Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

On 3/9/2015 scotttie said:

Perhaps the clod who insisted on her moving should have waited for a table.

Oh. Please.

I'm sure he was SHOCKED to have someone respond the way the OP did to a simple request (something that happens in crowded lunch counters and bars everywhere.)

Maybe the OP doesn't get out much and hasn't been to a crowded bar lately...and doesn't realize the etiquette of eating at a counter.

LM_O. But keep trying, y'all. It says a lot more about you than it does about me :-)

[occasionalrain]

On 3/9/2015 SnowPink said:

On 3/9/2015 occasional rain said: For those who are clueless concerning manners I'll try to explain. It's rude to put people on the spot to do something they would rather not do. In this case he disturbed someone who was trying to enjoy her meal. She didn't want to move but felt presured to do so.If a person is willing to move it's up to them to offer, asking is rude. The same goes for asking to cut in line, it's fine for someone to offer but rude to ask.

You're making generalizations that aren't accurate. You're assuming that no one would want to move. You're assuming everyone would rather NOT move. Based on this thread, that's incorrect. I would be fine with moving as would lots of other people here.

Since a person can't know how a stranger will feel about moving, he can't assume the person won't mind. The point is that if the stranger doesn't mind moving, he will offer to move and many people would do just that.

Asking is what is rude because it puts the stranger in an untenable position, if he moves when he doesn't want to move it will annoy him as it did the OP, if he refuses to move he will have to endure the hostility of the requester which isn't conducive to enjoying his lunch.

I don't want to be bothered by strangers while I'm eating; I want to be free to enjoy my meal.

However, if I'm sitting at a bar having a drink I'll offer to move to free up space for others, I also offer to allow people to go in front of me in line. What I resent is being asked to move or to let them cut in line. It's my choice to offer or not offer.

[RoughDraft]

[occasionalrain]

On 3/9/2015 Justina rae said:

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

I was taught that the first rule of good manners is putting other people's concerns and comfort above my own....helping people cheerfully.

These rules may differ from person to person or based on situation, but there is one rule of good manners (and life, in general) that is always easy to follow - do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

CONSIDERATION for others should be #1. That's what makes men "gentlemen" and women- "ladies."

And therein lies the conundrum. How about the guy "doing unto the OP" the way he would like to be treated if he is in the middle of his meal? Where was HIS consideration? If everyone thinks it wasn't such a big deal for the OP to scoot down -- plates, glass, utensils and all, with a mouthful of food -- then perhaps it wasn't such a big deal for the guy to have some respect and let the OP finish her meal. HE should have been the one to either wait for 2 available seats or go to another diner that is less crowded or even order takeout. What gives him the privilege of disturbing someone else's meal that they paid for? In a million zillion years I would never disturb someone else in the middle of eating their meal...and I guess I would expect the same courtesy. I don't think I would glare at the guy but I might actually say "Would you mind giving me 5 minutes to finish my meal"? Who is doing unto whom?

Exactly. Clearly your parents did a good job in the etiquette department.

[occasionalrain]

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

On 3/9/2015 occasional rain said: For those who are clueless concerning manners I'll try to explain. It's rude to put people on the spot to do something they would rather not do. In this case he disturbed someone who was trying to enjoy her meal. She didn't want to move but felt presured to do so.If a person is willing to move it's up to them to offer, asking is rude. The same goes for asking to cut in line, it's fine for someone to offer but rude to ask.

Sorry, but she was eating at a lunch counter. That's more informal than a sit down restaurant. It's more like being in a bar, where people move down to accommodate couples or groups all the time.

It's just good use of space to move over and let the couple sit together.

If the OP doesn't like crowded places, perhaps she would be more comfortable eating at her desk...or waiting for a table.

Informal is no excuse for bad manners. While moving is often done and may make sense asking someone to move is rude, informal or not. Offering is good, asking is bad, plain and simple.

[Moonchilde]

On 3/9/2015 occasional rain said:

On 3/9/2015 Justina rae said:

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

I was taught that the first rule of good manners is putting other people's concerns and comfort above my own....helping people cheerfully.

