Community Chat

[chrystaltree]

You just can't accept your husband for who he is, you want him to be something he cannot be. You want him to act like a woman. Men and women think differently. Women are more emotional, men are more logical. We feel, they think. You worry about the "what ifs", he's only interested in the "what is happening now". Right now, at this moment, you have nothing to be overly concerned about. So, he doesn't understand why you can't take comfort in that. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's not that he won't support and be there for you. He just isn't a "what if" type of person.

[qualitygal]

Just my guess, but I think when the husband's can't FIX OUR PROBLEM, if we don't mention it, it doesn't make them feel so helpless. Where we understand and behave one way, that's what they understand. It's not that they don't feel, it's just something they can't fix with a screwdriver or hammer, let's say. If they also fear a bad medical outcome, it scares them and they don't know how to handle that always either. Some guys do, some guys don't. Just my experience. Hope this helps a little.

[luvdoodles]

I am going through a similar issue right now. I have had a sore behind one of my tonsils for about three months now and a swollen gland. Kept hoping it would go away. I cancelled my appointment because at the time my MIL was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to her brain. She only had a few weeks to live and didn't want to put anymore pressure on my husband, so I never told him. She now has passed and things are settling down around here a little more. Saw the doctor this week. She ruled out strep and put me on Flonase. I can see a white patch. So hubby says to me, see you're fine, you were worried about nothing, as though "see I told ya so." Told him I am getting a second opinion. He thinks I'm crazy. I was missed diagnosed with BC for a year and a half, which resulted in needing chemo and radiation. It did not show on the mamo, finally on a ultrasound. He thought I was worrying about nothing back then before the diagnosis. Men don't like to deal with illness, especially a serious one. Go with your intuition, we know ourselves better than anyone. I just want peace of mind with my mouth. Just keep looking for another doctor, you need peace of mind also. I really do hope you find the root of your symptoms. My 2nd opinion is this week and I am not bringing him with me.

[BORN AGAIN]

Vivian, what your husband is doing is pretty normal. Men are stoic in general. Thats how they are hardwired, just like we are hardwired to be nurturing are caring. He cares alot about you. Be grateful that he is calm and stable. Your husband is doing everything right Vivian. My husband is like that too. Prayers to you that you feel better soon <3

[ROMARY]

Husbands/spouses may not want to further worry the other person. Better to be positive, not to worry, etc. I've seen/known people who immediately think and say the negative first. I'd prefer to think and say positive to another person. Chances are all will be well.