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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: Have you ever been involved with a sociopath?

On 3/18/2015 MarieIG said:
On 3/17/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/16/2015 wildflowers said:
On 3/15/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/15/2015 MarieIG said:

I don't know.

He was intelligent, charming, and good looking. I would not say overtly anti-social, but there were two completely different sides. I didn't see the ugly side for quite a while. He lied and lied and lied, and was extremely controlling. He followed me. He trash talked everyone I cared about. I would say he used people. He "showed" emotion, but the show wasn't backed up by the actions. When I caught on and wanted to leave, he threatened suicide to keep me in the relationship. I was a gentle loving person and he used that to his advantage. If you met both of us side-by-side, you would believe him, not me. (Only if you really got to know him would you see things not starting to add up.)

You have just described my ex SIL, who continues to threaten and harass my sick daughter. He is amping it up now because he has found out her life is taking a turn for the better and he can't handle that.

I hope you are far, far away from your ex and living a peaceful life.Smile


How long have they been divorced? Has she been in touch with the police to report his continued harassment of her...at least to have something on file regarding his behavior?

It's almost five years now. They were married for 18 years and she put up with his antics, which included many infidelities and his secretary having his child. She kept thinking about his troublesome childhood and if she could show him enough love, she could "make him better." Nothing she ever did was good enough and he blamed her for everything. There is so much more, but better left unsaid.

Yes, he is on file with the State Police after one horrible incident. She did not press charges, but they warned him very explicitly. Police hate abusers.

He continues to threaten her, and he has threatened me. She believes that if she reports this to the police, it will only get worse. So it continues.

The worst thing about it is how he uses the kids (now 20 and 18) to threaten her. They have lived their lives this way. I'm stopping now.

I am so sorry Ford. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I do understand, it's just too much, too painful, and too scary with the kids involved. Eighteen years of being trapped in h&ll . . . I wish I could very gently hug your daughter. I will say prayers for you both.

Thank you Marie. I never realized what h&ll she was going through until I lived with them for a year. I couldn't believe what tyranny he put upon his little wife and children and I became frightened of him myself. After what I call the "rampage," it all ended within days. I went to stay with another daughter and he finally left the house.

However, the threats and harassment continue and I fear will never end until either he or she is gone. I do have hopes that this move, and his knowing what I did last time (I was the one who called the police), will keep him away from our home.


Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: Have you ever been involved with a sociopath?

On 3/19/2015 emmysmom said:
On 3/17/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/16/2015 MarieIG said:
On 3/15/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/15/2015 MarieIG said:

I don't know.

He was intelligent, charming, and good looking. I would not say overtly anti-social, but there were two completely different sides. I didn't see the ugly side for quite a while. He lied and lied and lied, and was extremely controlling. He followed me. He trash talked everyone I cared about. I would say he used people. He "showed" emotion, but the show wasn't backed up by the actions. When I caught on and wanted to leave, he threatened suicide to keep me in the relationship. I was a gentle loving person and he used that to his advantage. If you met both of us side-by-side, you would believe him, not me. (Only if you really got to know him would you see things not starting to add up.)

You have just described my ex SIL, who continues to threaten and harass my sick daughter. He is amping it up now because he has found out her life is taking a turn for the better and he can't handle that.

I hope you are far, far away from your ex and living a peaceful life.Smile

Thank you Ford. Yes I am. I am so sorry to hear your DD is going through that. She surely does not need that stress aggravating her condition. I hope she is able to achieve complete separation from her ex and enjoy some peace as well.

It would be a miracle. But maybe she and I living together might dampen it somewhat. I surely hope it doesn't make it worse. Thank you also, you certainly would understand.

I also have an illness, and I KNOW I got sick when I lived with this nutcase! I was told the stress brought it on, as stress weakens our immune system. I feel the same happened with your daughter! My friend was married to a narc/sociopath controller, and she has severe pain..long story. She was married to him for 21 years, with 2 children. I was married the same length, with 3 children. Seems very coincidental we all have serious health issues! I take lots of supplements and I am slowly getting better. My friend and I are emotional support for each other. I think your daughter will get better..living with you and feeling safe! Please give her a hug.. fear and worry makes us sick! Just talking about this makes me ill!

