Community Chat

[pommom]

I would wait for her to contact you with a date. If she contacts you saying she's still working on a date, simply reply with an "okay". And wait….

[Vamp]

I have a friend who is like that...She has good intentions, but she over-extends herself and can never meet all her commitments. I realized a long time ago that I wasn't going to change her, so I take her as she is and don't sweat it.

Since I enjoy her company and still like to get together with her, I wait for her to set a date and don't give it another thought until I am sitting across the table from her. Half the time, she needs to reschedule, but since my expectations of her making the original date are low, I expect it and don't feel hurt when it happens. I know it isn't personal; she is just horrible at managing her time.

In the mean time, I go about my life, go out with other friends, and don't pine for her.

On the other hand, if you don't enjoy your friend's company enough to put up with her idiosyncrasies, move on. Or just keep it casual and don't expect to get together with her very often.

You are not at her mercy; you get to choose how to proceed with the friendship. All the best to you

[violann]

I don't know why this scenario would hurt anyone's feelings. The important thing is to acknowledge to yourself that the friendship needs to have approximately the same energy on both sides. I have a very sincere friend who has three adult daughters, and I have 2 adult sons. Both of us are very busy with family- she travels a lot and I take college courses that mean a lot to me. I treasure the time we spend together and I know she does too, but we're not into making demands, because we "get" the situations we both have. If you feel that the friendship isn't worth it to you, let it die. If it is worth it to you, give her the responsibility of selecting a few dates that will work for her.

[qualitygal]

I'm thinking it's $$$$, maybe someone lost a job. Let her bounce the ball back to you when and if they're ready. The ball's in her court. After all those years, give her the benefit of the doubt.

[faeriemoon]

Since her last correspondence with you was that they'd like to wait until after Thanksgiving, I would respond with a, "Fine, let us know when you're ready." Then the ball is in her court, and you are not rude by not responding.

If you don't hear from her after Thanksgiving, I would not pursue getting together anymore.

[CouponQueen]

I would respond..Sounds like a plan..shoot me an email when the holidays are over and you want to get tother and leave it at that. Ball is in her court...you did all you could and it is what it is..don't stress another minute over it.

[Madisson]

I agree...throw the ball in her court and make her feel a little guilty. Send her an email saying, "Let us know when you can make time for us, because we're always happy to make time for you."

[VioletEyes]

You have done everything you can to try and keep in contact and keep the friendship going. It sounds like in a way she is trying to tell you that you are no longer important enough to her to be respectful and give you a date that you can meet up.

It is no reflection on you but it seems like you both have grown apart and the friendship doesn't mean the same to her.

I'd let it go and move on.

[blackhole99]

If you value her friendship even though she is controlling I would just let things ride, but if this really bothers you I would tell her and see how she responds. I know for myself as I get older and see precious time slipping away I'm not willing to put up with all the drama of relationships, so I've let friendships slide. I just feel if friends and relatives really want to get together they will and it won't be a hassle.

[ROMARY]

Lots of good suggestions. Only, one thing I know for sure, I wouldn't keep asking/emailing/whatever her........ Just let it go for now. As I said before, too much correspondence on your side just might work in reverse. ........... If you are uncontrollably compelled, maybe send her a New Year's card. 'See what happens'. In the meanwhile, please email your local Chamber of Commerce, obtain their list of events (a lot of events during the holiday season), and attend as many as possible with your husband, family, friends. Have something to talk about that you have accomplished when you do meet your friend in 2015. .......EDITED: Re: New Year's card: Oh, and please do not ask again about meeting with her. Just send the card with your name on it! That's it. Period. (And I'm not completely sure about sending the card in the first place. But, I have a feeling that you just might still want to contact her!)