Community Chat

[RedTop]

@panda1234 

My husbands forced family gatherings were not fun after my FIL passed.  20 people were pretty much wall to wall in the 3 main areas of the house, only 1 bathroom, and no outside area to get away from the drama inside.

By that time, the 8 "good" grandchildren were in high school or college, and not at all interested in an appearance at Grandma's, or being around the 3 PIA young, wild grandchildren who were holy terrors.  

My husband attempted to have several conversations with his mother to consider doing something different, and she would not consider doing anything else, even when the older grands stopped attending.  

The first thing everyone notices in the pictures from those Christmases is the facial expressions captured in the random photos compared to the posed photos!   

[AuntG]

The "grande dame" really held you guys hostage @RedTop . How could she not realize how miserable everyone was? Actually, I know a lady who (prior to the Covid years) demanded her kids and grandkids drive out to her farmhouse on Christmas Eve. They were juggling church and other family obligations, but couldn't get her to budge. Worse yet, she made them bring all the food! When I said something about her letting them host from their own homes, she was offended because "Christmas Eve is always at my house".

[RedTop]

@AuntG 

Yes, she certainly did, and that's exactly how it felt!   At least I was able to use work as my absence.  When I worked 11-7 Christmas Eve and had to work the same Christmas night, I did not attend, since she expected us to be there from 4-9.  When I worked Christmas Eve and stayed up all day, we left between 6:30 and 7.  

After my MIL passed, we learned thru 2 of her sisters about phone conversations with her after the holiday; she took bragging rights every year for having the most people in her house on Christmas Day!  We ate a ton of food; left her with only a turkey carcass and a ham bone, etc.  

[Jacie]

You do you at the holidays! Whatever is comfortable or even not at all!

My family will be scattered this year so we will be a rag tag group of friends in the same boat! As I have posted before, my Mom always had a table full of people that weren't always family. Friends who did not cook, college kids who couldn't go home, anyone was welcome at our table. My memories of those mixed groups are priceless! 

Sometimes it's not about who can't make it to the holidays, but about those who can, even though they aren't family, it's about the celebration and sharing! AND there is much to be thankful and grateful for even in the toughest of times.

[Enufstuff]

@RedTop   You cracked me up! "We ate a ton of food; left her with only a turkey carcass and a ham bone, etc."

    That just struck me as too funny. Did she make soup with her

"leftovers"?

[Cakers3]

@bargainsgirl   Downsizing is good.  You do you and make your holiday what you want it to be.  There is no right or wrong.

Happy Birthday!

[beach-mom]

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@Jacie wrote:

You do you at the holidays! Whatever is comfortable or even not at all!

My family will be scattered this year so we will be a rag tag group of friends in the same boat! As I have posted before, my Mom always had a table full of people that weren't always family. Friends who did not cook, college kids who couldn't go home, anyone was welcome at our table. My memories of those mixed groups are priceless! 

Sometimes it's not about who can't make it to the holidays, but about those who can, even though they aren't family, it's about the celebration and sharing! AND there is much to be thankful and grateful for even in the toughest of times.

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@Jacie - What a sweet post! You have captured what it is all about.

Growing up, I was never around family. They were too far away. I remember just a few times we made the trip to my aunt's. My mom worked at a large hospital. Thanksgiving was in the dining hall there, sitting with strangers, and we always had a good time!   

[Sooner]

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@sweetee2 wrote:

You read my mind. I'm 67 and I've been thinking this for a few years now. We have all the Holidays here. I cook all the meals, all the decor,  setting the table with China and all that intel's. Buy all the Christmas gifts for 9 people. Just talking about it makes me tired, BUT they throughly enjoy it. Food is wounderful, big smiles by all, 9 pies for Thanksgiving.  Everyone gathered around the table wondering which pie to try. Everyone  gathered in the frontroom opening Christmas gifts laughing eating Quiche and Jimmy the Baker cinnamon rolls. Life couldn't get much better. It's  all about making memories  because once were gone were gone.

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@sweetee2 It's wonderful but time to pass the torch.  If you don't it probably will pass with you.  Ask that someone else host and go as the delighted guest--and bring your special dish is you want, maybe a book or cards on it with your recipes for everyone.

You could also offer your house and a baked dish maybe, and everyone else brings food and cleans up.   Certainly neither are unreasonable and it's your turn to be the honored guest!  Have fun!!!!!  

Play it up as letting them have the fun this year--don't act sad!  Sell the idea!! Talk about how you are looking forward to the change,be deighted, can't wait to come, etc. !  

[panda1234]

@RedTop So, what do you do now for the holidays? Are you still working?

[Imaoldhippie]

I have been burned out on all holidays for years.  I detest the commerical side of Christmas that starts in July and is shoved down our throats until we gag to death.