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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,146
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

i have a lady that I know and run into quite often. When I see her she will say how are you? That's it then it starts. After 30 minutes or more without a break she tells  me all her problems. Her son,boyfriend,sister and anyone else that has done her wrong. Always something broke down, identify theft but her boyfriend used her credit cards. I don't know what to say or do. I barely can get away from her.  What would you do? 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,757
Registered: ‎11-28-2012

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Walk the other way when I see her coming!

 

If that's impossible I'd act like I was in a hurry and say you'd love to talk but you have to run.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,756
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Q: "How are you?"

A:  "Busy, no time, must run.  Take care!"   

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,539
Registered: ‎11-23-2013

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

I know someone like that.  She drains the energy from me.  I saw her a few months ago in BJ's.  We said then she started.  I let her get a few words in, wished her luck and left.

Get your flu shot...because I didn't.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,306
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way. No need to make her feel bad.

 

People that do this are suffering from chronic loneliness. I have seen it first hand. Say a prayer for her and be sorry for your white lie but I would rather lie than kick someone when they are down. It's actually very sad that she cannot contain herself and just has to let it spill out to anyone even strangers before she bursts. She has no one else to talk to. Very sad indeed.

~Live with Intention~
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,472
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

When you see her...wave and keep walking....

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,756
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

NycVixen wrote, in part: "I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way...."

She might indeed be lonely or unhappy.  Either way, I'd never advise someone to lie.    

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,612
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

Depending on how you feel next time you see her, look at your watch and say you've only got a few minutes and after five or so minutes, say you have to be on your way.  I used to have a neighbor like that.  I'd listen a bit and then go, even if it was just to go back into my own house.

 

I think the headache idea is going to be hard to keep up, especially if you see her when you're with other people or if you might be on your way to somewhere she might also end up seeing you.

Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,001
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!


@Vickiv wrote:

i have a lady that I know and run into quite often. When I see her she will say how are you? That's it then it starts. After 30 minutes or more without a break she tells  me all her problems. Her son,boyfriend,sister and anyone else that has done her wrong. Always something broke down, identify theft but her boyfriend used her credit cards. I don't know what to say or do. I barely can get away from her.  What would you do? 


you have to be a bit tougher

she says hi.....

you: Hi are you, can't stop to chat have to get to ______

then move on.

 

I think some readers will think I am being not nice, but  holding someone hostage to 30 minutes+ of unwanted chatter is not being considerate of the other person either.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 767
Registered: ‎07-12-2010

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

[ Edited ]

I had a neighbor like that once. He seemed to have me on some sort of tracking device since every time (and I mean EVERY time) I would step outside to where he could see me, his garage doors would go up or his gate would open..and he'd be there. Or I'd go out to get the mail and he'd be suddenly standing there as I turned around to go back up to the house.

 

Every time I went out to the front of the house, he'd show up out of nowhere...like a miraculous vision.

 

I got to feeling like I had to look both ways before exiting the house and then do a military zig-zag pattern back to the house in order to avoid him.

 

He was an older man and just seemed to llooooooove to talk to me. He obviously needed to talk to someone...and for some reason I was selected to be that someone.

 

I tell ya, it never pays to be nice. I think I opened Pandora's Box with him when I first moved in and said "hello". After that, I was his "best friend".

 

It put me in a horrible position because I didnt want to be rude and I could see he obviously needed the human contact.

 

But it got to be utterly annoying. I had to do the beeline to and beeline back from the mail box. I dreaded watering the front yard.

 

I thought I sent enough signals that I didn't have the time to talk every time I walked outside. I mean, can no one read tone of voice or body language anymore??

 

So I admit I had to turn to the cheap but effective ploy of always having my cell phone on me. I'd just fake a call if he made one of his sudden appearances. I'd be deeeeep in conversation. Or I'd be talking and just get away with smiling & waving at him.

 

It was all an act. But an act which needed to be staged. After a few encounters, he stopped popping up like at a mole at every turn.

 

Hey, you have to do what you have to do sometimes.

 

I could have told him the truth and said he bugged me and I wasn't interested in talking to him every time I was outside. But I didn't think that would be neighborly at all. I didn't want to hurt or embarrass the poor man. And one does have to live next door to some people.

 

So my attitude is that as they create the situation, one has to do what one has to do to get out of that situation (not of one's own creation).