Community Chat

[SharkE]

Don't over think it. Try to do whatever makes you happy and be glad your still above ground.   I see people lot worse off then me and I thank the Lord I can help them thru my giving,  but, glad I'm not faced with their problems.

I have a nice home, etc. nobody breathing down my neck like bill collectors, etc.   Guess what I'm trying to say is count your blessings ! it can always be worse.

[bikerbabe]

I understand. Do you belong to a church or any community groups? Just getting out of the house and doing something I found to be helpful when my mom died.

[bikerbabe]

I will also say that having a pet and that unconditional love has been huge for me over the years.

[Nonametoday]

Nobody asked me for my opinion but I will give it anyway.  The very few people who are sincere are from a different generation who do not text, do not stay on the computer all the time.  Those are the people who learned to communicate in their youth. 

My grandchildren (and unfortunately now, my children) rarely communicate other than a quick call when one of us is very sick, (i.e., their father who has serious illnesses and I text them when the changes are for the worse or better) and if they wish, they will text me back with "I will call you tonight" which sometimes they do and sometimes they do not.  My daughter will be more responsive from time to time.  The boys only do if I call and tell them Dad is having some kind of surgery. 

That has changed very much in the last 10 or so years (I am going to say it changed with Facebook and texting).  I could say it changed due to their family status, ages of their children.  But my children are from 2 families almost.  I had two children and waited 10 years and had two more.  The baby was in his 30s before he married so that is no excuse.  The others have college-age children.  They are all the same.  They live in cyberspace.  

[geezerette]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@geezerette wrote:

@catwhisperer 

I have a question for you:  did this happen with these same friends when your husband was alive?  Or it is only now that you're alone?

The reason I ask is because I have the same thing happen to me all the time.  "Call me if you need me."  "I love you so much!"  "We need to go..."  And then when I reach out to them--nothing.  But...this happened to us when my husband was alive too.  People talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.  And when you bring it up to them, they are either "so sorry" or they don't know what you're talking about.

I do think it depends on the person.  I have one close friend that thinks very much like I do.  And she is always here for me, for fun things and when I need help.  And I'm there for her, as best I can be now.  When she says she wants to see me, I know I'll see her.  Anybody else?  I take with a grain of salt.  Unfortunately, I'm rethinking my relationship with some of these so-called "friends".

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@geezerette.....it was happening somewhat when my DH was alive, but definitely much more now that he is gone.

There are a a couple of so called friends who say they want to get together, and if we actually do end up getting together, all they do is ask a lot of nosey questions. Then I don't from them again for months.

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@catwhisperer 

I had a few those when my husband first died, but I shut them down immediately.

I think some of it goes back to the simple fact that your relationship with some people changes when you're no longer "a couple".  You're looking at life differently now than they are. I find one person that I thought was a very good friend does the same thing as you say--she says she wants to get together with me, but then I don't hear back from her because she's gotten so busy with everyone else in her life.  I've decided that if I have to constantly remind and chase her, it's not worth the relationship.

I also am beginning to wonder if I am the one who is reading more into it than they are.  I wonder if I'm confusing empathy and sympathy from an 'acquaintance' for them wanting to be a true friend.  I mean, I enjoy being with these people, but how much do I really have in common with them?  Would I have a close relationship with them if they did call back or if we did go out together?

I can fully understand your frustration.  I don't say things I don't mean.  If I don't want to see you or I don't have time, I don't suggest we get together.  I'm trying to concentrate more on the people I know that think like I do, and reciprocate in kind.  If you have some of those, be grateful and treat them well.  If you're looking for more of those, try joining in things that you have an interest where you may at least have something in common.  

As for those that don't have time for you, either see them on occasion if you choose to, or choose to not waste your time on them.😉

🙏🕊❤️

[cherry]

If you belong to a church or civic group it might help  you make some friends. There are lots of nice people in your boat too..you just need to find them

[Nonametoday]

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@cherry wrote:

If you belong to a church or civic group it might help  you make some friends. There are lots of nice people in your boat too..you just need to find them

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@cherry   Cherry, you are absolutely correct.  In the recent past until my DH became so ill such that I cannot, I taught SS, volunteered with the bereavement committee, worked with the our outreach for abused/homeless women, was a member of garden club, master gardeners, a study club, book club and served on a local arts committee.  Organizations are always seeking volunteers and churches always seeking attendees.  These are the best way to gain sincere and loving friendships.

My family is more my friends than my blood relatives.  I get calls from all over the country from past friends and local friends than from family.  All I need do is text or email them and I am inundated with calls.  I get calls and support from my church members, my social friends, my bridge club members and the administration at my church. 

I do not want to talk to them at length and they do not wish to hear everything wrong, but just a brief call so they know what is going on and that they care. All things equal, I could not ask for better friendships than my social, civic and church friends.  

[catwhisperer]

@Nonametoday....ITA with everything you said. I do think it's a generation thing.

[catwhisperer]

Thank you all again for the wonderful, insightful responses. 

[mousiegirl]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

I appreciate your honesty, but if you don't mean what you say, then you should not say it. Maybe I am old school, but I was raised to be honest and if I say I am going to do something, I stand by my word. Very sad that people nowadays just say anything and have no intention of following up. 

Edited to add, I honestly don't know what the purpose is for having a phone if you refuse to answer it.

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@catwhisperer   I agree that if you saying something, then follow through.

I have a landline due to a gate, and i never answer it due to so many telemarketers, but I do listen to messages, then call if it is someone I know.

I think someone saying, "I'll call you, etc.," usually means they just want to leave and by saying that, the conversation ends and the person is on her way.