Community Chat

[151949]

On 1/19/2015 YorkieonmyPillow said:

On 1/19/2015 happy housewife said:

I have an 89 year old relative who is not at all senile but she talks all the time about all the people who she feels have wronged her in her life. I tried to discuss forgiveness with her but she says that is for people who are weak. OK then. She carries all this hatred around with her all the time. And in any given conversation she is happy to regale you with her opinion of all the ways you may have wronged her. She has become a very lonely woman who no one wants around.She sits alone in her house keeping herself company remembering her hatred.

That's the way my neighbor is. Her adult children hardly ever come to see her. (But she's not 80 - she's my age).

She has been this way for the entire 30 years I have known her. We are the only ones who spend any time with her and that is because my DH feels he is doing it for her late husband who was very close to my DH when my DH was a child.

[Mominohio]

On 1/17/2015 reiki604 said: I don't hold grudges but I don't forget either. I believe when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them.

So very right.

I don't hold a grudge, I can forgive, but forgiveness requires the offender to first be sorry, and then to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then forgiveness can be given.

But forgiveness has no component of "forgetting" that is a whole other thing. If someone wishes to forget, it may seem noble but I think it is foolish. Forgetting can lead you to fall victim to the same scenarios over and over.

[AngelPuppy1]

I think it is hard at times to both forgive and forget. And some people just refuse to even try. I have read a lot of times where it says that when you forgive and forget, it releases you from your bondage. If you don't, then you are carrying that load around with you and you are the one who suffers the most. Eventually, that load gets heavier and heavier to carry. I admit that there are somethings I have forgiven, but they are still somewhere inside me. I try not to dwell on them and I try to move forward. The longer you refuse to forgive, the stronger that hold is on you. After awhile, I think it is pride that makes people hold on to these things. Really, it does make you the bigger person, although that at times is really hard to accept.

[VioletEyes]

One needs only to read the Jane Fonda thread to get the real answer to this topic..

[Vamp]

I don't hold grudges, but at the same time, people who create drama and problems are kept at arm's length. Sometimes you can't control people who are in your life (co-workers, neighbors, family, for example) but you can control how crazy you allow them to make you. I try to let the nonsense roll off my back. It's not always easy to do, but it's not my nature to hold onto grudges forever.

[dooBdoo]

On 1/18/2015 jubilant said:

On 1/18/2015 dooBdoo said:

On 1/18/2015 Smaug said:

On 1/18/2015 jubilant said:

I read something many years ago that helped put forgiveness more in perspective for me. I have referred to it often over the years. It kind of paints a picture.

"Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. A forgiving heart opens the door to any who knock. But entry into the home (that is, the heart) does not occur until the muddy shoes and dirty coat have been taken off. The offender must repent if true intimacy and reconciliation is ever to take place.<br /> That means that cheap forgiveness - peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion--- is not true forgiveness".

I like this. Certainly food for thought. Thanks for sharing it.

I agree, Gato. This is a great, thought-provoking philosophy.

Thanks, jubilant! This is another of your quotes I'm going to save and share!

You're welcome, dooBdoo. This quote came into my life when I really needed it. It helped me so much. Anyone you can pass it on to..... that it might help.... would make me most happy.

Isn't it miraculous, the way we get certain messages exactly when we need them?

[foundinlv]

On 1/20/2015 SoftRaindrops said: One needs only to read the Jane Fonda thread to get the real answer to this topic..

When one is suffering from PTSD and lost loved ones it no longer has a single thing to do with a mere grudge. It goes much deeper than that.

[sidsmom]

On 1/20/2015 SoftRaindrops said: One needs only to read the Jane Fonda thread to get the real answer to this topic..

Funny how both these threads are active @ the same time. I would think 99.9% of the world's past-present spiritual leaders would say having hate in your heart is not a good thing. Hate will kill you faster than any other thing you can imagine.

[VioletEyes]

On 1/20/2015 sidsmom said:

On 1/20/2015 SoftRaindrops said: One needs only to read the Jane Fonda thread to get the real answer to this topic..

Funny how both these threads are active @ the same time. I would think 99.9% of the world's past-present spiritual leaders would say having hate in your heart is not a good thing. Hate will kill you faster than any other thing you can imagine.

Sidsmom, this is just a small demographic posting here. I doubt that most of the opinions posted on that other thread are representative of the world at large.....

[VioletEyes]

On 1/20/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 1/20/2015 SoftRaindrops said: One needs only to read the Jane Fonda thread to get the real answer to this topic..

When one is suffering from PTSD and lost loved ones it no longer has a single thing to do with a mere grudge. It goes much deeper than that.

I lost my cousin in that war that should never have been fought. Our entire family blames who was in office at the time and for sending our troops over there in the first place. Countless numbers of young men went over there because of the draft and never wanted to be there in the first place.

Jane Fonda is and always has been a blip on our radar. She just doesn't register as being important.