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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: I don't understand people

 I'm retired and do have plenty of time on my hands, I do tell people to call me anytime. I think people who have no intention of calling people will say that too. I don't mind initiating a phone call when I know people are busy, but many times they are too busy to talk or they have something better to do, my relatives are like that. I usually tell them and friends too to call me when they feel like chatting.

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Posts: 3,345
Registered: ‎07-11-2010

Re: I don't understand people

@Auntg...those women may be depressed, I don't know, and I'm not going to pry into their business. 

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.
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Posts: 1,638
Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: I don't understand people

[ Edited ]

Honestly I think you need to rethink your relationships with these people and if you really want to be friends with them. If yes, then you also need to think about your role in interacting with them.

 

I know before you were very critical of what people said when they called you after your husbands death. In this thread you mentioned when you do see people they just ask nosey questions. With no elaboration I"m not sure what that means. But it seems you've been putting walls up along the way.

 

When you are grieving you have to remember others are living their lives to the best of their abilities. When you need them they might not be available and when they are you might not be feeling like it. If these are people you want to remain friends with I'd make the attempt. And if you're out somewhere and someone brings up something that you don't want to talk about just change the subject. Say it's hard to talk about and move on to something good about them.

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Re: I don't understand people

@Catwhisperer 

 

I understand when you say you do better one-on-one as opposed to a group setting.  I'm like that too.  And I think that's part of the problem.  It's hard to make new friends without first being in some sort of group.

 

And most people just are that busy.  My sister became a widow many years ago in her early fifties.  At the time she still worked, so she had that outlet.  But she also is a very outgoing person who likes to join groups.  She's very active in her church and has become more so the older she's gotten.  She's always running here and there.  Unless it's a matter of life or death, I can never expect her to return a call or email in a timely matter.  It's just her personality and she's always been like that.

 

On the other hand, another sister is always prompt about returning and initiating calls and emails.  But, like me, she's not a social butterfly.

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I don't understand people

I think that these catch phrases like "Call me anytime" or "Let's get together," etc. are rarely literal. It's often just a way to end a visit.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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Re: I don't understand people


@Catwhisperer wrote:

Obviously, I am driving myself nuts trying to make sense out of a situation that makes no sense at all.Cat LOL


Here's what my children and I have discovered after living life for awhile.

And wondering too why it just doesn't make sense at all!

Because to us, "friend" means so much!

There are friends who are true kindred spirits, who are friends the way you are a friend. That may be just one person out of hundreds we have met. When you find even that one, that is a treasure for sure.

The rest we meet may be nice aquaintances, but that is all and we can just appreciate them for that, while not expecting more.

And then, one of my favorite things a friend said once that she thinks there are seasons of friendship and I think that is true too.

It makes the ending of these seasons not hurtful, but just to appreciate the time we had.

And then there are new ones.

And no matter how many groups with similar interests we go to, I don't think that will fill the lonliness, sometimes makes it even more lonely!, unless you find that one person that totally gets it and becomes a kindred spirit, not just at that moment but during the day, or other times when everyone under the sun is just so so busy!

For me, I am fortunate that my children are like that to me and me to them so now matter how many friends I have or lose, I have them.

And also the treasured animals I have had in my life.

It is encouraging to me that there are several even on this thread that I could see us being and understanding what a friend is, a true friend.

So we are out there, somewhere,even if it feels we are living on a different planet from most and @Catwhisperer ,I hope you find that person or persons who have the same heart as you!Heart

 

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"
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Re: I don't understand people


@on the bay wrote:

@Catwhisperer wrote:

Obviously, I am driving myself nuts trying to make sense out of a situation that makes no sense at all.Cat LOL


Here's what my children and I have discovered after living life for awhile.

And wondering too why it just doesn't make sense at all!

Because to us, "friend" means so much!

There are friends who are true kindred spirits, who are friends the way you are a friend. That may be just one person out of hundreds we have met. When you find even that one, that is a treasure for sure.

