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07-28-2015 10:50 PM - edited 07-29-2015 06:58 PM
NycVixen wrote, in part: "I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way...."
She might indeed be lonely or unhappy. Either way, I'd never advise someone to lie.
I see your point but your advice to keep telling the person that you are busy and must run I find to be insensitive. My whole angle is not to make the person feel worse when they are already lonely, stressed and have no one to talk to. I'm sure every time the OP tells her she has to run is not completely honest either. I find telling someone that wants to talk to me that I am always busy harsh. --"Live with intention"
How can you "Live with intention" when you feel it's right to tell 'white lies' to get through life? Uh-uh. To me, lying to someone is harsh.
Edited to fix confusing quotes.
IamMrsG - LOL.... This is NOT this serious really OMG. Seriously, no need to use my quote against me, this is not a court of law by any means. You advised the OP to always say she is busy and has to run. No absolute is always true so that is a lie too.
I opt not to get through life being mean to anyone for the sake of if I can avoid it because we never know what the future holds for us. I don't have the heart to tell this poor lady who seems to live where the OP does that she will see on a regular basis that I have to run and have to go. I have a neighbor now on my floor who had the habit of knocking my door to talk about issues and ask me for money. I stopped answering the door and the next few times she did it I told her I didn't feel well that is why I could not answer the door. Guess what. She stopped doing it and I didn't have to hurt her feelings.
The first time she asked me for $7 I gave her a $20 and never again had to deal with it. I don't need neighbors as enemies or to hurt people because my life is much better right now and it's such a pain to hear her problems. I'd be glad it wasn't me, say a prayer for her, give her a hug and tell her I need to go for x reason but not because I was busy. Who knows maybe one day I'm that lonely old lady and I just hope someone has kindness to show me. One day we are up the next we are down. Empathy and kindness are free and should be the option in my opinion.
There, but for the grace of God and the universe, go we all.
No one is untouchable, ever.
07-28-2015 10:53 PM
A lot of solutions are easier and simpler, like, the "I gotta run" excuse IF one then actually...runs (and/or otherwise disappears).
Its harder though when you step outside to water the yard or just enjoy your garden or...just want to "be" outside without needing to always talk to someone.
I mean, to say, "Gotta run!" and then just continue to stand there would be, I imagine you can all agree, a tad bit awkward at best. lol
Its harder to get away that when one then continues being there.
I had this neighbor (the one mentioned prior) come up behind me three times when we were in the middle of repainting the (OUR) garage doors.
Its not like someone can take their garage doors inside to finish them.
And to go inside...leaving everything sitting there only hampers one's own work schedule. Paint dries on brushes and a 2-hour project turns into 10 hours as one has to sneak outside under the cloak of night to finish (the other person with a flashlight standing guard for the neighbor). lol
Sooner or later, a chatty, needy, desperate, clueless neighbor has to be the one to get the point. One thing such a person could do (after a mere smile or wave or quick "HOWWWWW-DEEE" across the lawns) is to ASK, "You busy?" BEFORE wandering over to tell you how their aunt's appendectomy went. Oh, you know the aunt. Last conversation she was the one who killed her first husband but then after serving time=, she remarried but the new husband got gout and that turned her whole life around as she dedicated herself to serving less fatty foods...and is that a bird in that tree branch hanging over your driveway and notice how the mailman is coming later and later every week and what sort of weed killer do you use...
07-28-2015 11:02 PM
07-28-2015 11:05 PM
There's a nice old guy on my block.... who feels compelled to know what everyone is doing. Despite the way I run my mouth in this community, I'm really quiet and don't want to know anyone's business. I've lived in my house almost 14 years and don't know many of the neighbor's by name. I'm a waver and a hello-er as I pass by :-)
In May, I put a couch to the curb. Old guy (he has a wife and family) comes up to my door, bangs on the door and asks me about the couch. I told him he could have it. I think he wondered if I was moving because I had freecycled quite a few furniture pieces the day before. He just had to talk about the sofa.
I just had a long weekend - Friday and Monday off. He saw me cut the grass on Friday. Ysterday I come home from the store and park the car in the driveway. I go in the house, grab a roll of paper towel and some glass cleaner. I have Ed Sheeran not quite blaring on the car stereo and all the doors and the back hatch open so I have air flow because the glass cleaner is stinky.
I'm minding my own business and he comes up and says, so are you on vacation or just having a couple of days off? Man did that ever tick me off. I took a deep breath and smiled and said, well I'm cleaning the car windows right now. At this time I have to turn Ed off because the old guy ain't leaving and Ed drops the F bomb in one of the songs :-)
So we start talking about the construction underway on the street. I mention in passing that the local school won't allow any of us to park in their lot and that I think it's rude and will remember that next time there's a millage (lol).
