Community Chat

[chrystaltree]

Say exactly what you just said.  It's not a new loss so I'm assuming, your thoughts and memories are around his birthday or his birth or Christmas.  You think about the life he never got to have.  She's your sister.  You don't need special words, just speak from your heart.  However, I would speak about his life; the fun times with him, the silly things.  I wouldn't open up the pain of losing him with your sister.  My parents lost a child before I was born; he was the first and died when he was 7 months old.  For many years, most of my childhood, my mom baked a birthday cake for his birthday and all of us kids blew out the candles.  And ate cake!  I know now that it was her way of celebrating that child's life, cherishing the time they had with him.  

[LindaSal]

I would send her a pretty bouquet of flowers with a card that says I love you and I love and miss your son, please know he is always in my heart.  

[debcakes]

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@panda1234 wrote:

Speak from your heart, say what you have posted here. Tell her you are thinking of him today and how much you miss him. This would mean the world to her. I have a friend who lost a daughter and she once told me that all you want is for people to remember the person who is gone.

The above is the best advice. I have a friend who lost her son to cancer  24 years ago.  Most of her current friends never met her son. I have noticed that when her old friends who knew him are together, she really likes to talk about him and be able to mention him to people who knew him and can add to the comments. I think she likes to have people mention him by name and to know he is not forgotten. It’s just so sad, even now.

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[catter70]

Thank you all for your kindness. My heart has been broken for her all these years. She was such a good mom and caregiver.It really changes the entire dynamics of a family when a child dies before a parent.

[henderson]

We lost our 33 yr old son to cancer on 12/10/10.  Everyone has given good advice -- I want our family to remember our son and speaking from the heart is one way to do that.  It helps to remember that he was loved by his family and friends.  We never want to forget.  It does get easier over time dealing with the grief.

[catter70]

@henderson. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you so much. 

[mousiegirl]

@catter70   Is there a reason why you havn't told your sister this when the two of you talk about him?  It seems that would be the time.

[threecees]

Yes it is better to remember and share the tears and hope

fully a smile and a laugh or two.

Acknowledging a terrible loss and being there with someone

and talking about memories is good to do, saying you care

and even though that person is gone, they will never be

forgotten.

My parents anniversary just passed a few weeks ago and

my father is deceased. I still acknowledged the day to my

mom. I felt it was the right thing to do.

[goldensrbest]

As a person that had a son die, i can tell you it would mean the world to have some one remember, call her ,send flowers, or a card.

[catter70]

@mousiegirl, of course we've talked over the years, but it just seems that there could be more said on the day he passed, but I just don't know how to put it into words the way I want.