How do/did you guys deal with the inevitable?

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

This past weekend, we laid my uncle to rest after years with Parkinson's.

My mom (his sister) has been making comments in the past year or so about not being here much longer. I get the train of thought. She is about 5-7 years from when her parents and now sibling passed.

She keeps up with her doctor's appointments and just had her annuals and, apparently came through with flying colors so nothing is imminent.

She said yesterday she has a lot to get done before she dies in fixing up the house where I live so that it's saleable for us when she goes and she's been at it for two weeks now. It really hit me hard and I broke down a bit last night.

How do or did you guys handle actually being alone in the world without your mom or dad? I know it's coming at some point and everyone goes through it but the anxiety is really getting to me.

I am kind of in a unique position in that I never married or had kids so my whole world is going to change forever in literally every way from not having my home anymore to possibly having to leave my job so I can move elsewhere to losing touch with my sisters who have their own families.

Just wondering if you guys have any advice for preparing for "that day" or if you just have to put it out of your mind and deal the best you can with it when it happens?

ahoymate · ‎05-30-2010

Yes, these are tough issues and am sorry for your loss. Nice of your mom to think about you after she's gone.

Best to face things head on rather than surpressing which only leads to depression. Perhaps you can find solace in some type of belief.

LexaMom · ‎03-10-2010

Not sure if you can. I lost both parents 10-15 years ago, am single, and have felt very alone during this quarantine. In Colorado, those over 65 are asked to stay home as much as possible - still. My only advice is to spend some time thinking about what you will wish you had done and then do it before the opportunity is gone.

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

It has been my experience that regardless of how much one "plans" something unexpected happens. At least you have sisters. At some point, maybe moving close to one of them? In the meantime, I would save as much money as possible. Having sufficient income/funds is a great stress reducer!

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Dear Laura,

There's no way to prepare for the loss of one's parents, it's painful no matter what. But it is each of our responsibilities to do what we can for those who we presume will be following us.

We're keeping up our house, making repairs, downsizing, etc., for what's to come. No one gets out of this life alive.

It is upsetting, that comfort that a lot of people have while their parents are here, does leave a hole in our hearts. (I know, not all parents get on with their children).

Don't fret, cherish the moments you do have, make good memories. I think it's all part of the pattern of what goes on, in many homes.

That's just how I see it, make some sweet memories.

hopi · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
This past weekend, we laid my uncle to rest after years with Parkinson's.

My mom (his sister) has been making comments in the past year or so about not being here much longer. I get the train of thought. She is about 5-7 years from when her parents and now sibling passed.

She keeps up with her doctor's appointments and just had her annuals and, apparently came through with flying colors so nothing is imminent.

She said yesterday she has a lot to get done before she dies in fixing up the house where I live so that it's saleable for us when she goes and she's been at it for two weeks now. It really hit me hard and I broke down a bit last night.

How do or did you guys handle actually being alone in the world without your mom or dad? I know it's coming at some point and everyone goes through it but the anxiety is really getting to me.

I am kind of in a unique position in that I never married or had kids so my whole world is going to change forever in literally every way from not having my home anymore to possibly having to leave my job so I can move elsewhere to losing touch with my sisters who have their own families.

Just wondering if you guys have any advice for preparing for "that day" or if you just have to put it out of your mind and deal the best you can with it when it happens?

@Laura14 wrote:
This past weekend, we laid my uncle to rest after years with Parkinson's.

My mom (his sister) has been making comments in the past year or so about not being here much longer. I get the train of thought. She is about 5-7 years from when her parents and now sibling passed.

She keeps up with her doctor's appointments and just had her annuals and, apparently came through with flying colors so nothing is imminent.

She said yesterday she has a lot to get done before she dies in fixing up the house where I live so that it's saleable for us when she goes and she's been at it for two weeks now. It really hit me hard and I broke down a bit last night.

How do or did you guys handle actually being alone in the world without your mom or dad? I know it's coming at some point and everyone goes through it but the anxiety is really getting to me.

I am kind of in a unique position in that I never married or had kids so my whole world is going to change forever in literally every way from not having my home anymore to possibly having to leave my job so I can move elsewhere to losing touch with my sisters who have their own families.

Just wondering if you guys have any advice for preparing for "that day" or if you just have to put it out of your mind and deal the best you can with it when it happens?

Pray alot. Be strong, trust God. Everybody eventually ls alone. Nobody knows what their future brings. Try to make yourself sustainable.. Save, exercise and eat well.

grandkidsrgreat · ‎11-11-2010

Both of my parents have been gone several years now. Please don't dwell on what will come but try to enjoy them while you can. I never wanted to have any regrets so I spent a lot of time with them and helped them as much as I could in their last years. I am lucky and have kids and grandkids mostly nearby. My home is empty now except for me and my kitties but there were times when it was noisy and full of activity. I always try to live what life gives me at the time and enjoy each stage of life. I loved being a young wife and mother. I was divorced when my kids were still little and did my very best to be the best Mom I could be and give them beautiful memories. Now my home is very quiet and peaceful and I miss my younger years but am doing my best to also enjoy what I have now. Don't let worry about the future rob you of enjoying the present. Take care!

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

For me, "the inevitable" was that I would get my own apartment. My parents expected us to work at a job(s) that provided a 'living wage' and move out on our own after college. Marriage brought a mortgage payment for 15 years.

My parents taught me to start saving for my retirement in my 20's. I have had 401Ks at every employer, and set aside 5% of my weekly earnings in an interest-bearing retirement account at my bank. When I retired it was not such a financial shock to my lifestyle. I still live on a budget since you never know what the future has in store.

kare29 · ‎07-03-2018

Hi Laura14,

Both my parents are gone and have been for 20 years now. I am the youngest and only girl and had three older brothers. I am completely estranged from the oldest and do not want a reconciliation with him, lost my middle brother last year and my brother closest in age to me lives down the street so we are still close. I too did not have any children but I am married.

Try not to dwell on this but knowledge is also very important in these matters. Do you know what your Mom has in her will regarding the house and who will be named as executor/executrix and how the proceeds will be divided? I don't want to sound crass but at least you would know how to plan for these things and I think that would go a long way at putting your mind at ease.

Take care--Karen

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

There's an old Yiddish saying: "Man plans and G-d laughs." How one reacts to the loss of a parent or family is individual to them and nothing is right or wrong. We do the best we can and put one foot in front of lthe other as we move forward.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown