Community Chat

[50Mickey]

Why assume that this man would make a habit of dropping by unannounced? He did it once and probably picked up that  she didn't want to talk. I'm willing to bet he won't be back. There is a simple way to make sure that you don't have any unannounced visitors DON"T OPEN the door. You are not required to open the door to anyone anymore than you are required to answer the phone.  

[Grouchomarx]

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@50Mickey wrote:

 There is a simple way to make sure that you don't have any unannounced visitors DON"T OPEN the door. You are not required to open the door to anyone anymore than you are required to answer the phone.  

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OP stated she opened the door thinking it was cats but it was the neighbor, unexpected.  Also, it can be obvious you’re home by the sound of your tv, radio, talking on your phone etc, or being visible through a window, so ignoring the knock could be awkward. It’s not so easy to avoid this type of person (if he’s a repeat offender), trust me. Unless you’re willing to be straight up mean.

[Free2be]

People are interesting creatures, some sit in paranoia fearing a knock, others in tears wishing for one and every kind of person in between including those who need to talk about the knock or lack of on social media.  My great grandmother would have thought this all quite mad. 

Are any of us completely free of a simple social interaction creating this level of angst?  I really don't know, no judgement.  I only hope if I ever experience a similar loss and situation as the OP, I can handle it on my own. Strength, a sense of autonomy and power, in times of loss may come in surprising measures or not.  Wishing more of it to all who are suddenly alone. 

[J Town Girl]

I don't know any of the circumstances with the op but I wanted to give a little different spin on this guy just showing up early in the morning.  

My father died when he was only 52 and within just a month after he died a fellow that he had worked with and even fished with for many years just showed up at my Mom's home.  He started out saying that he just wanted to check on how my Mom was doing but it quickly turned into a suggestion that they start dating. 

My mother was horrified that this man who had been a family friend could betray my Dad's memory by asking her out on a date so soon after she buried her husband.  

She politely but firmly made it clear that she wasn't interested in dating him.   He acted rather put out that my Mom refused his advances.  Needless to say, he was never welcomed back into her home.  

The gentleman who arrived at the op's house may have been completely innocent but I also know that some men see a widow as an easy mark.  

I would use caution in allowing this man to show up uninvited again and I wouldn't just assume that his intentions were completely honorable.   

I might seem untrusting but I've lived long enough to know that not everyone is always sincere.

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

@50Mickey  and the  "don't open the door crew", I didn't hear a human knocking, I woke up to a thump  like something being knocked over.  We have outside cats and they tussle on the porch and knock things around.

Had I realized someone was knocking on the door I wouldn't have answered.  I don't just open the door willy nilly.

[occasionalrain]

Since the OP kept him on the porch rather than invite him in, I doubt he'll be back.

[Mersha]

To the OP, again, I am so sorry for you recent loss.

I have found my "NO SOLICITING" sign on my front door to be extremely helpful. 

If you do not want intrusion, just do not open the door.

Problem solved.

[Silver Lining]

I had an uncomfortable situation a few years ago. I had retired and moved to a new house. One Saturday morning the doorbell rang. I was in a nightgown so I threw on some regular clothes and went to look through the peephole. It was a guy from the division where we both worked so I opened the door. I thought maybe he was bringing something I might have left at the office. I asked him and he said no, just wanted to stop by and visit. 

I said what are you doing out this way on a Saturday mornng anyway. He said he had dropped his son off for baseball practice. I desperately wanted a cup of coffee but wanted him gone. I said I have a lot to do. Run along now. Goodbye. A week or so later he called me from the office. I waited for a few minutes in case he had a legitimate reason to call me. He just wanted to chat. I said please do not call me again and NEVER EVER come to my house again. Never, under any circumstances!!!

[Anonymous032819]

I think this gentleman got the message loud and clear, and she needn't worry about him darkening her doorsteps ever again.

[50Mickey]

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@Grouchomarx wrote:

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@50Mickey wrote:

 There is a simple way to make sure that you don't have any unannounced visitors DON"T OPEN the door. You are not required to open the door to anyone anymore than you are required to answer the phone.  

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OP stated she opened the door thinking it was cats but it was the neighbor, unexpected.  Also, it can be obvious you’re home by the sound of your tv, radio, talking on your phone etc, or being visible through a window, so ignoring the knock could be awkward. It’s not so easy to avoid this type of person (if he’s a repeat offender), trust me. Unless you’re willing to be straight up mean.

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Even if her TV was on so what? You don''t have to answer the door. The OP never said that he was looking in windows or that he repeated this "intrusion."  The things  that peope get so worked up about. Imagine a kindly neighbor checking on a recently widowed lady. So maybe the solution is to avoid at all costs recently bereaved individuals.  Then we will read about how no one comes by and on one cares about them. I still say the simple solution is just don't go to the door and open it if you don't want to speak to your neighbors. They will get the hint and will stop bothering you. Done!