I Am A Fraud

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

I go to work everyday, I say hello to everyone, socialize, I am polite and think people have a favorable opinion of me. This is an act on my part, I put this "mask" on for the outside world, I am so not this person. I'm not good in large groups ( maybe I have social anxiety) but force myself to try and fit in. While I like people I would describe myself as a loner. I don't have this outgoing personality, but you would never know, I hide it well. I am a people pleaser, I guess if I showed people who I really am I think they wouldn't like me.

On It · ‎03-15-2021

@Jordan2 You are describing many of the attributes of an introvert. We can function in crowds, but they drain our energy. Being around people is not enjoyable, but an introvert can fake it. Being in a quiet place alone is where an introvert recharges and functions best.

Unfortunately today's workplace is designed for extroverts. They are energized by being with others and working in office settings. They enjoy being with others and seek out opportunities for group activities.

You are not a fraud. You are doing what you have to do to succeed in today's workplace.

catter70 · ‎10-11-2017

I'm with you. Would just rather be home. Not a socializer, if I can help it, but can play the game, if I have to. I feel your pain.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Jordan2 You sound very normal to me. I do well in crowds, but prefer my own company. My childhood friends still tease me for wanting to stay inside and read when they came to the door for me to go out with them.

If I go out, I like a small group of friends, not crowds. For this reason, I hate office parties, wedding receptions, banquets, etc.

I don't think I am a fraud, I am just good at fitting in if I need to....the same as you. We have good mental stability. I don't think we're alone. Many people are the same way.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Jordan2 So not true. I think many, myself included, have two "faces". I need to be "on" most of the time for clients, weddings, DH's dinners, etc. Even my few close friends (only 3) thought I was outgoing, but have seen the quiet introspective side.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own company and that's not being a loner IMO.

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@Jordan2 wrote:
I go to work everyday, I say hello to everyone, socialize, I am polite and think people have a favorable opinion of me. This is an act on my part, I put this "mask" on for the outside world, I am so not this person. I'm not good in large groups ( maybe I have social anxiety) but force myself to try and fit in. While I like people I would describe myself as a loner. I don't have this outgoing personality, but you would never know, I hide it well. I am a people pleaser, I guess if I showed people who I really am I think they wouldn't like me.

@Jordan2

Doesn't fit my definition of a fraud. Said many times here, and other social media sites. I am who I am, no pretenses. Even my mother could not believe what I chose to do when I was a freshman in high school.

Won't go into the story, but she told me "just sign the paper from the teacher"! I said "I am not going sign a paper saying I won't do something again, when I did not do it, period". I paid a price for sure given by that teacher.

Been upfront with everyone regardless of status in the workplace, or life in general. I tell it like I see it, and that's who I am, and intend on being the few years I have left.

hckynut 🇺🇸

hckynut(john)

Thats Me · ‎03-09-2010

@Jordan2 @I was thinking about your post and then just now read @On It @'s reply.

I was thinking that at least some of what you wrote are things I feel too, and I've known I'm a major introvert for a long time. The pandemic made it more so and now I describe myself as a hermit!

I think On It is right that the workplace is designed for extroverts. When I worked I too would enter, say hi to everyone, always be polite. I was well liked too. And then when I got home at the end of the day I would be so happy to finally be by myself.

You're not a fraud! Exactly as On It says, you're doing what you need to do to make it in an extroverted workplace environment.

Im still thinking about your last comment that people wouldn't like you if they really knew you. I think THAT sentiment is something that many of us relate to but we just wouldn't express it. It would stay in our private thoughts.

Accept yourself and love who you are!

We rescue cats · ‎01-25-2023

@Jordan2 you are not a fraud, you are normal in my eyes. I have worked with the public for 99% of my career, that took its toll, it's tough work. When the opportunity to move my business home arose I took it and when my present employer asked me to work for him from home, I jumped on it. It did turn me into a home body, I learned that I love being in a less social position daily. Sort of like that Eleanor Rigby lyric, "wearing a face she keeps in a jar by the door". I enjoy small groups, dinner with friends, and if I need to attend a large event I want to be with people that I know and enjoy. I'm empathic and as I have aged it has become stronger than ever, when in a larger group it becomes confusing and 'noisy' in my mind, there are too many feelings and thoughts bombarding me.

As to you thought of being a fraud, I do not think you are a fraud. I think you are being honest, especially with yourself-and that is what is most important.

Critter Lover! (especially cats!)

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

You sound exactly like me. You are NOT a fraud. Society has put undue requirements on all of us to feel a certain way. A fraud would be going to work everyday and NOT doing your job.

In all honesty you don't know what is going on in others. Others at work may feel exactly like you.

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@Thats Me wrote:
@Jordan2 @I was thinking about your post and then just now read @On It @'s reply.

I was thinking that at least some of what you wrote are things I feel too, and I've known I'm a major introvert for a long time. The pandemic made it more so and now I describe myself as a hermit!

I think On It is right that the workplace is designed for extroverts. When I worked I too would enter, say hi to everyone, always be polite. I was well liked too. And then when I got home at the end of the day I would be so happy to finally be by myself.

You're not a fraud! Exactly as On It says, you're doing what you need to do to make it in an extroverted workplace environment.

*****************************************************
Im still thinking about your last comment that people wouldn't like you if they really knew you. I think THAT sentiment is something that many of us relate to but we just wouldn't express it. It would stay in our private thoughts.
Accept yourself and love who you are!

@Thats Me

What you stated about "people wouldn't like you if they really knew you". I have never cared if "people liked me". Unless a person is close to me in my life why would I give a rat's behind if they liked me?

I didn't and I don't. Might have turned out better for me during my 33 years with a big company, but! I did my jobs well and if my bosses told me to do some things that weren't in my Job Description? That's exactly what I told them, right after saying "Nope"! Did I care if they liked me?

Could write a book about my many similar life experiences, will leave it at this. I am the real me, like me, don't like me, your choice not mine.

hckynut 🇺🇸