Community Chat

[anisa]

Borowitz Report-Humorous take on Comcast/Time Warner Merger

Dear subscribers,

Today, it was announced that Comcast is joining forces with Time Warner Cable in a friendly acquisition worth $45 billion. As we could have expected, many people are wondering what this transaction will mean to the service that you, our subscribers, will enjoy.

We know that all of your comments, however mean-spirited some of them may have been, have come from a good place: genuine concern about what this merger will mean for your future cable service. At Comcast/Time Warner, we care deeply about those concerns, and, to help allay them, here are some answers to the Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.s) we have received since the merger was announced.

Q: How will the merger affect the price of my cable service?

A: There is no clear answer to that. But we will be introducing financing options, roughly similar to those that enabled you to attend college.

Q: Will there be any adverse impact on customer service?

A: A technician will be at your home between the hours of eight and never.

Q: How frequently will you turn off the Internet, and are you going to deliberately crush Netflix by making it impossible to stream its movies?

A: Often and probably.

Q: I am a current Time Warner subscriber. Who will be handling customer complaints, Comcast or Time Warner?

A: Please address all complaints to Comcast/Time Warner Customer Service, 666 Noonethere Lane, Abysstown, U.S.A.

Q: I have been on hold for the past hour, and no one seems to be picking up. How long can I expect to wait?

A: Due to concern about the merger, we are experiencing longer-than-expected wait times. In the meantime, eat me.

Sincerely,

Comcast/Time Warner Cable

[croemer]

Oh my gosh this may be close to the truth.

[Preds]

OK, so it appears nothing changes. Gotcha'

[tansy]

Are we sure this is humor? I can't imagine dealing with the new Comcast beast. Yuk.

[MomOf4]

Too funny and too TRUE!!

[DoneTryin]

Those people must be the same ones who own my apt bldg-any excuse to raise the price

[betteb]

[mgm2]

Directv.

[JustJazzmom]

I heard that Comcast is infamous for its service (lousy) in the Midwest.

[MomOf4]

On 2/13/2014 JustJazzmom said:

I heard that Comcast is infamous for its service (lousy) in the Midwest.

TWC is infamous for it's lousy service on the West Coast!!