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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,328
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

Since most of your side of the family won't be able to attend the wedding in Texas, I think it's reasonable for you to hold a small reception in MO for your side and give them the opportunity to meet your DIL.  

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Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

What I normally see done in this situation is that the wedding is where the bride is from and then there's an open house where the groom is from. It doesn't have to be fancy and can just be when they're in the area. If close to the time of the wedding, both events are listed on the invite. 

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Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

I am heading into my son's second marriage.  I have learned that it is best for the MOG to keep her mouth shut except to ask what color she should wear.

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Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?


@tarsmom wrote:

Hello!

 

I need some input please Smiley Happy

 

I have one son who lives out of state and he and his girlfriend recently were engaged.  She's from TX, we're from MI and son/GF live in NC.

 

The planning of course is the bride's and her mom's and they plan to get married in TX in December.

 

She is very lovely and wants my help/opinions on how to do this.  I explained that her/her mom can decide what makes sense and I'll help where I can.  

 

Has anyone had this kind of wedding experience?  Me/hubby met after high school, lived in same city and all of our family was here.  Things are different now, for sure!  People are all over the country....

 

Thanks for your help!

 


I'm from NJ, so is my husband.  We grew up together, lived a block apart.  So all my family and his are from NJ, so are our friends.  We got engaged, moved to California and got married a year later.  Originally I planned on getting married in NJ.  Had placed booked and everything.  I wanted a small wedding, maybe 80 people, but the guest list kept climbing...150 with no end in sight.  Me, fiance, sister and mother went to venue for the menu and tasting.  My sister and mother kept asking about theme and flowers and how everything had to match.  My husband must of seen some look on my face and he said, let's take a walk (it was on the beach.  I told him I didn't want to do this, he at first thought I didn't want to get married, but I just didn't want what my wedding was becoming.  We cancel the venue and before leaving back to California, talked to my neighbor who had just returned from a wedding in WDW Florida.  A place my husband absolutely loves by the way.  Decided then and there to get married at WDW.  Had a small wedding, a couple of close friends and family.  It does work out.

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Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?


@tarsmom wrote:

@Silver Lining wrote:

I think generally the bride chooses to have the wedding where she's living or where she's from originally since her parents, siblings, etc. are usually there. I think it's really thoughtful of your son's fiance to discuss it with you. I love my DIL. She's everything I have ever dreamed of for my son. However, the idea of having the wedding in my son's former hometown or where his father and I live never entered her or her parent's minds.


Yes, that's true - but then how do we include our side of the family?  (not that I'm suggesting a separate event here!)  


 

 

My DIL-to-be, her mother and father, grandmother, sister and aunts did all of the planning for parties, showers, keepsakes, luncheons and the wedding itself. Everything was in my DIL 's hometown. Nobody in my or my son's father's family were asked to or expected to host anything except the rehearsal dinner. My son's father and I are divorced but we and our extended families get along great. My future DIL, her parents, etc. wanted the rehearsal dinner in their city, of course, since the wedding would be at their church. Of course, my ex and I paid for location, dinner, drinks, flowers, pictures, etc. for the event 

 

All of my son's folks and friends drove, flew or whatever to the rehearsal. We all stayed at hotels, attended the church wedding, and a reception (drinks, food, band) at botanical gardens, spent the night. We left the next morning after breakfast at the hotel.We didn't see or hear from bride's family. The DIL-to-be had asked in advance if my son's father and I would pay for the photographer at the wedding and reception, pictures and photo albums. They chose the photographer. Beautiful portraits.

 

In other words, my son's father and I and our friends and family had very little say-so. His father and I and our mothers were in some formal pictures since we are the groom's mother and father. It wasn't exactly how I had envisioned my son's wedding. He's my only child.

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Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

[ Edited ]

@tarsmom 

Your answer and intentions are spot on.  That being said, we have had two family weddings where out of town family came in and there were a couple of things that were important to them that you might mention if bride and mom planning.

Regarding hotels:  if you think handicapped rooms are preferred,mention so that those are blocked for your party.  If ceremony and reception far apart from hotel, perhaps having hotel shuttle available is important.  I preferred guests not driving around late after reception. 

Enjoy the events!

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Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

[ Edited ]

@tarsmom wrote:

Hello!

 

I need some input please Smiley Happy

 

I have one son who lives out of state and he and his girlfriend recently were engaged.  She's from TX, we're from MI and son/GF live in NC.

 

The planning of course is the bride's and her mom's and they plan to get married in TX in December.

 

She is very lovely and wants my help/opinions on how to do this.  I explained that her/her mom can decide what makes sense and I'll help where I can.  

 

Has anyone had this kind of wedding experience?  Me/hubby met after high school, lived in same city and all of our family was here.  Things are different now, for sure!  People are all over the country....

 

Thanks for your help!

 


 

Nearly every wedding I've been involved in my entire life had couples from two different states (including my own).

 

I'm not sure what exactly you're asking.  Please let me know what help you need.  And how wonderful that your DIL-to-be is so lovely!  Wishing much happiness to all!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 748
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?


@NYC Susan wrote:

@tarsmom wrote:

Hello!

 

I need some input please Smiley Happy

 

I have one son who lives out of state and he and his girlfriend recently were engaged.  She's from TX, we're from MI and son/GF live in NC.

 

The planning of course is the bride's and her mom's and they plan to get married in TX in December.

 

She is very lovely and wants my help/opinions on how to do this.  I explained that her/her mom can decide what makes sense and I'll help where I can.  

 

Has anyone had this kind of wedding experience?  Me/hubby met after high school, lived in same city and all of our family was here.  Things are different now, for sure!  People are all over the country....

 

Thanks for your help!

 


 

Nearly every wedding I've been involved in my entire life had couples from two different states (including my own).

 

I'm not sure what you're asking, but I'll help if I can.  What is it you want to know?  :-)


Hello - thank you Smiley Happy

 

I guess I wasn't clear about how the marriage will be celebrated on 'our' side of the family if they can't attend the wedding in TX?  Just wait until the next time we're all together like a summer barbeque and the newlyweds come to MI?  What about showers and all of that?  I don't know about these things because all of my family has chosen their partner locally Smiley Happy

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Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

@tarsmom Oh, just ask your son what he would like at home.  Give him time to discuss with the bride privately.  Then accept their answer.  Don't push.

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Posts: 18,319
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Has anyone planned a wedding when families involved are in different states?

I might change my mind, but my first thought is to give your DIL a list of close family members.

 

She will send invitations to them. If they are able to attend, they will. Same with her relatives.

 

Otherwise, your relatives will probably eventually meet the new bride later on, in the future.

 

I'm only guessing that the couple is guessing that many (both sides) will not be able to attend, which is perfectly fine.

 

Maybe a videographer will be hired, and those family members (both sides) will be able to view the wedding videos at later dates.

 

Well, wishing your son and daughter a relatively stress-free special day.

 

That's the important thing in their life together. 

 

Good, peaceful, beautiful memories.  Heart

 

 

 

 

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).