Community Chat

[Sooner]

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@mima wrote:

I'm still trying to figure out how she is nosey by giving your mom a cell phone.  

I like the idea about taking all the numbers out except the cousins.  I think that is a great!

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She is sticking her nose into the OP's responsibility for her mother.  When people have dementia and are in a care facility, they are there for a reason.  They are there because they are a threat to themselves and others by their actions.  When someone is calling another person and not letting them sleep, that is a hazard to them.

Having been through this several times with relatives I was responsible for, you can't let others drive you nuts with stuff like this phone.  It is difficult enough to get through all the grief, paperwork, daily decisions you have to make about someone else's life, and the hard hard hard things you have to do sometimes.

You have to do things that make your loved one  unhappy, and that is never without guilt and sorrow.  BUT you are responsible and you have to do it.  Nobody else does.  Just YOU.  And when a person has dementia, you often have someone you can't make happy. . . it just is what it is.  

I get calls about what to do about meds.  I'm not a doctor, I have no experience with this, but I'm supposed to decide what to do.  I have people who find out what my mother is taking and then give ADVICE and have some horror stories about someone they knew.  So I lie awake for days and worry about that. . . etc. etc.   Medicine has side effects, so how do I know?

I hope that helps some understand.  It is a terrible thing to go through for the patient and the caregiver.  

[CelticCrafter]

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@Yardlie wrote:

I agree...take the phone away from her. When my parents first put my grandmother in a nursing home, she was calling my parents about 10 times a day begging to get out.

My parents talked to the social worker at the nursing home. She recommended my parents remove the phone from my grandmother's room. She said it is very common for the inpatient resident to exhibit this type of behavior when they are recently admitted. She told us that there is a cordless phone at the nurses' station that my grandmother could use if she needed one...or the nurse could bring my grandmother the phone if someone called her.

Just tell your cousin that you have taken the phone away, and if she wants to continue making the monthly fees for the phone, that is up to her.

You are her power of attorney for what...health care or finance? At any rate, you could make a case for your daughter's sanity. Just take the phone away from her, and ask your cousin to stay out of the situation.

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Toward the end of her life, my sister spent weeks on end in the hospital and started to suffer from ICU Psychosis.  She would call me and her husband at ung*dly hours of the night.  He would have to call the nurses station and have the phone removed from her bedside.

[nun ya]

I agree with having the daughter block the number. 

[Group 5 minus 1]

What makes the relative nosey?

[hckynut]

@Leeny,

I do not give advice, just suggestions. Were I in your position, I am a "pull no punches guy".  I would tell this cousin, face to face, "get that cell phone from my mother, or I will". Simple and direct is and has always been my choice of action.

I am assuming you nor your mother signed anything pertaining to a cell phone contract. If that is indeed the case, neither of you have any legal responsibility to pay for this cell phone, or it's service.

No "beating around the rose", straight forward. If the cousin does not comply? Do exactly as yous said, take the cell phone from your mother. If they want to continue to pay for a non-used cell phone. That's their problem.

I follow through with what I say to friends/business relations, and even direct family members like my siblings. No fooling around is going to be happening around me. I give everyone the straight skinny and it is up to them from there. Most that know me well have no doubt with things of this nature.

Best to you and your mother,

hckynut(john)

[Leeny]

@hckynut  Thank You for your suggestion. I have done this and now this week I am going out and taking the phone away from her and returning the phone to the cousin. I am leaving it at the front desk for her to pick up. 

To beat all, I received a phone call from the cousin's sister giving me the riot act of being told she feels my mother is being abused by taking a phone away. Never in all my life have I ever heard of such nonsense. This sister was an RN you would think she would be a bit understanding. 

No, we didn't sign anything for this phone, it was a gift. Some gift. 

Again, thank you for your reply.

[Leeny]

@Suziepeach  Thank you for your support. The phone is going back to the cousin this week. I never thought there could be so much rucus about a telephone. 

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Leeny wrote:

@hckynut  Thank You for your suggestion. I have done this and now this week I am going out and taking the phone away from her and returning the phone to the cousin. I am leaving it at the front desk for her to pick up. 

To beat all, I received a phone call from the cousin's sister giving me the riot act of being told she feels my mother is being abused by taking a phone away. Never in all my life have I ever heard of such nonsense. This sister was an RN you would think she would be a bit understanding. 

No, we didn't sign anything for this phone, it was a gift. Some gift. 

Again, thank you for your reply.

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@Leeny

So, you are going to leave the phone at the front desk, to be given back to your cousin?????

What if the cousin gives the phone back to your mom?

Then what are you going to do?

I would just take the dam phone and throw it in to a drawer at home, and be done with it.

But that's just me.

[Leeny]

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@ncascade wrote:

What makes the relative nosey?

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@Group 5 minus 1  That's a darn good question. She's never been married and I think she has too much time on her hands, but seriously I really don't understand it.

[Suziepeach]

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@Leeny wrote:

@Suziepeach  Thank you for your support. The phone is going back to the cousin this week. I never thought there could be so much rucus about a telephone. 

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@Leeny, you are more than welcome, and I sure wish you the best of luck with your cousin.  And I will keep prayers said for your mom and family. You are doing the right thing giving the phone back to your cousin.   As I mentioned earlier I was POA with my dad (Tennessee allowed both my sister and I to share that but that's a whole different story grrrr).  We were already on his checking account so I was his voice when he couldn't say anything.  

It's the smallest things that cause ruckus.  The cousin had no right at all doing that and completely bypassed you, her daughter.   Keep us posted and again, good luck!!!