your situation, I'd probably just open the door a crack and tell the guy that it's just not a good time for you to visit, but thank him for checking on you...and let it go at that. Or - just don't even open the door. I'm like you - I appreciate my privacy and don't feel obligated to open the door to people who just drop in.

Contributor
Posts: 28
Registered: ‎05-14-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......

I totally understand how you feel.  I lost my husband last year and I pretty much felt the same way as you.  I didn't want to talk to anyone that wasn't family or friend.  It's hard to 

describe the emptiness to people that haven't lost their husband or wife, but you just don't want to be bothered.  I'm sure that not everyone feels this way, but I sure did and still do at times. That might sound harsh but that's just the way it is.  You have my sincere sympathy.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,387
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I hope this doesn't become a habit......


@geezerette wrote:

@NYC Susan wrote:

@geezerette wrote:

@Drythe wrote:

@Retired Legal Secretary 

 

Good thing about living out in the woods,

no one just drops by.

 

Nice of your neighbors to think of you.

 


Yes, living in the boonies does sometimes have its advantages!😉

 

I’m not only out of town, but my house is a quarter mile off the road and I have a large gate at the road that I keep locked every night.  I don’t open it until and unless I’m ready for visitors.


 

I don't live in the boonies, and no one ever drops by.  I think it used to be much more common than it is now no matter where people live.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had an unexpected guest, but I do know it was a very long time ago.


@NYC Susan 

 

You’re lucky.  

 

As I said, my driveway is long and it winds through a woods so you can’t see the house from the road.  We once had a complete stranger come up the drive, get out of his car, and wander around our house.  When asked what he wanted, his reply was he “saw the driveway and just wanted to see what was up here”.

 

Another complete stranger knocked on my door not three days after my husband died.  She wanted to know if I was selling the property because she had relatives that wanted to buy it.

 

No kidding.

 

 

 


Oh, I believe it.  When my uncle died, people were knocking on the door just a couple of hours after his body had been removed because they wanted to buy the house.  There were two groups of people within hours, and even more later.  (The house wasn't all that fabulous - If I remember correctly, they all wanted it for the land.)

 

In any case, I don't like unannounced visitors and I wouldn't be one!  :-)