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Valued Contributor
Posts: 609
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

On 1/25/2015 Yumagirl said:

Unfortunately, this is not always true. I see plenty of babies that test positive for marijuana sent home with the mom.

In the original post it stated druggie girlfriend. She did not state which drug(s) the girlfriend had used in the past. Where I live if newborns test positive for drugs, CPS is called and this is called in as a referral. I know many have issues with CPS, just stating my experience for my locale.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

sorry

Honored Contributor
Posts: 43,432
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

On 1/25/2015 chrystaltree said: Your husband's son is an sdult, it's his life. They haven't asked you for anything. So, what exactly is your problem? Plaster a smile on your face, say the appropriate things and mind your business. If and when, they should ask for something that you don't want to give them, politely say "no". This is your husband's family, he's free to handle the situation in any manner he chooses as long as he is using his own money and doesn't involve you. See? It's easy.....

{#emotions_dlg.thumbup1}

Regular Contributor
Posts: 151
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

On 1/25/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

Being a stepmom isn't easy. Let's hope the new baby will be healthy and cared for.

Being the son or daughter of a stepmom who can't stand you isn't easy, either.

Super Contributor
Posts: 482
Registered: ‎04-20-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

Thank you for all of your comments. I understand that some of you think I was harsh; however, in my own defense, this particular stepson has shown us over and over that he has little to no respect for us (except when he wants something), blames his father for all his issues, cut us out of his life for years with no explanation and every time he comes back around wants to "start fresh" - my husband loves him of course. I don't dislike him - I just think he makes bad choices over and over because he is just not very bright and is easily influenced. And if someone calls him out on it, he gets belligerent and angry.

The druggie girlfriend is another story - she was hateful to me, and to my husband, brought her drugs into my home, and I have no use for her. Now that she's out of prison, she supposedly has "changed"...I say "show me"...I can forgive but when someone shows me who they are, I have learned to believe them.

Luckily we live across the country and are only involved when they need money (PS We paid over $15,000 to an attorney so my husband's son could get custody of his son - my husband is disabled and has not worked in a number of years so technically it was my money, according to my husband - I just think that (along with other things we have done willingly) should account for something...I guess no good deed goes unpunished...

If you all think I am a horrible person, so be it - we have three other sons/stepsons who are fine responsible people and they seem to think I'm pretty OK.

Super Contributor
Posts: 482
Registered: ‎04-20-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

Re drugs - I suspect meth and know for sure oxycodone

Super Contributor
Posts: 940
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

$15,000. Seems like you've been a big help at some point. Throwing more money will probably not help. Hopefully, the baby and other children will be well taking care of.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

Is your husband temporarily or permanently disabled? Does he get permanent disability? If he does not, then you are basically supporting the family, is that correct? I think what I would do is start a separate bank account of your own and transfer all of your own income into it, you being the only authorized individual on the account. Of course, contribute the same amount to the household as you always have, but when the requests start coming in for money, which is your fear, it will not be your money that goes out, it will be your husband's money, however much he has.

The reason I would take such a drastic step is because this happened to two of my daughters, believe it or not. They supported the family (in one case it was just her husband) and although they are both very frugal, their spouses were not. At the time of the divorces, one had no savings left, and the other had to pay her deadbeat spouse alimony.

Women need to learn to take care of themselves.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Super Contributor
Posts: 482
Registered: ‎04-20-2010

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

Thank you Ford - wise advice which I have been doing for awhile now....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,452
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: Help me step away from this family issue!!

Marrying someone who comes with ""baggage"" is always a risk. Not sure why so many choose to do it. I hope you stand your ground or get away from the situation.