Community Chat

[Anonymous032819]

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@QueenDanceALot wrote:

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@PamfromCT wrote:

There are a few people here I would advise “don’t open your blouse...your heart may fall on the floor.”  Blunt, but my feelings.

I was so fortunate to be brought up by parents who taught their kids solid values.  I saw how they cared for other people, quietly and without fanfare.

There are no guarantees in life.  Life is not fair.  Planning is good, but plans are not set in concrete.  There are many people I know who are really upsight about three plight of so many in our country.  Many of these posts here are just tragic

to me.  And I’ve been called a “bleeding heart” more than once in my life.  My answer:  “Why thank you !”  So many people here are loving and caring people who care.  I know it’s a struggle, but I ask all never to lose heart.

Many of us deeply care, never forget.

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@PamfromCT 

Thank you for speaking about parents teaching their children values rather than joining the myriad posts here about parents teaching their children how to plan their financial future.

There is a good reason why we all know the phrase, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry".

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Well, I learned something new today, I learned that it is illegal to give any sort of  financial advice to anyone, family, friend, co-worker, because if they take your advice and it doesn't work out, you can get arrested and thrown in prison!

For example, a parent can't tell their child to take advantage of their work's 401(k) and to start saving for their retirement, and to invest as much as they can in to it.

Because, if the child does that, then the market goes bust, the child can then turn around and sue the parents for giving "bad financial advice"!

Isn't that right, @FrostyBabe ?

So, it's better to let the kids figure financial stuff out for themselves, lest Mom & Dad go to prison for giving their kids any sort of finacial advice.

[Burnsite]

I just turned 71 and still enjoy working, so I haven't retired. 

I won't retire until it is medically necessary because I want to stay independent.

I had a dear friend (he didn't like his job that much and took retirement asap), who six years later told me that "living on a fixed income is pure hell." He wasn't a complainer at all--he was just responding to my question about a problem with his teeth.  He couldn't afford dental work.

[tansy]

Good to see you posting, @Burnsite.  One of the responses either on this thread or another one made me wonder what had happened to you.

[River Song]

@Athome2,

I'm so sorry that your husband has ALL and that he is struggling with his health after the stem cell transplant.  I know this is very difficult.  You are both on a journey to a final destination but taking different paths, and neither one is easy.  

My husband was very strong, healthy and fit, shunned red meat, loved fishing, hiking, birding.  Did everything you're supposed to do to live a long life.  Then his body betrayed him.  I think he lived as long as he did because he was so strong and healthy to begin with.

He was convinced that the bone marrow transplant would cure him.  He kept saying that it was just as easy to be lucky as unlucky.  He didn't want to die, he wanted to get back to living his life.  He was so, so crushed when the transplant failed and he knew he was going to die.  And, it was soul crushing for me to have to watch him go through it.  No one has a full appreciation and empathy for terminal illness until you have to witness it yourself and be the caregiver to that person.  It's in your face every minute of every day from the initial diagnosis until that person dies.  I wept in despair every single night for 2-1/2 years because I knew I would lose him.

I used to think that if you planned your life and did things 'right', it would all work out great in the end.  Now, I think it's just the luck of the draw.  You're either lucky or unlucky. 

Many of the people on this thread do not realize just how lucky they have been in their lives.  They take it for granted that everyone is as lucky as they are and if you aren't, well, you're just a slacker.  Oh, they say they planned and scrimped and saved, blah, blah, blah.  Well, bully for them.  We did that, too.  They just haven't experienced a truly horrific tragedy that takes it all away from them.  And, if they are very, very lucky, they won't.

[River Song]

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@geezerette wrote:

@River Song 

Forgive me for such belated condolences, but this is the first I have heard that your dear husband has passed.  I have been wondering why we have not heard from you and was afraid that this, or something like it, was the reason.

My sympathies and condolences just don't seem like enough.  Your situation now just adds insult to injury.  I won't begin to say "I understand", because I don't.  

