Community Chat

[kaydee50]

@petepetey  When he shuts the door, go and open it.  Have a heart to heart with him and tell him what you expect.  However, he won't do things exactly your way so be patient.  Retirement is a big adjustment for all concerned.  But do not let him sit around while you do all the work  

[petepetey]

Yes Sea Maiden---you get this!  

We have discussed this issue many times, he forgets,,,,,yeah right

No one has to ask me to do what is required to live life, have food, a clean house etc. 

Why would he need to be asked when he knows that we have talked about it. 

[Porcelain]

I don't understand why it's so important that he suffer the loud noise of the vacuum along with you. If he brought in a chainsaw and started cutting firewood in the livingroom or something, would you like it if he got mad that you left the room and wanted to keep the door shut? Let him shut the door.

If you think about it from his perspective, he's just minding his business and all of a sudden you choose to start vacuuming and making a racket. Maybe he's reading. You did not ask him if it was a good time for him to listen to the vacuum roar with you. You did it when it made sense to you without consulting his schedule. So it's natural that he would want to shut that out. I would drop that particular wish if I were you. Or...you could set up mutually agreeable vacuum listening sessions...

[sunshine45]

i always hated when my husband tried to help.......it always created MORE work for me, especially when it came to doing things in the kitchen or preparing for an event or party.

[Carmie]

Petepeteyy  Many people who are used to having a clean home, take it for granted and do not see the everyday dirt that drives others crazy.

I have a female friend who does very little in her house to clean.  Her husband does most of it, but he is not very good at it.  He vacuums and dusts, but no one wipes down the dirty white woodwork or cleans the foggy mirrors.  It drives me crazy.

When they go on vacation, I get the key to go over and feed their cats.  While I am there, I wipe down the dirty inside doors and woodwork and clean the mirrors and wipe fingerprints off of the walls.  When they come back, I guess they don't notice.  They have never said anything to me about it.

Not everyone is wired the same, I guess.  Your DH probably doesn't even notice that something needs to be done.

[PinkyPetunia]

@petepetey    Your husband forgets chores because they are not important to him like they are to you.  It has to be spelled out to him.  You may have to repeat umpteen times as he is used to you handling things.

Try to be calm and rational.  Getting angry doesn't help and distances him as he will be defensive.  No couple's relationship is perfect. 

[SeaMaiden]

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@petepetey wrote:

Yes Sea Maiden---you get this!  

We have discussed this issue many times, he forgets,,,,,yeah right

No one has to ask me to do what is required to live life, have food, a clean house etc. 

Why would he need to be asked when he knows that we have talked about it. 

---

@petepetey   One thing that did work for me was assigning a day to clean his bathroom. Toilet, sink and counters. It is his FRIDAY chore.  He does it without my asking.  I think asking them to do something a certain time of the week.... works better for Men than just doing things because they need cleaning etc.  Try that with your hubby. 

 Now mind you... that is the only thing he does with out having to ask him WOULD HE do this or that... so am planing to build on this day of the week thing. Give him another chore to do say on Tuesday.. and on from there.

[KingstonsMom]

@petepetey 

Leaving the loaf of bread on the floor and actually asking you if you meant for it to be there is just ludicrous!

He can't be that stupid! He was probably being sarcastic, but regardless, he didn't just pick it up

I agree with other posters, if he's gonna play 'dumb', give him a written list.

Daily, if you have to.

[stevieb]

I get the desire for more help... I get the frustration over not picking up the bread on the floor... I don't get the angst over shutting the door when the vaccum is being run... It is noisy and I'd probably do the same thing were it someone else running the vaccum... If he'll help when asked then why not ask him...

[Porcelain]

In most circumstances the person who cares more or wants it more--has to do the asking. You care more about cleaning so you have to be the one to do the asking. Whether or not he should care more, doesn't make any difference. If that were so, he would be a different person and you two might not have even been attracted to each other to begin with.