Community Chat

[monicakm]

A good friend of his and my granddaughter's first boyfriend, killed himself tonight.  He was only 16.  SIXTEEN!!!  

 

My grandson is devastated and feels somewhat responsible since this boy called him today to tell him he was going to do it.  My grandson was working with my husband today and told his friend don't do anything...I'll call you as soon as I get home.  His friend said "OK".  When he got home, it was too late and of course my grandson blames himself.  Hopefully, after the talk we had he realizes it was in no way his fault but I know he's going to feel guilty for a long time.  His friend had problems with his mom and moved to Wisconsin to live with his dad about a year ago.  Dear God, I can't even imagine what his parents are going thru   He has left behind younger brothers and sisters to forever miss him and friends like my grandson who wonders what he could have done differently to prevent him from taking his life.

[Goldengate8361]

Such a sad, sad tragedy. I'm glad to see people gradually start to take mental health seriously. We have a long way to go. I'm sure you'll be a great comfort to your grandson as you help him navigate through his feelings. Very sad.

[Pezzie]

OMG!  I am sorry for your grandson and the guilt that he feels, but your grandson has to realize he is not a trained mental health expert and no way is this his fault.  Your grandson could benefit from some counseling.  Such tragic news all the way around.

[monicakm]

@Pezzie 

I am going to text this to him (the part about not being a trained mental health expert) and talk to his parents about counciling.  T is close to their preacher and it wouldn't surprise me if his mom and dad are already considering this.  I can't wrap my head around the mental anguish one has to experience to do this   I was around him 3-4 times.  I liked him.

[retiredatlast]

I am so sorry that your grandson had this experience.  I can tell you that I am a licensed mental health professional with 30 years experience in community mental health and 10 years of experience as an officer and member of a crisis hotline, and I couldn't always prevent someone from taking their life.  Suicide is a decision that people make, sometimes impulsively and other times well thought out.  But the consensus is, that if a person is determined to take their own life, they will eventually do it.  And sometimes no one can stop them.  Even a mental health professional or a hotline worker. It will be very hard on your grandson and I certainly hope he gets some counselling with someone that will help him accept this fact so he can go on with his life without feeling a sense of responsiblity for his friend's death.  But the sadness of the loss will remain.

[Carmie]

This is just so awful.  I am sorry this happened.  It devastates the family and the whole community.

I know because my cousin's youngest son did the same thing on Labor Day after a family picnic.  No one knows why.

There is no one to blame.  Sometimes things are out of our hands.

I am so sorry for your grandson, and his friend's family.  May the young man who passed rest in peace.

[rockygems123]

@monicakm 

My heart goes out to you and your grandson and also your husband, all of you are grieving in some way.

My son and I went to therapy for at least a year when he was 14 as his father died.  It can be difficult finding a good therapist and also to get all parties involved.  Thinking maybe this would be a partial solution to help your grandson to alleviate some of his guilt.  

An adult friend of mine had his long time buddy kill himself, as mutual friends we both felt guilty as we felt we didn't do enough.  It took a while to work through that one, as you say you feel and grieve for the remaining friends and family. 

We were adults, as you say your grandson is a precious 17yr old.  So grateful he has you and your husband to help him.

[monicakm]

Thank you @retiredatlast .

I am going to send this to him.

[monicakm]

Thank you @rockygems123 

I am hoping he will be open to therapy

be it his preacher or a therapist.  I know his 

parents would support this but if he felt more comfortable 

with me, I would certainly accompany him.  He is mad at his 

sister.  When I asked about her (after giving him due time to 

talk about his feelings), he said she didn't care and was playing video games.  I told him to not be harsh and judge her.  Not only do we all grieve

differently, but some of us have a delayed reaction.  It was a couple of months before I broke down after my brother died.  I was so grateful he was out of his miserable and painful existence (lung, brain and liver cancer) and in heaven where he longed to be for such a long time.  Then (my) reality hit.