Community Chat

[crackster]

I need opinions. My husband is in skilled nursing and rehab. As to now, he has a catheter, cannot feed himself, and is unable to walk. All he wants to do is come home, but would need 24 hour care by two burly men to lift him in and out of bed, and in and out of the wheelchair. And to the potty.  A Urologist that he saw before his legs quit him wanted to do a scope of his pee pee.  Understand this is uncomfortable, and my husband says "I am never seeing another doctor".  I feel like he is in enough discomfort, I do not want to put him through the angst of going to the doctor, and perhaps experiencing more pain. Want to do the best for him, but he has had sooooo much, and crying out in pain with his arthritis.  He is better than he was, but it hurts him to move, and his butt hurts when he sits in a wheelchair, because he has no meat on his bones. Am working towards getting us both places in assisted living so we can be together. That is all he wants, and all I want.  He calls me everyday and says "please come get me", it tears my heart out.  I will have to sell my house of 28 years, in a short period of time, and move all our stuff, some of my late sister's, stuff, and things that belonged to my mother.  Looking for some solace and prayer.

[gidgetgh]

@crackster -I don't know what guidance to give you.  Knowing what to do for a spouse who is failing is so difficult. Sometimes,  what you want to do in your heart just isn't possible logistically and it's heartbreaking.  I've been there.   But I wanted you to know that your post made me cry.  I am so sorry for your husbands condition and for you as his loving wife and caregiver.  My heart goes out to both of you. God bless you both.

[Mom2Dogs]

@crackster   You have a lot on your plate, I am sorry you husband is so ill.

 Homes are moving pretty fast these days, so if you sell you might have good luck with a quick sale.  It's moving everything out and getting another place that I see as a bigger issue.  Generally you get 30 days.

If you have kids, hopefully they can help or you may need to hire someome to do it for you.  You may need a storage unit or possibly a company that sells things at auction.  As you know your assisted living home will not be as big as your home.

Do you really want to move?  Not to be hurtful but if your husband does not have a long life span, do you want to be in an assisted living facility?

You have a lot to think about...take care.

[On It]

@crackster What a lonely and horrible position to be in! I am so sorry you are having to make these decisions. From what you have described going home doesn't seem likely. You simply couldn't physically be up for the task. Listen to your instincts and do what is best for BOTH you and your husband. I'll be thinking of you.

[eddyandme]

Sending prayers and ((hugs)) for both of you.  You both are going through a most trying time.  Give it to God and I'm sure He will send someone into your life to help you sell your house and move into an assisted living facility.

Remember, your both very lucky to have a very special loving relationship.  Try to celebrate that special gift at this time.

[LuvmyLab]

I am so sorry for your situation.  Even though it is not the same, I went through that with my mother.  It is very hard and extremely draining on you.  Prayers for you during this most difficult time.

[on the bay]

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I hope you can have some help with packing things up and getting rid of thing too all the while keeping your heart and head focused on your goal which sounds like a wonderful solution.

When my mother moved from her house into assisted living, my sister found a moving company-well I forget what they are called but they pack everything, discard things you don't want and sell things for you. They then move and unpack everything in the new place including hanging pictures, putting away dishes, making it look like a home.

If you can afford that after the sale of your home it is so worth it.

I hope you both can be together sooner than you think!

[busymom22]

Does your husband have any sort of diagnosis or determination of how long he might live? Is he on hospice?

If your husband was to pass is assisted living still your goal?

I'd consider these things when making such a big decision.  Selling your house and moving is such a challenging event.

I will be praying for you!

[Tadaki]

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@crackster wrote:

I need opinions. My husband is in skilled nursing and rehab. As to now, he has a catheter, cannot feed himself, and is unable to walk. All he wants to do is come home, but would need 24 hour care by two burly men to lift him in and out of bed, and in and out of the wheelchair. And to the potty.  A Urologist that he saw before his legs quit him wanted to do a scope of his pee pee.  Understand this is uncomfortable, and my husband says "I am never seeing another doctor".  I feel like he is in enough discomfort, I do not want to put him through the angst of going to the doctor, and perhaps experiencing more pain. Want to do the best for him, but he has had sooooo much, and crying out in pain with his arthritis.  He is better than he was, but it hurts him to move, and his butt hurts when he sits in a wheelchair, because he has no meat on his bones. Am working towards getting us both places in assisted living so we can be together. That is all he wants, and all I want.  He calls me everyday and says "please come get me", it tears my heart out.  I will have to sell my house of 28 years, in a short period of time, and move all our stuff, some of my late sister's, stuff, and things that belonged to my mother.  Looking for some solace and prayer.

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@crackster So sorry to hear this.  It must be heartbreaking to know how badly he wants to come home.  But if he's in rehab, that sounds like he could improve with treatment.  I don't think he could live in assisted living unless he is expected to improve a great deal.  I think you have to be able to get in and out of bed, shower, walk, basically do day to day activities in order to be in assisted living.  Hopefully, someone else knows more than I do.  

[on the bay]

It's true, he would need more than assisted living, a place that has more care and most do have different levels of care. I think you can still live there together and many live in a place with care but also hire a daily caretaker. We had that for my mother in one senior place but she eventually needed more than that.