How Do You Handle Young Adult Children Living at H... - Page 5

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Our 2 adult daughters still live at home, but totally pay their own way. Our teacher daughter is quite involved in school activities, so 14+ hour days are the norm for her, and she essentially just sleeps, and stores her stuff here. Our other daughter drives a tractor trailer and makes runs to the west coast each week, so she is away 5-7 days at a time. Again, this is where she stores her stuff and has her mail delivered. The girls clean their own rooms, do their own laundry, and even buy the majority of their food. It is very rare for all 4 of us to be home together, but on those occasions, I do make an effort to cook a nice meal. We do not make them pay any rent; just take care of their needs and their pets needs.

LucyGoose · ‎04-20-2012

I don't know if my step-son wants to live with us forever. Its just strange to me. He only has morning college classes, always home by 12:30 in the afternoon, and goes straight back to his bedroom and literally stays there until the next morning when its time to go back to class. ${#emotions_dlg.bored}$

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

Maybe your stepson is a homebody.

LucyGoose · ‎04-20-2012

On 4/2/2015 YorkieonmyPillow said:
Maybe your stepson is a homebody.

Maybe, but it's starting to seem more extreme than just that. It can't be healthy to hull up in your bedroom for almost two years and not take anyone's suggestions on going fishing.... getting out in the yard.... not even taking a part time job at the age of 20...... now he's growing his hair all long and stringy and has a full face beard.... like he doesn't groom himself at all.... I don't know.... maybe I'm making something out of nothing.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Unless you and your husband have plenty of money for your retirement, I would never allow them to live at home and not pay rent. This has become a real problem in our society.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/2/2015 Marienkaefer2 said: All I can say is this: This situation would NEVER have happened at our house. A 25 year old who.is gainfully employed and living at home for free? Let me say this: When I graduated high school, I attended university and lived at home and commuted one hour each direction. I took a full load of classes, and I worked about 30 hours a week. I lived at home to save money so.I could go to.Europe in the summers and take classes there, doing summer study programs. Because I was working and going to school, my parents provided me with three squares and a rack, as they say. BUT I paid them rent. It wasn't a lot...it was commensurate with.what I could afford. I WANTED to contribute because I was an adult and not a child anymore. Also, I was grateful to my.parents for giving me the benefits of living at home during this time. What is wring with your ADULT children, that they have "discretionary income," yet feel they can mooch off you?

Your attitude is harsh as it seems your parents were. A family home isn't a boarding house where members are treated as tenants. Home should be where you are always welcome and not charged a cover fee when you enter the door.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/2/2015 LucyGoose said:
On 4/2/2015 YorkieonmyPillow said:
Maybe your stepson is a homebody.

Maybe, but it's starting to seem more extreme than just that. It can't be healthy to hull up in your bedroom for almost two years and not take anyone's suggestions on going fishing.... getting out in the yard.... not even taking a part time job at the age of 20...... now he's growing his hair all long and stringy and has a full face beard.... like he doesn't groom himself at all.... I don't know.... maybe I'm making something out of nothing.

It seems you would prefer he wasn't in your home and he surely knows it and is staying out of your way trying to be invisible. You are missing out on an opportunity.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 4/2/2015 RetRN said:
Unless you and your husband have plenty of money for your retirement, I would never allow them to live at home and not pay rent. This has become a real problem in our society.

It doesn't seem to be a real problem for the OP.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

On 4/2/2015 LucyGoose said:
On 4/2/2015 YorkieonmyPillow said:
Maybe your stepson is a homebody.

Maybe, but it's starting to seem more extreme than just that. It can't be healthy to hull up in your bedroom for almost two years and not take anyone's suggestions on going fishing.... getting out in the yard.... not even taking a part time job at the age of 20...... now he's growing his hair all long and stringy and has a full face beard.... like he doesn't groom himself at all.... I don't know.... maybe I'm making something out of nothing.

He sounds seriously depressed:/

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I haven't read all replies yet, but here is my philosophy on the topic.

Any child that has graduated and working, whether it is after college, grad school, or even those that finished high school, but have no plans to continue education, must pay to live in my home. It is time for the real world, and you will be doing them no favors to let them live for free.

If they are paying on student loans, then you can take each case individually, and see, based on what they are earning, and what responsibilities they are dealing with leftover from school, to determine just how much they pay.

At a very minimum, they should be paying for, maintaining, and fueling, and insuring their own cars. They should be paying for their own phone. They should be clothing themselves, and paying for any electronic toys they have or want. This, in addition to rent and food, will be their reality when they leave your home, and if they can't pay for those few things, while you cover the food and 'rent' as they are living in your home, then they need to get more jobs, or better jobs to be able to do so. Set a certain number of months after graduation by which those few things are their total responsibility.

Once those things are under control (and I wouldn't give it more than a 6 month window for that to happen in most cases), you should add some sort of a rent payment, or they take over a bill from the household (like they pay the electric, or they pay the cable, or something similar).

At all times, they share the household work, however you wish to divide that up. They need to be contributing to the everyday stuff that needs done. The laundry, cleaning, dishes, yard work etc. Everyone in the house must contribute.

The bottom line is it is your home, and your rules. It shouldn't be so comfortable that they want to say forever. Some may need motivation to move on, and that will most likely come with an increased cost and responsibility level at home.

Your next responsibility is to get yourselves ready for retirement, and that has to become your economic focus, not letting capable adults live free at home, at your future's expense.