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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,068
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

I would divorce him in a New York minute.

 

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,769
Registered: ‎02-14-2017

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

This is why I’m single.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,739
Registered: ‎05-19-2012

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

FINAL UPDATE:  Mr. Productive explains what followed Ms. Hax's advice.

 

 

Q: Productive Conversations
 

Hi Carolyn - I'm the lawyer-husband who wrote in some weeks ago about being frustrated that my wife (also a lawyer) wasn't taking better advantage of the extra time we had gained from not commuting and traveling for work to do more productive things, such as intellectual reading and more intensive exercise. We did subsequently attend a few sessions with a marriage counselor which were very helpful. In particular, we identified that a big part of the difference in how we wanted to spend leisure time was a direct result of the specific demands of our (paid) work. Although we are both lawyers, my work at the moment involves working on routine contracts, for the most part, that are not particularly intellectually challenging; on the other hand, hers involves clients who are much more emotionally demanding, plus high-stakes pro bono work with lifesaving implications - so she ends up feeling drained and wanting to take it easy during non-work time. Ultimately, we also figured out that I am just a person who likes to go on all cylinders all the time (which makes my current work all the more frustrating - although I'm glad to have it at a time when a lot of law firms have been doing layoffs), while she prefers cozy quiet time in her personal life. After the counseling sessions, we did decide to separate/divorce due to not really having compatible outlooks and priorities, but are doing so from a much warmer, friendlier place, without resentments and blame. At the core, we are just very different people, something that didn't really come to light while we were so, so busy finishing law school and singularly focused on building our careers, but the close quarters of the pandemic made it obvious that we would be happier going in different directions.

 

A: Carolyn Hax
 

Even an amicable divorce is grueling, so, I'm sorry you're facing that, though it sounds like the right thing for both of you. Thank you for the follow-up.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,340
Registered: ‎05-22-2016

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

To me it's apparent that they never really knew each other until after the pandemic started which made them 'live' together...

 

....and like they say: "you never really know someone until your live with them."

 

I say it's time to rediscover each other, get to know them and if it doesn't work out well then start making plans to do something or someone else.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,685
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

I already feel sorry for his future children

 

I bet the wife was 10x more successful than him and this was his way of feeding his ego, cutting her down while patting himself on the back 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 151
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

Mr. Productive sounds just like my "ex".  I am so thankful that our divorce happened 10 years ago and that I did not have to quarantine for all this time with him. Control freak narcissists do not have partners- they take hostages. Hope that guy's poor wife gets out while she can.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,882
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

I have been happy with my spouse for more than 40 years because we are very much alike.  We tend to be more like Mr. than Mrs.  It's because we both love learning things so much.

 

Our first vacation was to the mountains.  Never again.  We were bored to pieces and neither of us wanted to relax on vacation.  We went to historic places, bought books, talked to locals, sat with locals at restaurants when we could etc.  No relaxing for us!! 

 

We are a great match and would be bored with someone like Mrs. above.  And Mrs. would be very annoyed by either of us telling her what we had read, suggesting good books, wanting to go see this and that, and in general what she probably would consider a pain and to her boring.  Yes, Mr. is obnoxious, but not because he is a "doer."  He's just obnoxious I think. 

 

So marry someone you like, and like to talk to and are interested in, and you stand a great chance of being happy!  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,638
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt


@Drythe wrote:

@golding76 

 

Dear Productive,

Your ego the size of a semi.  Lighten-up.

 


Woman LOLWoman LOLWoman LOL

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,138
Registered: ‎10-30-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

It's amazing to me how many couples discovered that they just did not like each other during COVID. 

 

I am glad that they have both decided to go there separate ways. Perhaps he can get together with someone that shares the same goals and has his level of ambition, and his soon to be ex wife can get together with someone that is more her speed as well. Neither type is right or wrong, they just sound like they never should have gotten together to begin with.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,333
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: I Was Overwhelmed by the Arrogance and Contempt

[ Edited ]

@golding76 

 

Without reading anything other than your post, I have to wonder what drew them together to begin with. 

 

What did she see/feel that made her say, "this is the man for me."

 

Without even waiting for a response to that question I would offer this:

 

Run.  Run screaming!  

 

Get half of everything now and leave.