Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Inte... - Page 5

eadu4 · ‎06-14-2011

@JeanLouiseFinch just because I've been there I'll offer another possibility. Neither my first husband or my 2nd ever listened. Sometimes I catch myself interrupting and I do not mean to, I don't, but after years of no one listening I'm just over compensating to be heard. I hate when I do it, I always apologize but it's hard. You say she was in a terrible relationship maybe like me no one listened and she feels she now had to jump in to be sure she's heard. And no not all of us had wonderful spouses. I wish I had. I might not feel so left out that I have to over compensate sometimes. Bad relationships leave scars and sometimes behavior/response habits and issues.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

@HisElk1 wrote:
@Effie54 wrote:
I heard Dr. Laura's radio program last week while driving and a caller had a similar situation. Dr. Laura was pretty adamant about the fact that some people are clueless, selfish, and just don't know how to be a friend. She may be very nice, but it is difficult to be around a chronic complainer who monopolize the conversation. Dr. Laura's advice was to pretty much eliminate her from the group. Emotional victims always make the conversations about them. It's exhausting to be around, especially when you ladies are trying to enjoy lunch. You can call her out on her interrupting, but I doubt it will stop her. People like that have been talk-aholics their entire life.
@Effie54 , I've been down that road a few times during my life. I had a "once was a close friend" that shared an apartment with me. This was back in the 80's. Everything was always about her; the only good thing was that she split the bills in half each month. If we went out to a bar for a few drinks, she was the one who always picked up the guys. She said she was "loquacious" and that was the perfect definition of her.

I am friends with her on facebook, she lives about an hour's drive from me. A few years ago, we invited her and husband down for a get together. Went out and bought all of the food and at the last minute, her husband calls to say she wasn't feeling well. Ok, fine. We rescheduled it again and well, you guessed it - another call to cancel. That was it for me.

In reading her facebook page, it's still the same; it's all about her and her problems. She types everything going on in her life and wants sympathy. It also includes trying to find a woman for each of her sons who are in their 30's. It's pathetic. We no longer talk as I just don't want to tie up time for all of it. Sometimes, we have to 'cut the strings' as they say.

Absolutely agreed! Some people are narcissistic, and that's the way they are. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That must have been very frustrating for you. I have a friend who I've known for 50 years, and she did the same thing to me that happened to you. It was cancellations at the last minute, I was always accommodating her, she was always miserable, and everything revolved around her. To me it was exhausting and unrewarding. It's also inequitable. I don't blame you for just stepping away. I did the same thing. People like that are just clueless. And they wonder why they're lonely. Because they've alienated everyone around them!

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

@Desert Lily wrote:
@QVCkitty1 Ostracizing is a form of bullying. Kids are taught that in school. I don't think that ostracizing a lonely person would do anything except hurt her. I think it's a terrible & cruel thing to do.

There for the grace go all of us.

@Desert Lily , Who said she should be ostracized ? I feel for this lady, but if she continues to monopolize conversations she may find herself excluded from get togethers , and how does that help her ?

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@Effie54

She isn't the one canceling, her husband is and using her as the reason. More likely, he's controlling and isolating her. A friend would double her effort, not abandon her.

Desert Lily · ‎06-24-2011

@QVCkitty1 Effie54 had advised ostracizing the lonely woman, "eliminate her from the the group" for talking too much. Effie54 made reference to a radio personality who she said advises it.

Ostracizing would be cruelty to the lonely woman.

Desert Lily · ‎06-24-2011

@Effie54 The OP stated that her "friend" has been alone since her divorce and has discussed her loneliness. It's in the original post; that's how I know the woman is lonely.

The advice from a radio personality is awful and would serve only to cause the woman more pain.

My view of such cruelty isn't going to change.

nyc1 · ‎03-19-2010

I have a friend who does that , but we are typically alone and she lives by herself, so I let her talk as much as she likes.
If you are comfortable, you may want to gently say, I DEFINITELY WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, BUT PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY THOUGHT.

She may appreciate that you are telling her you want her to add her comments and contribute as well. This would be a kind way of pointing out that you are not done. If it doesn't stop after that, you probably need to let her continue.
Good luck and congratulations on your long and wonderful friendships.

spent2much · ‎03-10-2010

@GenXmuse wrote:
I've told interrupters "Let me finish this thought real quick otherwise I'll forget what I wanted to say," to just put it on myself and not an outright rebuke.

If I took the time to use that phrase with her, I'd forget what I was going to say!!!!!!! (I WISH I were kidding!) {*_*}

ETERNITY: your choice... smoking or non smoking!