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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,452
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

If my husband could, he would send me a husband. That´s the kind of person he was. 

 

He´s the guy who ask me to wear a red dress to his funeral whenever he died. He also told my family to make sure I did. This went on for years and i would agree, just so that he would stop saying it.

 

The day after he died my family asked if I had my red dress. They said i made a promise and i had to keep it, so i did. Alot of the other people also had red and different colors. He wore a navy blue suit and a red tie.

 

It´s only two years so I´m still waiting for him to send me a sign lol

 

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,253
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL


@CrazyDaisy wrote:

Why such drama, I am sure she was not trying to offend you.  While you may not feel that way right now, who is to say how you will feel in the future. 

 

Also some people do not want to look like they are taking advantage of people who are grieving by taking things that in that moment they feel they do not want.  People often regret getting rid of things to quickly after loosing someone.


 

 

i agree @CrazyDaisy .

 

i am also wondering why she says "former sister in law?" isnt she still the sister in law even though her husband has passed away?

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,604
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

I think perhaps your SIL does not want your table or casserole dishes..  She didn't want to hurt your feelings and just say "No, I don't want or need any more stuff" so she tried to come up with an excuse of why you should keep them.

 

She failed miserably.  She dug a hole and couldn't get out of it gracefully.

 

I would just forget it.  Donate your unwanted items to your favorite charity or have a yard sale.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,077
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

@Carmie  If she doesn't want the table and other things it wouldn't bother me. I will give it to someone else if they want it or just throw out.  It's just stuff no big deal.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,685
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

[ Edited ]

Thought about this drama filled thread while outside weed-eating my yard.   I certainly still consider my late husband's family the same as when he was alive.  My sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law could not be more supportive if they tried. They love my husband and welcomed him with open arms because they love me and my kids.   If they aren't my relatives anymore then did my kids lose their cousins ( all 70 plus of them), their aunts and uncles, etc.?  

 

Of course not, we are all still family and  they have embraced my new husband as we have embraced his family.    There have been many holidays, weddings, funerals, births, deaths and reunions the past fifteen years and nobody said - Hey, are you really still  related to somebody here or not?

 

We are family and that's enough. Heart

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,253
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

every person is different of course.

 

i could not picture my mom dating anyone after my father was killed.

they had been married for 45 years.......this year would have been their 60th wedding anniversary.  his photos are still all around the house......so are some of his possessions.

 

she has dated two men.....one she really liked, but he began suffering from alzheimers and the relationship could not continue. the other man was an 80 year old player and she knew it. Smiley Wink she has not cut herself off from men, nor should she. she goes out with her friends, is involved in a few charitable organizations, dances with men, talks with men. she isnt in hiding and she never said "never again." of course, as i said, every person is different. i am just happy to see HER still  having a happy life at the age of 79, even though my father has passed.

 

it takes a lot of strength to move on and move forward.....and she never said "never." i have no doubt that a day doesnt go by when she thinks of him with love and it puts a smile on her face.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,604
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

@CrazyKittyLvr2   I know if she told you she didn't want your things, you would be okay with it.  You are one classy Lady.

 

Your SIL, like many other people might have a problem with saying no.  I know many people like that.  They would be so much better off by just saying " no, thank you" but they can't.  Many times they learned this behavior as a child.

 

I am so sorry for your loss and I know you are still hurting.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,077
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

@Carmie   Thanks.   I find the older I get I find most people work my last nerve.  Was going on long before DH got sick.  I am doing as good as I can.  I have great kids, wonderful friends and my family.  I am trying to get used to not having my other half.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL


@sunshine45 wrote:

every person is different of course.

 

i could not picture my mom dating anyone after my father was killed.

they had been married for 45 years.......this year would have been their 60th wedding anniversary.  his photos are still all around the house......so are some of his possessions.

 

she has dated two men.....one she really liked, but he began suffering from alzheimers and the relationship could not continue. the other man was an 80 year old player and she knew it. Smiley Wink she has not cut herself off from men, nor should she. she goes out with her friends, is involved in a few charitable organizations, dances with men, talks with men. she isnt in hiding and she never said "never again." of course, as i said, every person is different. i am just happy to see HER still  having a happy life at the age of 79, even though my father has passed.

 

it takes a lot of strength to move on and move forward.....and she never said "never." i have no doubt that a day doesnt go by when she thinks of him with love and it puts a smile on her face.


@sunshine45, please forgive me, but I can't help chuckling at "an 80 year old player."


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,346
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I am seldom speechless, however, my former SIL

They all become "former" in-laws when a husband dies?? That seems insensitive. SIL apparently doesn't know of your decision not to date or marry again. Now that she does, I'm sure she wishes she had simply said "no, but thanks anyways."