Help, let's talk wedding costs. - Page 4

Kookielady · ‎03-10-2010

By the way-your daughter & her fiance of 10 years had 10 years to save!

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

DH and I were married in our mid to late 30s and both had good jobs. We planned the wedding and honeymoon we could fund ourselves. Both families gave us money (his mother was particularly generous considering she was a widow on a fixed income). We used all the money to fund a TSP for DH (I already had one). We are now enjoying the benefits of this investment now that we are retired.

FUTURE · ‎04-11-2010

Obviously some people have extenuating circumstances that prevent them from saving, but at their age, if they both have decent jobs, they should be able to contribute to the wedding. IMO, they should pay for most of the wedding. Your offer was very generous, and I would be FIRM about it. Do not put yourself in a financially stressful situation for your grown daughters wedding. I really hope I'm not being harsh, but I feel very strongly about this.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@Mustang Shar I had a 'small' wedding for about 70 people in 2012 and my fiance and I spent less than $10,000, closer to 7-8,000.

I got married in the church on campus at my university, which is very beautiful. They gave us a price break and only charged us $1000 and the Father was $600. My dress from Mori Lee new in season only cost $900 and it is gorgeous. I found a wedding place in the city that was not that expensive where I also got my veils. I went downtown away from where most bridal salons are in Chinatown to get a great deal. They were amazing. I only got my shoes, bra and shoes from Kleinfeld's. Almost everything else, I got it online mostly from eBay; my tiara, my earrings, the place holders, etc.

We found a place near the church (Manhattan) but in another borough to hold the reception. They offered an all inclusive package that included the cake, buffet dinner, drinks, the space all for about $51 a person, which we paid for every guest. It was incredible. We had fresh flowers but did not spend too much on centerpieces as the wedding package also included really nice decorating as well. We were both students at the time and did not have a lot of money. We didn't ask our parents to pay for anything. His parents were nice enough to give us some money to help out, which we greatly appreciated. My parents did not contribute.

I think my secret to such a low cost but beautiful wedding is that I knew what I wanted and focused on not going into debt. Everything was paid in cash. If you were to see my wedding pictures you would think we spent a fortune but we didn't. We did rent a limo for the wedding party and we had a vintage white car for us. We did not skimp on anything and still did not pay a lot. If we can do this in NYC, then anyone can!

Another thing we did to keep costs down is that we used the photographer/video and the DJ recommended by our venue and as a result they gave us a special low price. Once we had booked the place since they did most of the work, there was not much for us to do.

~Live with Intention~

moto · ‎03-09-2010

It is not too difficult to go over budget when you don't want to compromise, but a budget is a budget. Once the budget is identified, then you move forward to see what kind of event you are able to afford.

I would love to live in my dream home, but that isn't in my budget, so, you make do and daydream about what you would love to have, if money were not an issue!

My son got married 7 years ago, had a very big wedding, and I won't even guess how much the bride's parents spent. My husband and I covered the bar at the reception and that was $5,000.

What we now see as a trend with young friends are destination weddings. I guess this cuts down a bit on the reception costs, or rather shifts the costs to the close friends who attend the wedding. This is very popular with many in our area.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

I am stunned(actually can't even program the big $$$$ in my brain!) what my nieces parents are spending on her wedding, June, 2016.

went to final arrangements with caterer, florist, photographer and venue planner -- I almost chocked when the price per plate was $234 which I believe includes liquor. Also to her 1st gown fitting.

why do they have a pre-reception stations Everyone will be filled before the dinner -- it's not hot hordorves its stations of tacos, Italian antipasto table, pizza & Italian specialties, lamb chops, roast beef, tapas bar and open bar -- 1.5 hour before reception.

food at reception: veal Oscar, fish dish, filet mignon. Home style vegs, salad, potato selection.

then gelato dessert bar, Italian Venetian table, bridal cake and liquors for after dinner drinks.

good lord who can eat all this! The next morning is a brunch for everyone staying overnite.

Everything about her wedding is over the top including the bachelorette party is being held a long weekend in Jamaica or Atlantis. Of course all her attendants are professionals and can afford it. I just can't imagine the expense. The dress price alone I could have put on a great wedding! She is a only child and her parents can afford it but I still think it's "a little insane"!

so glad I had boys! Weddings are big business!

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Mustang Shar wrote:
Hi Everyone,

My daughter got engaged to her long time boyfriend of 10 years. I'm so happy!

But as a widow who has recently retired, I think her idea of how much I should spend and MY idea of how much, are far apart.

Financially, I'm ok. I have a couple of Pensions and SS surviving spouse benefit. Wedding is a year away, but we still have to book a venue.

I have been on line comparing prices....ouch. I must have been crazy to think I could do a 70 person wedding for $5000. In the Chicago Suburbs, I'm seeing $7000. So I text her, my budget was $5000.00 and I'm kind of shocked at the prices. Plus, that's not including flowers, video , photographer, DJ...omg. She text's back she doesn't want to compromise on her plans. Sorry, but somebody has to. It's very easy to get carried away. I really can't afford $116 a plate.

i gave her a large chunk of the life insurance from her Dads death. My thought is, I will put in $5000 and she can put up the difference. She's 33 just finished her degree and working 2 part time jobs, one of which is in her career path.

Heres the questions...lol : how much for a small wedding these days? Yikes, LOL. Thanks for your experienced help.

Sounds to me like you've been very generous already .... and I hope you don't get bamboozled into shelling out more than you can afford. You are retired and can't re-coup very easily.

I think you shouldn't pay for anything ..... just write her a check for $5k and she pays for everything ... you've contributed what you can, and that's it. Of course, you can always offer opinions, and lovingly encourage her to err on the side of caution with expenses. It's up to her to manage the budget ... good experience for married life.

By the way ... congrats!

Bellabutterfly · ‎04-10-2014

Your Daughter and your soon to be Son -In-Law had 10 years to save for their wedding. You gave her a large chunk of her fathers life insurance. What did she do with it? Blow it?

You offered $5, 000- stick with that amount no more. Tell me is she going to pay your electric bill if one year you can't afford it?

They are Adults! What is with these people that think we own them???

If they want a bigger, better wedding with all the hoop la, tell them that they better start saving their pennies now. Forget about going out on fancy dates and dinners, stop going out to lunch everyday and start brown bagging it. Tell them they better make a flow chart with how much they want and how much they are going to have to save to have it.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

I'd give them plane tickets to Las Vegas.............

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

Congratulations! Just talk to you daughter and explain to her your situation and tell her that $5k is all you have to offer her. I just spent 8 years in a row paying college tuition for my two children, then we helped our DD with graduate school. Neither of my children have school loans, that in itself is a great gift, especially in today's economy. When and if either of my children get married, they'll be getting what I can afford to give them and nothing more. DH & I have to think about our retirment years and while at the present time we're both in good health, that could change tomorrow. I know many people who spend a lot of money on weddings and that goes along with it and that's fine, as long as you don't go broke doing it. A wedding is one day, it's nice to make it special, but you can make it special without breaking the bank. Good luck to you and to your daughter.