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Honored Contributor
Posts: 58,822
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Tell her you're about to pee your pants and just HAVE to run to the bathroom...  then hope she doesn't follow you in there !!


In my pantry with my cupcakes...
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,306
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

@IamMrsG wrote:

NycVixen wrote, in part: "IamMrsG - LOL.... This is NOT this serious really OMG. Seriously, no need to use my quote against me, this is not a court of law by any means. You advised the OP to always say she is busy and has to run. No absolute is always true so that is a lie too..."  

 

NycVixen, I wasn't trying to use anything against you.  I do find it a disconnect to advise someone to 'white' lie, then to claim to live with intention.  Sorry, the two do not mesh for me.

 

Another point of disagreement between us is as to how serious 'white' lies are.  I have an abiding respect for truth and honesty.  It is very important to me.  If you cannot give me truth, you have nothing to offer.  And, for what it's worth, 'white' lies are lies.  

 

In no way would I suggest being harsh, disrespectful or rude to this woman the OP asked us about.  Conversely, I would respect her enough to give her truth by saying I am too busy to stop and talk--which is my right.  After all, it is my time, and I alone get to determine how to use it.   In return, I should expect her to respect my time. 

 

 


This is why there are moderators on these forums and threads and posts get poofed. Because instead of discussing the topic at hand some posters like yourself find it necessary to begin to attack a poster's character for no valid reason. I remember before the forum change you were attacking a poster and being rude and I called you out on it and you did not like it. Your post at that time was to the effect of trying to make the poster look stupid. I believe this is a very petty way for you to somehow 'get back" at me.

 

Saying that what I said in ONE post does not mesh with my quote is only your opinion and entirely out of line. You did not 'try' but used something against me and attacked me personally. There was no need for that.

 

My 'intention' is to be respectful and kind to others as much as possible. I don't go out of my way to stir trouble being rude to people. I'm not the one sitting on my high horse making it seem on a forum that I never lie and judging others with your moral high ground. We all lie for the most part. I'd rather tell a white lie out of kindness than out of ego, which it seems you are doing. BTW, saying "NycVixen, I wasn't trying to use anything against you" is a lie. It's as clear as day.

 

It seems the only disconnect here is that you do not see that your advice was a white lie too. If it makes you feel better thinking you are more honest than me than go ahead. 

~Live with Intention~
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,837
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

NycVixen wrote:   This is why there are moderators on these forums and threads and posts get poofed. Because instead of discussing the topic at hand some posters like yourself find it necessary to begin to attack a poster's character for no valid reason. I remember before the forum change you were attacking a poster and being rude and I called you out on it and you did not like it. Your post at that time was to the effect of trying to make the poster look stupid. I believe this is a very petty way for you to somehow 'get back" at me. 

   Saying that what I said in ONE post does not mesh with my quote is only your opinion and entirely out of line. You did not 'try' but used something against me and attacked me personally. There was no need for that.

   My 'intention' is to be respectful and kind to others as much as possible. I don't go out of my way to stir trouble being rude to people. I'm not the one sitting on my high horse making it seem on a forum that I never lie and judging others with your moral high ground. We all lie. I'd rather tell a white lie out of kindness than out of ego, which it seems you are doing.

   It seems the only disconnect here is that you do not see that your advice was a white lie too. If it makes you feel better thinking you are more honest than me than go ahead.    ~Live with Intention~

 

 

   NycVixen, you obviously have a problem with me.  

   The comments I've made on this thread are my feelings on the subject and I stand by them. There was no goal on my part to accost you, only to explain why I do not agree with you.  I thought I had done so without slinging mud.

   As far as your reference to me attacking someone in an earlier thread, I have no idea what you're talking about and do not care to resurrect it now. One last thing, though:  I  do not try to make anyone look stupid as I find they usually don't need help.

   Please, let's agree to disagree and walk away peacefully.  This has gone too far. 

 

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,146
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

I am so sorry for any hard feelings on this thread. I had read very  interesting and helpful ideas and appreciate them all. I have learned how to handle this situation with all your help. I am grateful . I really was pushed in a corner with this woman and now I will be able to control my time and patience.  It's is so nice to be able to read all comments and come to a conclusion on what to do.    

 

 

Thank you so much.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,306
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!


@IamMrsG wrote:

NycVixen wrote:   This is why there are moderators on these forums and threads and posts get poofed. Because instead of discussing the topic at hand some posters like yourself find it necessary to begin to attack a poster's character for no valid reason. I remember before the forum change you were attacking a poster and being rude and I called you out on it and you did not like it. Your post at that time was to the effect of trying to make the poster look stupid. I believe this is a very petty way for you to somehow 'get back" at me. 