These rules may differ from person to person or based on situation, but there is one rule of good manners (and life, in general) that is always easy to follow - do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

CONSIDERATION for others should be #1. That's what makes men "gentlemen" and women- "ladies."

And therein lies the conundrum. How about the guy "doing unto the OP" the way he would like to be treated if he is in the middle of his meal? Where was HIS consideration? If everyone thinks it wasn't such a big deal for the OP to scoot down -- plates, glass, utensils and all, with a mouthful of food -- then perhaps it wasn't such a big deal for the guy to have some respect and let the OP finish her meal. HE should have been the one to either wait for 2 available seats or go to another diner that is less crowded or even order takeout. What gives him the privilege of disturbing someone else's meal that they paid for? In a million zillion years I would never disturb someone else in the middle of eating their meal...and I guess I would expect the same courtesy. I don't think I would glare at the guy but I might actually say "Would you mind giving me 5 minutes to finish my meal"? Who is doing unto whom?

Exactly. Clearly your parents did a good job in the etiquette department.

But the burden of being considerate is -*always* on the person being asked whatever they are asked, according to some. So presumably, the asker is never being inconsiderate, or if they are, the asked should always "be nice" and do whatever they ask, because it's...nice, to do that. Just one simple thing to remember - always do whatever anyone asks you to do, with a smile, because if you don't, then you're...not nice. Oh, dear ;-)

[TangerineDream]

A few months ago we met another couple for happy hour at a local restaurant. We arrived before the other couple and tried to find 4 seats at the bar where we could all sit together. There were 3 empty barstools available. There was another couple to the right of the 3 seats and there was one empty seat to their right which was the last one before the wall. My husband and I didn't dare ask them to move down one because they were in the middle of eating their appetizers and sharing a bottle of wine. We grabbed the 3 seats available and my husband stood the whole time, eating standing up! All the while that one empty barstool to the right of the couple remained unoccupied. It would have been nice if the couple volunteered to move down one seat but they didn't and we didn't ask. I don't care for eating at counters or at bars because you're bound to run into all kinds of people including rude ones.

To answer the OP's question. Yes, the guy was rude. Yes, I would have moved down to accommodate his friend but as I said I wouldn't have asked someone to do the same for me.

[raven-blackbird]

I wouldn't have had a problem with moving down.....meal there or not........all it involves is moving your butt to the left or right about 3 feet............no biggie........................raven

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

On 3/9/2015 moonchilde said:

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

On 3/9/2015 scotttie said:

Perhaps the clod who insisted on her moving should have waited for a table.

Oh. Please.

I'm sure he was SHOCKED to have someone respond the way the OP did to a simple request (something that happens in crowded lunch counters and bars everywhere.)

Maybe the OP doesn't get out much and hasn't been to a crowded bar lately...and doesn't realize the etiquette of eating at a counter.

LM_O. But keep trying, y'all. It says a lot more about you than it does about me :-)

Yes, it sure does...

I for one am THANKFUL that there are so many that would err on the side of KINDNESS!

ETA- Mochachino- I read one of your responses earlier and thought it was GREAT! (has since been deleted)...

[Moonchilde]

On 3/9/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

On 3/9/2015 moonchilde said:

On 3/9/2015 terrier3 said:

On 3/9/2015 scotttie said:

Perhaps the clod who insisted on her moving should have waited for a table.

Oh. Please.

I'm sure he was SHOCKED to have someone respond the way the OP did to a simple request (something that happens in crowded lunch counters and bars everywhere.)

Maybe the OP doesn't get out much and hasn't been to a crowded bar lately...and doesn't realize the etiquette of eating at a counter.

LM_O. But keep trying, y'all. It says a lot more about you than it does about me :-)

Yes, it sure does...

I for one am THANKFUL that there are so many that would err on the side of KINDNESS!

ETA- Mochachino- I read one of your responses earlier and thought it was GREAT! (has since been deleted)...

"Maybe the OP doesn't get out much and hasn't been to a crowded bar lately...and doesn't realize the etiquette of eating at a counter."

Yes - so very kind.