Community Chat

[Pearlee]

Something I read on another thread in another forum this evening is prompting this thread.  I'm a Baby Boomer, in my late 60s.  I have only had one friend/contemporary pass away recently and it was my very best friend from college, with whom I've been friends since 1970.  

Her death (from the effects of being a chain smoker) affected me this way:   whenever I feel decrepit, that is, whenever my arthritis and back aches and pains start me complaining to myself or feeling sorry for myself, I immediately think of my dear best friend, who isn't here with us any more, and I stop complaining.  I think "it could be much worse; at least I'm still here."  Then I go and take my meds for arthritis/back pain which I usually don't resort to unless absolutely necessary.  

How as a friend's/contemporary's death affected you / changed your behavior?

[Ladylaughsalot]

I lost my dearest friend five years ago. She was only 56 years old.  She had suffered for years with recurring tumors on her brain. I, like you, try not to complain. Yes, I get the occasional aches and pains, and I suffer with vertigo, but I am in good health otherwise. Her death reminds me to take each day as a gift. I miss her dearly and always will.

[shoesnbags]

@Pearlee 

 I lost a close friend from college to colon cancer when we were both in our late 30s. None of the doctors had considered that diagnosis because she was so young. By the time they realized what the problem was, it had already spread to her liver and she died in spite of treatment. 

i vowed that I would start getting colonoscopies when I turned 50.  That first  one found a polyp that was removed.  I’ve continued to get colonoscopies every 5 years since then, even though I absolutely hate them.  

[SilleeMee]

Their deaths don't affect me...I miss them but that's all. I don't compare myself with anyone, especially the dead. I worked in the morgue and with pathologists. I look at death from a medical pov.

[cherry]

I miss her like my breath. She was a mentor  to me. There isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think of  her

She was so wise and so kind. She was just the type of person that instinctively knew what to say, and how to say it

She was fun and , and we laughed so much. I will miss her until I draw my last breath

[blueroses47]

I am turning 72 this month.  Five years ago this summer, and three years ago this summer I lost two very, very close long time girlfriends.  The first died very unexpectedly, and the second had leukemia and fought the disease for two years.  They were both born the same year as I.

Those deaths affected me very strongly. 

Like you, when I start feeling sorry about some aging thing or health thing, I think of them.  And I think how they would have gladly put up with whatever my ailment is at the moment, in order to still be in this world.

Usually it makes me grateful to be alive.  Once in a great while, I wonder if in a way they are fortunate not to have to worry anymore about the fears of aging, but that's only if I am feeling very, very down.

I miss them both so much, and miss sharing my feelings with them.

[blackhole99]

Unfortunately, I have had many friends from high school and women I worked with die young. One woman I worked with died a year after she retired at 66 and that affected me most. This woman worked so hard her whole life and finally got the change to relax and she dies unexpectedly. I have not kept in touch with college acquaintances, because that's all they were. I try to live a day at a time, I have medical issues of my own that could put me 6ft under without much warning.

[dooBdoo]

                My friend took her own life, ​and I've been trying to deal with that grief and all the broken pieces​ since then​.     She was a beautiful jewel, ​with an inner glow, a sparkling sprite filled with exuberance and an incredible capacity to see beauty all around and to touch and comfort hearts and spirits, especially when they (we) were sad or in pain.    Yet she couldn't do the same for herself.   

                She was a gifted special-education teacher​ who devoted herself to her students​​ -- and ​they adored her, but she ​had to retire early because the stress was too much to bear along with her mental and physi​cal health problems.    A bright light, a beacon, a magnificent​ and brilliant​ star who gave love and joy and inspiration and motivation to others  -- there are some people who can enter a room and bring sunshine in...  she did that.    But she couldn't find it for herself.    She was brave, valiant, and fought unspeakable demons for years...  probably longer than most people could have done.    I do understand, but I also wish I could have kept her here.   I miss her and the world is less brilliant, has less magic without her.
                ​It changed me in ways hard to explain...   it intensified the knowledge and determination that those of us who love her must be grateful for her presence all these years.  ​ ​​We also must do all that we can to let every precious soul in our lives know how grateful for them we are. ​  And we must carry forward that magic that she brought to all who knew her.​   

                We are part of her legacy, we are the keepers of her story, and so it is with all those we love who have passed on from this earth.    The other change, and difficult to write about...   I have survived suicide attempts, myself, and it's been hard to hold on to that survival.   However...  the act of letting go of my friend, releasing her, and feeling a responsibility to carry forward her light and her life, to try and see and to drink up, to feel and to embrace all of the good things in life, especially the simple pleasures and the chances we have to be that smile or gentle touch someone else really needs exactly at that moment...   I think that has strengthened my resolve to keep my feet more firmly planted here on solid ground until my higher power decides it's time to move on.    She was my spirit teacher, and I am forever changed.    Thank you, dearest "J", for that gift of grace.    You will be eternally remembered, eternally loved.

[lynnie61]

I lost two very good friends one at 51 from a 12 year cancer battle and one unexpectedly at 56. The were two very funny, caring wonderful friends from work but more than just work friends. I try to be more grateful every day.  I know for certain I now value every waking day.  I miss them both terribly.  

[NicksmomESQ]

   Ten years ago I lost my BFF. She was 52 years old. We were friends for over 40 years.We had just hung up after speaking on the phone. She told her daughter she was going to lay down because she didn’t feel well.She never got up!! She had a massive heart attack!!

   I ache for her everyday.She was like a sister to me. Since her passing 2 of her daughters married & had babies. She would have been the best Grandma!! I speak to her girls often & we encourage eachother to be strong & share memories.

   What’s really painful is that my friend was her mom’s caregiver.She has Alzheimer’s.When my friend passed her mom had no clue. She is still alive at 92 years old & still has no clue.