So the old guy says, I'll talk to the mayor at his next open hour (when citizens can meet with the mayor). I tell him, no worries, I already have a place to plop the car when they get to my side of the street. He insists on talking to the mayor for me. I insist there is no need. He insists he will.
What could have been a pleasant task ended up annoying me.
As far as the lady who complains to you about her issues - honestly, if it were me, I would tell her that it makes me uncomfortable that she shares such private things with me.
Love ya, Bernie; you're always entertaining.
07-28-2015 11:18 PM
@feline groovy wrote:Frequent ContributorAww!!!Isn't this "Cruiser", John?
Awwww, Cruiser. How cute
07-28-2015 11:22 PM
NycVixen wrote, in part: "IamMrsG - LOL.... This is NOT this serious really OMG. Seriously, no need to use my quote against me, this is not a court of law by any means. You advised the OP to always say she is busy and has to run. No absolute is always true so that is a lie too..."
NycVixen, I wasn't trying to use anything against you. I do find it a disconnect to advise someone to 'white' lie, then to claim to live with intention. Sorry, the two do not mesh for me.
Another point of disagreement between us is as to how serious 'white' lies are. I have an abiding respect for truth and honesty. It is very important to me. If you cannot give me truth, you have nothing to offer. And, for what it's worth, 'white' lies are lies.
In no way would I suggest being harsh, disrespectful or rude to this woman the OP asked us about. Conversely, I would respect her enough to give her truth by saying I am too busy to stop and talk--which is my right. After all, it is my time, and I alone get to determine how to use it. In return, I should expect her to respect my time.
Not to challenge you but just to give you a different perspective on what you said:
You claim its never right to come up with a white lie (no matter how little). And that you don't have the time of day for anyone who might use even the teeny weeniest of such lies (or excuses).
But then you say that you will tell someone that you're "too busy to stop and talk - which is my right. After all, it is my time, and I alone get to determine how to use it."
Realistically, that can include the notion that you're not REALLY too busy to stop and talk but instead that you just don't want to stop and talk.
That would be a white lie.
I mean, realistically, for most people, even the "Busy, gotta run" line is a BIT of a white lie. I mean, unless something is bleeding through your clothes or the house is on fire, its rare that someone is really too busy to stop and talk. Especially when they claim they're too busy to talk...all the time.
I mean, if so...slow down.
After all, one can start to come across like the magician in "Frosty the Snowman" after a while.
"Bizzy, Bizzy Bizzy!!!"
Which unless one is in fact a naughty magician "professor" trying to steal back a magic hat from a perfectly nice singing & dancing snowman, well, everyone knows its a BIT of a white lie.
This is why I prefer to neither hurt the person with blunt truth or lie. Instead, I have decided that a good acting scene on my fake Batphone works.
Unless, of course, we consider acting to be lying.
But in that case, how do I know the chatty neighbor's routine isn't an act, too. Maybe he's lying when he says its merely coincidence that we both just happened to appear out of our houses at the EXACT same time (him, always 30 seconds after me...but pay that no mind). How do I know he really has bursitis. I mean, even after a 45 minute conversation about it one walks away realizing that he really never SHOWED it to me. Like, after a while, if you're going to corner me in my yard as to describe your bursitis ordeal in detail, prepare to bring aloong your MRIs next time, at least. I want evidence that the whole interchange isn't a lie.
Gosh. Now I wonder if that neighbor of mine might have been in the Witness Relocation Program! And cut off from all he once knew, he's starving for human contact which the FBI discourages. So when he knows the FBI is on a lunch break, he dashes outside to talk down the nearest neighbor.
Now I feel bad. I may have brushed off, "Harry the Rat", once one of the nation's most dangerous mobsters who turned state's evidence and now only needed an ear to listen to his whining about his arthritic knee...that hasn't been the same ever since this darn weather has turned so wet in recent weeks...
If you're not a blogger already, Surf, you should be!
I'm a big fan of wry/dry/sly wit and stream-of-consciousness thoughts.
There's also lying by omission, another form that a lie comes in.
Re: "I'm SO busy":
More and more people (in general) have unfortunately become disgustingly self-important, and think that no one in the world is as "busy" as they are.
Let me add that there's an increasing amount of 'self-entitlement' and arrogance (IMO, the worst human trait) as well.
07-28-2015 11:24 PM
Tell her to get professional help. She needs it.
Most human beings do; we're an emotionally-fragile complicated species.
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