Have you ever...

AliJoi5 · ‎03-10-2010

...had a misunderstanding with someone, been unable to resolve it for whatever reason, and it still bugs you? I was thinking about this today (after my Pats lost and I was wallowing in my misery). I had something like this happen my senior year of high school (!) and I still haven't been able to let it go.

My art teacher (Mrs. H) had a daughter who was profoundly deaf, but did manage to hear in some capacity with the aid of a device. Naturally, her speech was deeply affected. She was much younger and not in high school, but would often spend the day in the art room with her mother. This particular day, Mrs. H had us crowded around her desk to show us a technique. Her daughter began speaking, with difficulty of course, to take part in her mother's lesson... with Mrs. H looking on her proudly as she struggled, but persevered. Another girl in my class, I'll never forget it, little Jackie, did something silly to make me laugh, as she often did. The rest of the class had been listening intently to Mrs. H and her daughter. When I looked up, Mrs. H was shooting me a look that I thought would melt my face off. And she was a sweet woman otherwise, who I'd had for art a few years. I wanted to crawl under the desk. Mrs. H was never the same to me after that, and I've always been convinced she thought I was laughing at her daughter. Being 17 y/o at the time, I didn't attempt to right the situation the way I would have today. This has always really bothered me because it couldn't be farther from who I am as a person to behave in that manner.

I ran into Mrs. H years later at my salon... she remembered me, of course, but even less surprising was the fact that she was still cold as ice. As awkward as it may have been to do so, I was tempted to say something to her about that day in art class. But I chickened out thinking the time to correct the situation had come and gone, and that I would somehow make things worse. I once again ran into her and her husband, who had also been my English teacher, at a beach festival (I never run into anyone!!). That time, I hauled azz for the hills rather than even be seen. Yes, this is a bad Seinfeld episode, starring yours truly as George Costanza, the most immature and least tactful person to ever exist.

I know, I know, time to let it go. But man, does this one irk me. Can anyone relate?

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

You were wise to avoid her if she's that nasty. You did nothing wrong. It was just a misunderstanding. What kind of adult holds something like that against someone who did something so insignificant in the scheme of things when they were just a kid? She sounds like a NUT.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

@AliJoi5 I can understand why you still think about that situation.

It's never too late to write to her and explain you were not laughing at her dtr. I think she would appreciate a note from you.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

It seems to me that it is the teacher who owes the apology if she's been hostile and nasty.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I can see how she probably thought you, and maybe you and your friend both, were laughing at her daughter and that stuck in her craw. Who wouldn't be upset if they thought people were making fun of their kid, right?

If I saw her I would probably be compelled to try and clear it up, even still. I'd just open with something like 'you know, there is something that has been bothering me terribly all these years...' and go on to explain to her that your friend made you laugh and you were not laughing at her child.

If I were her, at that point of having it explained, I would probably realize that if you were just being a little chit and laughing at her child, it would not be on your mind all these years because you could not care less. That it HAS bothered you means that you are not who she has gone on to think you are.

Can't hurt, right?

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Big Sister wrote:
@AliJoi5 I can understand why you still think about that situation.
It's never too late to write to her and explain you were not laughing at her dtr. I think she would appreciate a note from you.

I kind of agree with this... While most of me says to let it go, I get it that you'd like to set the record straight and you probably have nothing to lose by simply mentioning that you still percieve being 'bad vibed' by her all these years later and while you're not so sure that's approrpriate either... you'd like to clear the air...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

AliJoi5 · ‎03-10-2010

Nah I don't think she was a nut. Honestly, I think she was tremendously hurt and appalled that someone would laugh at her disabled daughter. The fact that she thinks that person was me, still makes me shiver. I went to that school from grade 7-12 and still support the hockey team. I always hope to gawd I don't run into her again.

AliJoi5 · ‎03-10-2010

I think you all make a valid point about reaching out to her. I'm still gun shy though!

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

@AliJoi5 wrote:
Nah I don't think she was a nut. Honestly, I think she was tremendously hurt and appalled that someone would laugh at her disabled daughter. The fact that she thinks that person was me, still makes me shiver. I went to that school from grade 7-12 and still support the hockey team. I always hope to gawd I don't run into her again.

You were a kid. She was the adult. What kind of person carries such venom toward a kid all these years later? There IS something wrong with her if she is acting out this way.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I can totally see how this would be bothering you. I would probably have it enter my mind almost every day and positively HATE that somebody thinks I am like that and would do that to their disabled child!

I've had things over all these years, but nothing I could ever fix. I think that this IS something that you could fix. Either that, or find a way that you could get it out of your head.

I'm one of the most tortured people you will ever meet and I really feel like if there is something you can do, and if you wish you COULD do it, then I'd just do it. It could be one less thing that is keeping you from having some peace.