Community Chat

[LilacTree]

As some of you may know, I have not been in the best of health for a long time, and since May it has gotten worse because I have had severe back issues, which included two week-long hospitalizations and one back “procedure” which has left me (temporarily, I hope) pretty much unable to do many things for myself.

Two of my daughters who live close by have been helping me, one cleans for me once a week, and the other takes care of my medical necessities, such as driving me to doctors’ appts., etc. They do other things for me as they come up. I don’t know what I would do without them. They do these things willingly and lovingly, but being even a part time caregiver is an overwhelming responsibility and I can sometimes see that it wears on them, so I try to keep it to a bare minimum.

Lately I’ve been hearing from various sources that one of these daughters wants to move to California. My granddaughter seems very excited about it and talks about it all the time. This daughter has always said she would never move away as long as I am still alive. And she has never indicated to me directly that she wants to move anywhere, let alone 3,000 miles away. If she actually did move, it would mean some kind of assisted living arrangement for me, which would mean I would have to give up my apartment and independent living, probably forever.

I am so conflicted about whether or not I should bring this up with her. She is a grown woman with a family, and has a right to do anything with her life, no matter how “inconvenient” it would be for me. I don’t like the thought that she yearns to do something that I am preventing her from doing because she would feel guilty. I won’t go into the emotional feelings I would have about losing her, or the extra responsibility this would put upon my other daughter, who I truly don’t think could handle it. I have two other daughters, one lives 55 miles away, and one from whom I am estranged, who lives in Philly.

Many old and sick individuals have to face this issue sooner or later. I am lucky to have reached the age of 75 before being confronted with it. Any thoughts?