I have never had any doubt that living with this psycho is what ruined my daughter's health, as well as her adorable personality. That is all gone now, she is "numb," and I attribute 80% of it to the severe stress and fear she lived with for so long trying to deal with this monster.

I have mentioned this to her several times, but she gets so upset, I don't say it anymore. She wants to believe her illness came on having nothing to do with him. I will always believe that, as you say, she was so weakened by that marriage (if one can call it that), that it ignited the Lyme that was probably lurking there and caused it to violently attack.

Just as I hope that what we are doing together now will help my little daughter, that both you and your friend have or will find peace as well.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

Re: Have you ever been involved with a sociopath?

On 3/19/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/19/2015 emmysmom said:
On 3/17/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/16/2015 MarieIG said:
On 3/15/2015 Ford1224 said:
On 3/15/2015 MarieIG said:

I don't know.

He was intelligent, charming, and good looking. I would not say overtly anti-social, but there were two completely different sides. I didn't see the ugly side for quite a while. He lied and lied and lied, and was extremely controlling. He followed me. He trash talked everyone I cared about. I would say he used people. He "showed" emotion, but the show wasn't backed up by the actions. When I caught on and wanted to leave, he threatened suicide to keep me in the relationship. I was a gentle loving person and he used that to his advantage. If you met both of us side-by-side, you would believe him, not me. (Only if you really got to know him would you see things not starting to add up.)

You have just described my ex SIL, who continues to threaten and harass my sick daughter. He is amping it up now because he has found out her life is taking a turn for the better and he can't handle that.

I hope you are far, far away from your ex and living a peaceful life.Smile

Thank you Ford. Yes I am. I am so sorry to hear your DD is going through that. She surely does not need that stress aggravating her condition. I hope she is able to achieve complete separation from her ex and enjoy some peace as well.

It would be a miracle. But maybe she and I living together might dampen it somewhat. I surely hope it doesn't make it worse. Thank you also, you certainly would understand.

I also have an illness, and I KNOW I got sick when I lived with this nutcase! I was told the stress brought it on, as stress weakens our immune system. I feel the same happened with your daughter! My friend was married to a narc/sociopath controller, and she has severe pain..long story. She was married to him for 21 years, with 2 children. I was married the same length, with 3 children. Seems very coincidental we all have serious health issues! I take lots of supplements and I am slowly getting better. My friend and I are emotional support for each other. I think your daughter will get better..living with you and feeling safe! Please give her a hug.. fear and worry makes us sick! Just talking about this makes me ill!

I have never had any doubt that living with this psycho is what ruined my daughter's health, as well as her adorable personality. That is all gone now, she is "numb," and I attribute 80% of it to the severe stress and fear she lived with for so long trying to deal with this monster.

I have mentioned this to her several times, but she gets so upset, I don't say it anymore. She wants to believe her illness came on having nothing to do with him. I will always believe that, as you say, she was so weakened by that marriage (if one can call it that), that it ignited the Lyme that was probably lurking there and caused it to violently attack.

Just as I hope that what we are doing together now will help my little daughter, that both you and your friend have or will find peace as well.

Thanks Ford, I will place you both on my prayer list.

All of us WILL find peace and HEALING! {#emotions_dlg.wub} Another thing, my attorney suggested I get a permanent restraining order against him..I did..he hasn't bothered me since I left. Just a thought~Its hard, my boys still have a relationship with him, they saw how he treated me and they were abused too..hard to understand! I got therapy at my women's shelter..maybe your DD would be receptive of going. I was able to move on and keep my sanity, I went there for over a year. I saw a therapist once a week and also attended classes, if I chose too. All were free! I met other women that really helped, as we all were going through similar things! I saw women arrive after having babies, and they had no where to go. If I was wealthy, I would want to support these shelters and also shelters for their pets! Did you know many women stay with an abuser because they have no place to leave their pets?? Thankfully, last I heard our shelter has one!

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West