Community Chat

[AngelPuppy1]

@goldensrbest 

I feel for you and I can empathisize.  Of course you feel such a loss, not only for your mother, but for yourself.  I went through this a few years ago.  Most of my memories were of my mother and father in the house and I still try to envision all of us together in the house.  I know you probably feel terrible sadness, and that is natural.  Blessings! 

[goldensrbest]

Thank you every one,  i felt this might be a little crazy feeling this way, but all of you so helped me.

[CelticCrafter]

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@Puppy Lips wrote:

 So sorry you are going through this, but we all go through some form of this loss.  When it was time for my Mom to say goodbye to my childhood home 5 years ago (my Dad had passed already), I was there to help clear out the house.  My last time in the house I broke down in tears (with my dumb brother staring at me and wondering what was wrong with me) because I felt like we were leaving Dad behind.  When I think of "home", it is not the home I now live in, it is that home, that I grew up in.

Fast forward to a few months ago.  My butt-inski sister in law wormed her way into my parents' old home.  The new owners made some significant changes to it and my sister in law sent me pictures.  I wish like heck she had not done that.  I wanted to remember it as I left it, not with other people living there and making changes.

Such is life.  We have to accept these changes and move on.  Good luck to the OP.

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@Puppy Lips I recently decided to Zillow my parents house and what a mistake that was.

I never lived in that house but I was devastated to see what had been done to the inside.

Updated for the better, I guess, but not the warm, inviting home I remember.

[Boehm Collector]

@goldensrbest .  I can certainly relate.  I sold my parents house in 2012 after my mother passed away (Mom passed away in 2009... but I couldn't bring myself to sell it sooner).  They had purchased it in 1961.  It was the house I grew up in.  Before I emptied it out I took photos of every single room.  The day of the closing I went inside for the last time.  I cried like a baby because I knew once I locked the door behind me I would never be there again.  I couldn't even attend the closing.  I am a real estate attorney so I prepared all the paperwork.  I gave it to my Realtor to drop off at the Buyer's attoreney's office.  Since then the Buyers have become my clients.  They did a lot of renovations and have invited me several times to go see the changes they have made.  But almost 12 years later I still can't bring myself to go.  

My brother and I took as many of our parents possessions as we could.  But sadly there was too much for us to take it all.  I still have the photos... and, of course, all my memories.  

[Babyfran]

Goldensrbest, , please know that you are in my prayers. A chapter of your life has closed. I have been where you are, and can feel your pain. Please know we are here for you. ❤️

Fran 

[IMW]

Of course you feel grief about your mom, your childhood home----your early life.

For me it felt like a part of my life was being erased.

It is a very difficult time, but over time it hurts less. I've always had the hole that this loss creates but it scars over and hurts less.

Hope you're feeling better soon. 

[Imaoldhippie]

@goldensrbest .........Its emotionally and physically draining for all of us that go through this at some point.  You can only go through one day at a time and allow yourself the grieving process albiet it tears, anger, saddness, anxiety and depression.  Im so very sorry it is your time for this sad part of life.

God bless you and your family, and especially your brother who has stepped up to the plate.

[vermint]

@goldensrbest  Sending you prayers for strength as you go through this. It's never easy to leave a part of our life behind! Hope you feel better about it all very soon.

I just realized a couple weeks ago, upon the passing of an aunt, that I am one death away from being the oldest woman on my dad's side of the family...that was a jolt! I have one aunt left on that side, and she is in her 80's.

[Puppy Lips]

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@CelticCrafter wrote:

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@Puppy Lips wrote:

 So sorry you are going through this, but we all go through some form of this loss.  When it was time for my Mom to say goodbye to my childhood home 5 years ago (my Dad had passed already), I was there to help clear out the house.  My last time in the house I broke down in tears (with my dumb brother staring at me and wondering what was wrong with me) because I felt like we were leaving Dad behind.  When I think of "home", it is not the home I now live in, it is that home, that I grew up in.

Fast forward to a few months ago.  My butt-inski sister in law wormed her way into my parents' old home.  The new owners made some significant changes to it and my sister in law sent me pictures.  I wish like heck she had not done that.  I wanted to remember it as I left it, not with other people living there and making changes.

Such is life.  We have to accept these changes and move on.  Good luck to the OP.

---

@Puppy Lips I recently decided to Zillow my parents house and what a mistake that was.

I never lived in that house but I was devastated to see what had been done to the inside.

Updated for the better, I guess, but not the warm, inviting home I remember.

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@CelticCrafter When DH were back in our home state last year, we decided to drive by the home that he lived in from 5th grade on.  That too was a mistake.  The lawn and gardens were unkempt.  There were weeds between pavers in the driveway, his bedroom window looked broken, and the house needed to be painted.  His parents took such pride in that home, and now it looked awful.  At least your parents home was nice inside, though it was not your parents' taste.  Same thing with my parents' home.  It was nice on the inside, but my parents would have hated the changes.

[Northray]

Yes it's one of lifes hardest journeys.  And to think I still have to go through it again with my mom and dad one day - I can't even.

We went through this with my Gran.  She had dementia, mom took care of her.  But when we went to sell her car, and went through her things to see what to keep and what not to keep -- it was so hard.  My Gran loved her jewelry, my mom was not a big jewelry person so I kept all her jewelry.  When I look at it I can remember her so well, I can even smell her perfume.  Everything smelled lovely on her.