Re: Husband in long term care, and doctor's appoin... - Page 3

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

I'm so sorry you are both going through this. Heartbreaking to have someone you love suffering.

I'm not sure what his medical situation is and how this has all developed and why - but perhaps there are ways to help him be more comfortable and pain free or at least more physically comfortable. You had mentioned that even sitting in the wheelchair is painful for him because he has no padding of his own - perhaps you could find something to put on the wheelchair seat that pads it for him? They must have things like that. They have toppers you can put on beds also so they are more comfortable too and also makes sure that body weight is more evenly distributed when laying down so as to prevent friction. Check online for these sort of things or with someone versed in this for product ideas that are suitable for his situation. Is your husband being given anything for his pain? Are the medical people aware how he is feeling? Have they consulted on ways to reduce that pain? Not sure what the urologist wanted to check for, but maybe there is another way to test this. An xray of some sort? sonogram? you know, something not invasive? or maybe if it's a pretty benign condition they are testing for with a rather benign medication they'd use to treat it, perhaps they could go a head with a trial of the medication and see if he improves? and tolerates it well? Just some ideas ..... hope in some way they can lead to something helpful.

Thinking of you both. take care.

Linmo · ‎12-16-2013

@crackster Sending prayers to you and DH. It sounds like DH needs to be where he's at right now. My parents are going through something similar. My dad's heart aches everytime mom says she wants to come home, but he is doing what's best for her.

In the meantime, you should focus on the long term plan of the two of you living together in some sort of assisted living community. Finding the right place will be really important for both of you. I wish you all the best!

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@crackster

My heartfelt prayers for you both. These are not easy decisions for one to make. I know how you feel as my dad was in rehab/assisted facility and begged everyday to come home.

I don't know his long term prognosis but you need to think about the whole situation what's best for both . Do you want or ready to live in assisted living alone if he passes.

I hope you have time to think it throughly thru or discuss with family as houses are selling quickly & this may not be the answer.

He may also be entitled to skilled in-home healthcare and i would get him "life alert" system because if he falls they notify paramedics immediately.

🙏🏻🙏🏻

gertrudecloset · ‎02-13-2021

@crackster wrote:
I need opinions. My husband is in skilled nursing and rehab. As to now, he has a catheter, cannot feed himself, and is unable to walk. All he wants to do is come home, but would need 24 hour care by two burly men to lift him in and out of bed, and in and out of the wheelchair. And to the potty. A Urologist that he saw before his legs quit him wanted to do a scope of his pee pee. Understand this is uncomfortable, and my husband says "I am never seeing another doctor". I feel like he is in enough discomfort, I do not want to put him through the angst of going to the doctor, and perhaps experiencing more pain. Want to do the best for him, but he has had sooooo much, and crying out in pain with his arthritis. He is better than he was, but it hurts him to move, and his butt hurts when he sits in a wheelchair, because he has no meat on his bones. Am working towards getting us both places in assisted living so we can be together. That is all he wants, and all I want. He calls me everyday and says "please come get me", it tears my heart out. I will have to sell my house of 28 years, in a short period of time, and move all our stuff, some of my late sister's, stuff, and things that belonged to my mother. Looking for some solace and prayer.

@cracksterPlease reach out to any Social Service agencies in your state or municipality that helps with the Elderly. Just search your state or local agency to see what you can find and call. Who knows someone in the agency may be able to assist you in finding assisted living care either before you sell your house and/or after. You and your husband need the help of a social worker that move papers to get things done for you.

In the meantime, keep your head up. Tell hubby that you are working on getting him out of there so that you and he can be together. I will be thinking on this. If I can come up with any other ideas, I'm coming back with it, to inform you.

A Negative Mind ~ Will give you a Negative Life

gertrudecloset · ‎02-13-2021

@homedecor1 wrote:
@crackster

My heartfelt prayers for you both. These are not easy decisions for one to make. I know how you feel as my dad was in rehab/assisted facility and begged everyday to come home.

I don't know his long term prognosis but you need to think about the whole situation what's best for both . Do you want or ready to live in assisted living alone if he passes.