You were there for me when I needed your words of encouragement, and now my words to you just seem so woefully inadequate.  I truly wish there was something more I could do for you now.💔🙏🕊❤️

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@geezerette ,

Thank you for your condolences.  I haven't posted in quite some time.  Just wasn't up to it.  The three months before my husband died were very intense.  His health deteriorated, his treatment intensified, I became more frantic and terrified.  Nobody on the Compact thread would have been interested in my lamentations.  I was dealing with a life-and-death situation and the whole subject of decluttering seemed like a pointless waste of time to me while I was going through all of that.

So, now it's three months later and I'm having a tough time.  The initial two month emotional shock from his death has worn off and it seems all I do is weep.  In between dealing with an attorney to settle my husband's estate, outstanding medical claims (health insurance/Medicare), life insurance company (don't get me started), home maintenance chores my husband did, yardwork my husband did, car maintenance my husband did.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm physically exhausted from all the chores I have to do myself because I can't afford to pay anyone to do them for me.

I swear I'm having some mild PTSD symptoms from the horror of the past 2-1/2 years.  It's heartbreaking to have to bear witness to terminal illness.  I start to hyperventilate when dealing with his medical claims because I'm living it all over again.  I tried so hard to keep him alive and I failed.  Yes, yes, I know rationally it was the leukemia that killed him, but emotionally I feel I failed him.  We had such nice plans for when we retired and poof!, it's all gone.  Soon I have to get a job and work for the next 25 or 30 years, or until I drop dead, whichever comes first.  Oh, joy. 

[catwhisperer]

@River Song....I don't mean to interrupt your reply to Geezerette, but I just wanted to say that I feel so bad for you and wish I could give you a big hug. I am seven months into the journey, so have already experienced many of the things you are now experiencing. I, too, thought I had PTSD. My grief counselor said they can go hand in hand. (((Hugs))).

[geezerette]

@River Song 

Oh, sweetie! 😢  I do know how you're feeling--at least some of what you're feeling.  I do know about not feeling up to posting.  Which is why I didn't say anything over there.  I figured it was yours to tell--if and when you wanted.  But I disagree that no one in the other thread would be interested in what you're going through.  Quite the opposite!  I've been worried about you, and I know others have been too.  We all bare our souls there at times, and you shouldn't feel that you can't either.

There also is a "Widows' Thread" in the Among Friends forum.  (I know, I still hate that word too and can't believe it applies to me.)  The women there are all very welcoming, supporting, and generous.  We all are at various stages in life and have our own stories, some familiar, some not.  You're very welcome to come over and just vent about anything and everything going on in your life. Sometimes it's easier to talk to people about things that you know they will understand.

Lastly, you sound so alone and overwhelmed that it really worries me.  Do you have any family, friends or neighbors to help you at all?  Many religious organizations have committees to help people exactly in your predicament with daily chores, at least for a while until you can get on your feet a little better.  

I do wish we still had private messages available here--I'd love to be able to talk to you privately.  Barring that, please do come back to any thread if and when you feel up to it.  I know I'm not the only one concerned about you.  And don't you ever think that no one wants to hear about your "lamentations"!  We might not be able to be there for you physically, but we sure can be here for you emotionally!❤️

💔🙏🕊❤️

[geezerette]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

@River Song....I don't mean to interrupt your reply to Geezerette, but I just wanted to say that I feel so bad for you and wish I could give you a big hug. I am seven months into the journey, so have already experienced many of the things you are now experiencing. I, too, thought I had PTSD. My grief counselor said they can go hand in hand. (((Hugs))).

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@catwhisperer 

I'm sure @River Song doesn't mind that you offered her condolences, no matter where it is.  You've had a rough go of things too, so you have a good idea what she's feeling.  

Thank you for your kindness and concern. ❤️

[catwhisperer]

@geezerette....you are a sweetheart.

[geezerette]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

@geezerette....you are a sweetheart.

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@catwhisperer 

I can be--occasionally! 😉😄

You take care, too.  And don't be a stranger, either! ❤️