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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 77
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

This Christmas I invited my friend over for Christmas dinner. She has been my best friend since kindergarten and she is recently divorced. Her children ( 21 and 16) spend Christmas morning with her and then go to the father for dinner.


 


Last year I invited her for dinner and 2 hours before it was to be served she called and said that her daughter was sick, then she said her daughter wanted to come to my home for dinner, and then at 6:30 she called and said her daughter didn't want to leave the house again because she took off her makeup and could I pack up dinner and bring it to her home ( 50 miles away). Needless to day I ate alone.


This year I invited her again, please understand that I have had Christmas alone for the past 36 years, a fact that she is well aware of. I made my traditional Beef Wellington, brussel sprouts, potatoes Dauphanoise, and an apple pie.


 


Not only did she not show up, she hasn't called, texted or emailed me. It's now Saturday. I haven't contacted her because I don't want to say anything unkind. I am trying to just let the inconsiderateness of this event fade into memory and keep our friendship.


 


Full disclaimer: She had knee surgery on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Not only did I take her to the hospital and home, I also cooked a full Thanksgiving meal for her at her home because her children were with their father.


 


Oh, enough of my rant. Thank you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,550
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

So Happy - that was a lousy thing for her to do. If she was unable to come over for dinner she could have exercised some common courtesy and called you.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,355
Registered: ‎03-30-2014

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

If you are certain that she was invited and accepted, not just mentioned in passing, then for her not to show up or to contact you is beyond rude.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,468
Registered: ‎03-22-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

So Happy..... Is this behavior normal? do you give and she receives? it seems to me from the examples you have given that she expects a lot from you and you are willing to oblige.

You have taught her how to treat you. Now you are unhappy about the treatment. The only difference is that she didn't give you an excuse.

No one is awful.... not you for allowing this to happen or her for expecting these things.

I guess I wonder if you realized it was a pattern? and do you want to stop this pattern?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

I probably wouldn't invite her again. Friends don't do that to friends.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,235
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

On 12/27/2014 graycatsrule said: I probably wouldn't invite her again. Friends don't do that to friends.

True friends don't!

I would not contact her, wait for her to contact you, and give her a piece of your mind! With a friend like this, who needs enemies!

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 77
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

On 12/27/2014 Hooty said:
On 12/27/2014 graycatsrule said: I probably wouldn't invite her again. Friends don't do that to friends.

True friends don't!

I would not contact her, wait for her to contact you, and give her a piece of your mind! With a friend like this, who needs enemies!

I am not going to contact her. I do have tickets to a symphony for us to go to in 2 weeks so obviously I need to get in touch with her. I will softly let her know that it was very unkind to leave me without a word on Christmas. We usually have a lot of contact and I have been a very generous friend.

This is the gift that I gave her for Christmas because she admired mine so much.

I know that I am responsible for my own life, she made her choice and I will let her know that it was not appreciated.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,102
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

Stop being her door mat....stop playing the victim...you brought it on yourself...and till you can speak up and demand the respect you deserve...it will continue forever...

I would rather be alone...then be continually stood up by her.....

You have become her broom behind the door....

Regular Contributor
Posts: 176
Registered: ‎06-01-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

Is it possible that she has been in an accident or is unable to contact you for some other reason?

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: I don't want to complain, but what my friend did is pretty awful

Is she like this for non-Holiday events, too?

She may have a legit reason for not showing up. Accident, severe illness, family emergency, etc. Hear her out first.

Please come back and tell us how this all turned out.


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York