I hope you have time to think it throughly thru or discuss with family as houses are selling quickly & this may not be the answer.

He may also be entitled to skilled in-home healthcare and i would get him "life alert" system because if he falls they notify paramedics immediately.

🙏🏻🙏🏻

Excellent point @homedecor1 . She must consider these things too. Seems like so much she's going through.

A Negative Mind ~ Will give you a Negative Life

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

@crackster

So sorry for you and your husband's situation. I will remember him and you in my prayers.

I think you need to tell your husband you can't take care of him at home until he gets better. Explain about getting him out of bed, changing his catheter, and so on.

You can get help at home, but it costs a lot of money for all the help he needs.

I don't think assisted living is the right decision. It appears he needs nursing care and a doctor overseeing him. A nursing facility (home) appears to be the right fit at this stage.

You didn't tell us his age, medical issues, why he can't walk, why he is in rehab, why he can't feed himself. I'm not sure if he is in long term care or rehab in a long term care facility. If he is in rehab, he was in a hospital before, did the hospital put a catheter in when he was admitted? Sometimes when they do that, the bladder gets lazy. There are ways to correct that, but he needs to see a urologist.

Maybe, sitting in a wheelchair all day is not the most comfortable spot for him at this point. Without knowing all his medical issues, it's difficult to determine why he can't walk. Muscles atrophy during hospital stays, a frequent cause of not being able to walk in the elderly, if he is elderly. This facility should be working with him if that's the case.

As for his arthritis pain, make sure he is getting enough pain medication. The facility he is in should have a doctor who visits the residents. Find out when he/she arrives, discuss the problems your husband is having.

As for you, I wouldn't advise moving out of your home into assisted living if you are not a candidate for assisted living. If you are capable of taking care of your home and don't want to move, don't.

Although, assisted living will not be able to take care of him, and I strongly advise against it, if you do decide, he might continue a downward trend and need to go to a nursing home anyway. Then, there you are alone in assisted living you don't need.

I know it's very difficult, but you need to be strong, take the bull by the horns, and do what's best for him. You must think about yourself and your future, too.

QVCalm · ‎08-06-2014

My husband passed away early this year; he had been in a long-term care facility; he died fom Parkinson & Dementia.
Previously, he had receiving in-home care and but that was not enough.

Two of his children did help with true concern and support. YOU WILL NEED TO HAVE GOOD PEOPLE, TOO

May God Hold You In His Daiy Care

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

@crackster, I am so very sorry for what you are dealing with.

I do think you should get some sound advice, from your husband’s doctor, and a social worker who could help you get facts before you make a decision.

If your dear husband is in pain, go to his doctor and say your husband needs more help. Even a simple thing like a pad to sit on, and he may likely need medication adjustments.

I agree that it seems unlikely that you two can live in assisted living together. Your dear husband needs a lot of care.

Please know that you and your hubby are being prayed for and that God is being asked to help you through this bad time. And I hope you may get a relative or friends to help you with all this. Sending you a hug across the miles....

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I am so very sorry for your challenging situation.

There should be an association like "Visiting Health Professionals" in your area which will come and stay the amount of time you want so you can bring your husband home. They do employ men. It may be worth looking into.

People have left the health care profession recently and someone may be looking for a position like you offer.

You can also check Angie's List for your area. This is a directory of workers and services that have already provided references.

KKWA · ‎08-21-2011

There are certainly a lot of issues here, and every state is different. Shouldn't he be in hospice so they can do something about his pain?.Do you have any help? Kids, relatives etc? If you are alone there are places Like "care for Mom" that places people in the best situation. You are not going to get rid of all your stuff and house by yourself, you are going to need help. The urology issue needs to be addressed weather he cries or not! You are clearly not able to handle this. Can you afford to get two burley men to come in and take over 24/7? If you can, GOOD FOR YOU. get a nurse for you too. If you can't, let this be a lestion to all of us who has reads this...DO NOT WAIT TILL THE LAST MIN TO MAKE THESE DECISIONS. WE WILL ALL BE THERE SOON.