Community Chat

[minkbunny]

@CrazyKittyLvr2   The ability to say No thank you is a very powerful tool.  Avoid the drama and control your environment.

Wishing you well with your surgery and recovery 😉

[Katcat1]

@CrazyKittyLvr2  You need to call her and tell her it is not a good time for you.  If she insists just say no, I want to do it another time.  You have to be strong.  If she gets mad, she will get over it.  BTW, what is a TKR??

[Anonymous032819]

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@Katcat1 wrote:

@CrazyKittyLvr2  You need to call her and tell her it is not a good time for you.  If she insists just say no, I want to do it another time.  You have to be strong.  If she gets mad, she will get over it.  BTW, what is a TKR??

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@Katcat1 

TKR =

Total

Knee

Replacement

[riley1]

@CrazyKittyLvr2 - When I had my shoulder surgery, my sister decided she wanted to help me out. Now, my husband was home the day of and the next day so I was fine. She still insisted and I really had to put my foot down. She was a very dependent person, smoked and a wreck. I knew she would be in and out of my house to have a cigarette which would also get my dogs barking.

I just couldn't deal with her at that point in time and just had to tell her I had other arrangements.

You need to do what is right for you even if that means her feelings might get hurt. She will get over it.

Good Luck

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

She came up about 2 weeks or so after DH died.  I had 2 dr. appt. so she came up, stayed overnight and we did lunch between appts.

Oh geez, I went to get the cat fresh water, it was "I'll do that". if I went to get coffee I got the same thing, same thing.  I finally said "What do you think I do when nobody is here?".  "I do it myself."  

She is 2 and 1/2 yrs. younger but I swear she thinks no one is capable without her.

[newagain888888]

I have two sisters like this. While they appear to want to help, they’re much more of a burden than an asset. If they deem it so, I will be getting their “help” whether I want it or not. Not only is there inconvenience, expense, and additional stress for me, I usually end up taking care of them.

My late husband often pointed out how each sister always had to have the last word and the final say in every situation. They didn’t seem to notice or care that they were an extra burden. It took years before I could see that control was their need, not offering kindness. (Dr. Phil had a show on this. It really opened my eyes.) It creates tension,  frustation, and resentment when a person is dictating what another needs instead of listening with an open heart.

You could try re-directing her by making a list of what would actually be more of a help to you. Make up something if you have to. If that doesn’t work, you might need to be blunt to re-establish boundaries, even if it hurts feelings. I did this and though I felt some initial guilt, I came to see that it was the best thing for everyone.

[MalteseMomma]

My dear sister died of pancreatic cancer and I miss her terribly.

I sure wish she could come to vist me even if  I'm not feeling so good!

[Love my grandkids]

@Tinkrbl44 The OP's husband passed away.

[reiki604]

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@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

I am getting a TKR on 11/20.  It will be done on a Wed. and if all goes well I will be out Fri.or Sat.  My kids are both off the weekend when I get home. The next week DD has 4 days of at the end of the week. Plus DD has 2 and 1/2 months of days she can take.

The problem is my sister who is sick now with congestive heart failure said yesterday "I'm coming up (meaning the day after I get home)."  I love her dearly but she tends to take over.  She listens to no one else when it comes to her wishes and/or plans and I jokingly pointed that out.  She said "That's right, I'm coming up".

I told her the kids are available and it fell on deaf ears.  She is in no physically condition to "help" me.  I really do appreciate the offer and don't want to hurt her feelings but I would rather her wait until I'm up and around more. 

She is like a pitbull with a bone when she gets something in her head.

Any nice ideas to head her off or just give in?  She would give a stranger the shirt off her back if they needed it.

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If she won't take no for an answer, I'd ask her where she planned on staying since the kids would be taking care of me and staying over.

[shoesnbags]

@MalteseMomma
Your dear sister and OP’s sister are two very different people. OP’s sister is an overbearing person whose presence would not help her to heal.