Community Chat

[blackhole99]

Our son lived with us for about a year after high school and for 2 years after he got out of the Army. He always paid room and board and cleaned up after himself and always cleared it with us before he entertained friends. We didn't need the money, but I insisted he pay room and board to instill in him, that you can't live free any where. It taught him to budget his money so he could meet his obligations.

[Irshgrl31201]

I am a little confused by one of the things you asked regarding splitting of bills (cellphone, car and insurance). Were you speaking of yours or theirs? I would not be paying any of the bills of theirs if they are working. Even if they weren't, I would never pay a cell phone bills or other stuff like that. As for rent, that is completely up to you. If you can afford that, that is one thing but I would make sure they pay for any increases on any of the utility bills and definitely their own food. Even if you can afford these things, you are still saving them a lot of money living rent free or for a small amount of rent. Plus, they need to know now how to budget money, I would let them get started ASAP so it isn't a shock. My daughter started living with a flat mate when she was 18. She worked and went to school and I did help out when she needed it. I could have paid her all of her living expenses but I have seen that done before and I personally have never seen a good outcome with that. My daughter is now 25 (almost 26) and she has lived without any help for almost 4 yrs.

I have a philosophy that I once heard an older wealthy lady say. When someone asked why she didn't pay all of kids bills she said why in the world would I do that? She said my financial independence and the struggle getting there is one of the things I am most proud about and one of my biggest accomplishments, why would I take that same pride away from my children by giving them everything?

[kdgn]

I have a friend whose adult son lives with them. He has a full time job. He pays for his car, cell, insurance and approximately what he would pay in rent for a one bedroom apartment. In turn they provide the meals, cable, internet; she does his laundry, cleans his room. They figure this way, when he's ready to move out on his own, he will already be used to paying the major bill: rent. He's finding that it's not as easy to save money but he's also learned how to budget. He makes a good salary too.

For now he lives at home because he works long hours and it's more convenient for him. He does help with yard work.

[EastCoastViewer]

On 4/1/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

I am a little confused by one of the things you asked regarding splitting of bills (cellphone, car and insurance). Were you speaking of yours or theirs? I would not be paying any of the bills of theirs if they are working. Even if they weren't, I would never pay a cell phone bills or other stuff like that. As for rent, that is completely up to you. If you can afford that, that is one thing but I would make sure they pay for any increases on any of the utility bills and definitely their own food. Even if you can afford these things, you are still saving them a lot of money living rent free or for a small amount of rent. Plus, they need to know now how to budget money, I would let them get started ASAP so it isn't a shock. My daughter started living with a flat mate when she was 18. She worked and went to school and I did help out when she needed it. I could have paid her all of her living expenses but I have seen that done before and I personally have never seen a good outcome with that. My daughter is now 25 (almost 26) and she has lived without any help for almost 4 yrs.

I have a philosophy that I once heard an older wealthy lady say. When someone asked why she didn't pay all of kids bills she said why in the world would I do that? She said my financial independence and the struggle getting there is one of the things I am most proud about and one of my biggest accomplishments, why would I take that same pride away from my children by giving them everything?

Good feedback. My children pay for their own clothes and gadgets and my daughter took over her $150 car payment when she graduated from undergrad and worked and attended grad school so she has experience paying bills with her student loans and car payment, which is now paid off. My other child has paid his tuition to local college on his own and his clothing so he has experience paying those bills. His car broke down once and he found someone to fix it and paid to have it fixed which cost over $800. So they are paving the way for themselves.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 4/1/2015 EastCoastViewer said:

On 4/1/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

I am a little confused by one of the things you asked regarding splitting of bills (cellphone, car and insurance). Were you speaking of yours or theirs? I would not be paying any of the bills of theirs if they are working. Even if they weren't, I would never pay a cell phone bills or other stuff like that. As for rent, that is completely up to you. If you can afford that, that is one thing but I would make sure they pay for any increases on any of the utility bills and definitely their own food. Even if you can afford these things, you are still saving them a lot of money living rent free or for a small amount of rent. Plus, they need to know now how to budget money, I would let them get started ASAP so it isn't a shock. My daughter started living with a flat mate when she was 18. She worked and went to school and I did help out when she needed it. I could have paid her all of her living expenses but I have seen that done before and I personally have never seen a good outcome with that. My daughter is now 25 (almost 26) and she has lived without any help for almost 4 yrs.

