Community Chat

[Mom2Dogs]

@CrazyDaisy...there is nothing wrong with posting things like the OP did on these boards...we all need to vent and need support at times...If you lead a life with no conflict, I applaud you.

edited to fix typo

[Big Joanie]

I know this situation .... my Mother who had  been a spoiled child

her whole life into adult hood ... made the last 10 years of my

grandmothers life miserable ....actually she did it to all of us ....

i know there are family dynamics and there are two sides ... but

why make an older person feel bad .. sad etc.

Fortunely or un-fortunetly I have no problem cutting people out of

my life that make me feel bad ....as someone else said ... make

your own family traditions .....

Good Luck ...

[Mom2Dogs]

@ID2...if you had a sister like mine a sit down would never work...it is never her fault..her way or the highway.....I lived it until I had to cut ties...people are not always reasonable.

[Big Joanie]

yea .. when i had to see my 84 year old grandmother cry because my

Mother .. her daughter had said something nasty to her ...that did it ....

My Mother .... if you didn't do what she wanted it was the silent

treatment for up to 2 weeks ....until she needed you for something ....

[Big Joanie]

Your sister sounds like my Mother reincarnated .....!!

[dex]

I still think if you don’t like her rules..do your own thing.Invite everyone and those who want will come..the rest are free to do what makes them happy.

[Still Raining]

I don’t think this about the dinner at all.

The bathroom remodel is ONLY between your mother and sister.  Just MYOB.  Both them should be told to NOT gossip to you about the other.  Not your fight.

if she is hosting dinner, then it is her call.  Shucks, I had explicit marching orders for Thanksgiving and I was happy to show up and enjoy.  As an added benefit all my dirties are in her dishwasher.

it is up to you to not try to control EITHER of them.  Withdraw with kindness.

[qualitygal]

Her behavior was not good.  She needs to apologize.  Sometimes if she's tending to your mom or she thinks she needs to step up to help your mom now, she may feel so responsible, she may want to be fully in charge.  She may be going overboard, and not realize it.  As an oldest child, where in our family I wore that crown, I just ask you to do the best you can.  Try not to be too hard on her, she may be going through her own maze in coming to terms with what and how she sees things.  Life is hard.  

No one has really written the guide book on all we have to go through in life.  Good luck in your journey.

[Patriot3]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@ID2...if you had a sister like mine a sit down would never work...it is never her fault..her way or the highway.....I lived it until I had to cut ties...people are not always reasonable.

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@Mom2Dogs  I have a sister like that.  I finally cut ties, too, and my life is much more peaceful.

[SahmIam]

@petepetey  What is your ultimate goal? Do you want to keep the relationship but understand these specific actions? Or, are you looking to truly step back from this individual?

As you and probably every person knows, her behavior is not new ("controlling sister" is in the header, so she has been this way for a long time). Her actions toward your mother, however...if it's new, then something may be going on in her life. If not, then why has the family (and your mom) not pushed back? Was this event the final straw?

The type of relationship you want with your sister is up to you. Not knowing the history makes it tough but I'll tell you this: if my sibling treated my dad this way and there was truly NO reason for it (family history, favoritism, etc), then there would be a BIG talk with that sibling in the kitchen that night. 

Hugs and good luck. : )