   Saying that what I said in ONE post does not mesh with my quote is only your opinion and entirely out of line. You did not 'try' but used something against me and attacked me personally. There was no need for that.

   My 'intention' is to be respectful and kind to others as much as possible. I don't go out of my way to stir trouble being rude to people. I'm not the one sitting on my high horse making it seem on a forum that I never lie and judging others with your moral high ground. We all lie. I'd rather tell a white lie out of kindness than out of ego, which it seems you are doing.

   It seems the only disconnect here is that you do not see that your advice was a white lie too. If it makes you feel better thinking you are more honest than me than go ahead.    ~Live with Intention~

 

 

   NycVixen, you obviously have a problem with me.  

   The comments I've made on this thread are my feelings on the subject and I stand by them. There was no goal on my part to accost you, only to explain why I do not agree with you.  I thought I had done so without slinging mud.

   As far as your reference to me attacking someone in an earlier thread, I have no idea what you're talking about and do not care to resurrect it now. One last thing, though:  I  do not try to make anyone look stupid as I find they usually don't need help.

   Please, let's agree to disagree and walk away peacefully.  This has gone too far. 

 


I don't have a problem with you per se but with the manner in which you chose to address your remarks to publicly judge my character in this thread. Before you chose this approach, I addressed your earlier comments with respect even though I disagreed. However, you chose a very negative approach to disagree with me and as such I need to let you know that was uncalled for.

 

Unfortunately, you did sling mud when you had the need to go beyond the context of my post to highlight how in your opinion my views are not in line with my quote. If that is not slinging mud to you then what is?

 

To be honest, I'm finding the way you seem to 'not notice' what you are obviously doing disingenuous. I agree. Let's stop here. But, I hope in the future when you post in response to someone you disagree with you stay on topic and do not attack the poster on a personal level as you've done in the past.

~Live with Intention~
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,036
Registered: ‎08-07-2013

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

I would just wave and keep walking.... if she starts following you just say... sorry, can not chat have to run have a nice day.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

"I can't talk right now."

 

"Sorry, I can't listen."

 

  It's better to just say the truth, tactfully, because this person needs to understand boundaries.

  Even after you make it clear that you aren't going to listen to yet another long-winded story, they may not change their behavior towards others but at least it will no longer be your problem as they have now gotten the message that you are not a receptacle for their endless complaints.

  Really, lonely or not, this person is unspeakably rude. Telling them the truth, tactfully, is the best thing.

 

  ETA:  IMHO, it's kinder to be truthful, because if everyone says something like, "Oh, I can't talk now, gotta run!", that person won't know WHY, but just that everyone RUNS away from them when they try to engage. They will be wondering what is wrong with them because no one has told them the truth. That sort of thing is very frustrating and hurtful....."Is it my breath?"

  "Why don't they like me?"

  Etc.

  There's nothing wrong with tactfully and honestly telling a person that they talk too much with with TMI, etc.

  If that upsets them then I couldn't be friends with them anyway as I like people who are plainspoken and don't "hint" around.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,208
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: I have a question and need advice please!


@feline groovy wrote:

@italia8140 wrote:

Tell her to get professional help. She needs it.


 

Most human beings do; we're an emotionally-fragile complicated species.


 

I TOTALLY DISAGREE.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

@NycVixen wrote:

@IamMrsG wrote:

NycVixen wrote, in part: "I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way...."

She might indeed be lonely or unhappy.  Either way, I'd never advise someone to lie.    


I see your point but your advice to keep telling the person that you are busy and must run I find to be insensitive. My whole angle is not to make the person feel worse when they are already lonely, stressed and have no one to talk to. I'm sure every time the OP tells her she has to run is not completely honest either. I find telling someone that wants to talk to me that I am always busy harsh.


 

And that is exactly why this person's behavior continues. And if you don't change something, it's going to continue until one of you moves away OR until you speak up. If you are unwilling to do that because of her feelings, then you are stuck because you don't believe that your needs are more important than her feelings. And that's fine, but you need to be honest with yourself:  If you don't speak up, this problem is not with her, it's with you. Whenever you don't speak up, you own the behavior as much as she does.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,458
Registered: ‎06-08-2012

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Tell her to post her plethora of problems on this forum, that way she'll have a larger audience. 

☀️...And I think to myself what a Wenderful world.☀️