I have a philosophy that I once heard an older wealthy lady say. When someone asked why she didn't pay all of kids bills she said why in the world would I do that? She said my financial independence and the struggle getting there is one of the things I am most proud about and one of my biggest accomplishments, why would I take that same pride away from my children by giving them everything?

Good feedback. My children pay for their own clothes and gadgets and my daughter took over her $150 car payment when she graduated from undergrad and worked and attended grad school so she has experience paying bills with her student loans and car payment, which is now paid off. My other child has paid his tuition to local college on his own and his clothing so he has experience paying those bills. His car broke down once and he found someone to fix it and paid to have it fixed which cost over $800. So they are paving the way for themselves.

I think that is good then. I realize student loans and bills in general aren't the same as they were when I was in my 20s. I think there is nothing wrong with helping out when you know they will be short as long as they are contributing and it sounds as though your kids definitely are.

[EastCoastViewer]

On 4/1/2015 kdgn said:

I have a friend whose adult son lives with them. He has a full time job. He pays for his car, cell, insurance and approximately what he would pay in rent for a one bedroom apartment. In turn they provide the meals, cable, internet; she does his laundry, cleans his room. They figure this way, when he's ready to move out on his own, he will already be used to paying the major bill: rent. He's finding that it's not as easy to save money but he's also learned how to budget. He makes a good salary too.

For now he lives at home because he works long hours and it's more convenient for him. He does help with yard work.

Thanks for feedback. The shared responsibility is a good approach. I explained in my response to Irshgrl131201 how my children have paid their own bills in the past and pay for their personal items. I am glad I started this thread because it's reminded me of how my children have paid for things in the past and how they do pay for their personal things and I think they will be okay with handling things on their own in the future.

I think putting them in a position to save the most amount of money is a good thing for right now. Thank you.

[Big Sister]

I think they should pay you rent. I began contributing to the household when I was 15-16 and earning $.85 cents an hour.

[Sushismom]

How each family handles adult children living at home is their own business and no one else's. If you're comfortable with the current arrangements, fine.

My nephew came back to live with me as an adult. He had been out of work for a while and was just starting a new job. I didn't charge him rent. He did buy his own food. Did his own laundry. Paid his own bills. And his chore was taking out the garbage. While his room wasn't as clean as I would have liked, I just asked him to keep the door closed. I did, though, expect him to keep the bathroom tidy. This continued for 5 years and then he moved.

[Shorty2U]

My children were out of the house and of course working by the ages you posted. My daughter was married by then. (Son is still single) They both worked since they were 16 yrs old and saved their money. My daughter and son in law have a home I like better than our home..lol. My son also lives on his own. Both kids live in the suburbs after having been raised in the city. (They did not go to college).

But Id say if you can afford it then let them live there for free. Lots of people cant afford it and charge their grown kids. All depends on the situation. I don't judge. Its your business. But I do think they should take care of their rooms and help do some things around the house whether they are that age or minors.

[Snowpuppy]

It's true that this is far more common than people acknowledge.

My own DS moved home after college graduation. Tho he graduated with honors it still took him 16 months to find a job. He didn't pay rent at that time but he did help with chores, errands, etc. He spent most of his days looking for work. When he finally found work he paid very little to stay with me. I wanted it that way so he could save enough $ to get out on his own.

That said we have several friends whose adult children are living at home, college grads with decent paying jobs. And yes they all have steep student loans. They pay rent and other expenses while trying to make a dent in those loans and saving some $ for the rainy day when they may be unemployed.

It seems we are all of the same mindset. As long as they are respectful, pick up after themselves, aren't accumulating consumer debt like cars, cc's, they can pay minimal rent and other expenses.

Seems they would be better off paying you rent that you can stash as you choose rather than paying $$ to rent an apt.