The rest we meet may be nice aquaintances, but that is all and we can just appreciate them for that, while not expecting more.

And then, one of my favorite things a friend said once that she thinks there are seasons of friendship and I think that is true too.

It makes the ending of these seasons not hurtful, but just to appreciate the time we had.

And then there are new ones.

And no matter how many groups with similar interests we go to, I don't think that will fill the lonliness, sometimes makes it even more lonely!, unless you find that one person that totally gets it and becomes a kindred spirit, not just at that moment but during the day, or other times when everyone under the sun is just so so busy!

For me, I am fortunate that my children are like that to me and me to them so now matter how many friends I have or lose, I have them.

And also the treasured animals I have had in my life.

It is encouraging to me that there are several even on this thread that I could see us being and understanding what a friend is, a true friend.

So we are out there, somewhere,even if it feels we are living on a different planet from most and @Catwhisperer ,I hope you find that person or persons who have the same heart as you!Heart

 


This made me realize, @on the bay , the reason that I cringe just a little every time I see recommendations to be a joiner somewhere in order to make friends. It reminds a little of when our daughter was little and we'd get together with another couple with a similarly aged child and expect them to just hit if off right away. :-)

 

 


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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Posts: 5,631
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: I don't understand people


@on the bay wrote:

@Catwhisperer wrote:

Obviously, I am driving myself nuts trying to make sense out of a situation that makes no sense at all.Cat LOL


Here's what my children and I have discovered after living life for awhile.

And wondering too why it just doesn't make sense at all!

Because to us, "friend" means so much!

There are friends who are true kindred spirits, who are friends the way you are a friend. That may be just one person out of hundreds we have met. When you find even that one, that is a treasure for sure.

The rest we meet may be nice aquaintances, but that is all and we can just appreciate them for that, while not expecting more.

And then, one of my favorite things a friend said once that she thinks there are seasons of friendship and I think that is true too.

It makes the ending of these seasons not hurtful, but just to appreciate the time we had.

And then there are new ones.

And no matter how many groups with similar interests we go to, I don't think that will fill the lonliness, sometimes makes it even more lonely!, unless you find that one person that totally gets it and becomes a kindred spirit, not just at that moment but during the day, or other times when everyone under the sun is just so so busy!

For me, I am fortunate that my children are like that to me and me to them so now matter how many friends I have or lose, I have them.

And also the treasured animals I have had in my life.

It is encouraging to me that there are several even on this thread that I could see us being and understanding what a friend is, a true friend.

So we are out there, somewhere,even if it feels we are living on a different planet from most and @Catwhisperer ,I hope you find that person or persons who have the same heart as you!Heart

 


@on the bay 

 

I couldn't agree more!  Some people have many friends.  I have many acquaintances and very few true friends.  Unfortunately my best friend is gone now.  And that leaves a huge hole, which I can't expect to be filled by someone else.  

 

I also agree that friendships can wax and wane.  And I have people I can speak freely with about some subjects and other people about other subjects.  Kind of like fulfilling different aspects of my personality.  Very few people can be all encompassing. 


Lastly, I also agree that many on this forum have become like friends, so that helps.  For instance, I myself have been stewing over one particular "friend" that has been falling short, in my opinion.  But after reading many of the responses to @Catwhisperer, I find that weight being lifted.  I am a very lucky and blessed woman, and I need to concentrate on that aspect of my life instead of looking for faults in another over whom I have no control.

 

👍 ❤️

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,345
Registered: ‎07-11-2010

Re: I don't understand people

[ Edited ]

I am so touched by so many of the kind, caring responses, that I am crying happy tears.

 

@on the bay....everything you said is so true and ITA. I had to chuckle when you mentioned the phrase, "living on a different planet". My DH used to say that frequently about people. Sometimes it sure seems that way about others, but then I'm sure there a some who wonder what planet I come from.Cat LOL

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.
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Posts: 6,883
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I don't understand people

@Catwhisperer @geezerette -

 

and so many others here, my heart is truly warmed as wellHeart

and I thank you.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"