Community Chat

[Johnnyeager]

NOT BRAGGING:  but I do still get a lot of mostly address labels, notepads (some nice ones with name and address) and pens.  

For years, I felt the need to keep and store them, perhaps guilt about tossing them out.  However, recently I purged almost everything, I'll never live at this address long enough to use all the labels!

And the end of the year is when those type of mailings really pick up in volume.

NOT BRAGGING.

[sidsmom]

I think when people consciously or unconsciously put ‘conditions’

on their gifts...that’s when it gets weird.

Just this last week, we had 3 separate threads about this.

Wedding gifts: Apparently if it’s cash, that’s ‘bad’...why?

Because the gifter has placed conditions on their gift.

Random Act of Kindness: Helping someone pick up something

since they were in a wheelchair & the recipient is upset.

Since the ‘gifter’ is putting conditions on their act of kindness,

they are upset. 

Computer: If the gifter would’ve received a lukewarm response,

that thread would definitely have been a totally different tone.  

Again, the gifter placed conditions on their gift. 

When a public figure makes a multi-million $$$$ donation to a cause,

those same ‘conditional’ gifters tsk-tsk if that celebrity does something 

they don’t agree with...again, conditions & judging.

And I know the ‘conditional’ people are few & missing something to

want that conditional response from their gift.  Most people would

just do something & go about their day. It’s in the DNA. 

Humble genes. 

[Cakers3]

---

@sidsmom wrote:

I think when people consciously or unconsciously put ‘conditions’

on their gifts...that’s when it gets weird.

Just this last week, we had 3 separate threads about this.

Wedding gifts: Apparently if it’s cash, that’s ‘bad’...why?

Because the gifter has placed conditions on their gift.

Random Act of Kindness: Helping someone pick up something

since they were in a wheelchair & the recipient is upset.

Since the ‘gifter’ is putting conditions on their act of kindness,

they are upset. 

Computer: If the gifter would’ve received a lukewarm response,

that thread would definitely have been a totally different tone.  

Again, the gifter placed conditions on their gift. 

When a public figure makes a multi-million $$$$ donation to a cause,

those same ‘conditional’ gifters tsk-tsk if that celebrity does something 

they don’t agree with...again, conditions & judging.

And I know the ‘conditional’ people are few & missing something to

want that conditional response from their gift.  Most people would

just do something & go about their day. It’s in the DNA. 

Humble genes. 

---

@sidsmom   Where in the world are you getting that she placed conditions on the gift?

She shared a nice story and asked others to share their stories.

She never, ever would have placed conditions on the recipient; if anything she would not have even mentioned it if the person was not so thankful.

That is how she rolls.   What is the purpose of assuming the worst about another person?  Especially in a scenario that YOU made up?

Something is wrong with that type of negativity.

[Drythe]

Following along the topic of intentions,

what’s up with raining on something that gives someone else joy?

🤔

[chrystaltree]

I totally agree with that.  Granted, I'm knocking on the door to 60.  I was raised to believe that if you did a good deed or if you did something kind to help someone; you should be doing it because it was the right thing to do, not because you want praise or acknowledgement for it.  To seek  praise or acknowledgement actually undid the good deed because you were really doing it for yourself.  That's partly why I never really liked Oprah.  Do good and brag about so the whole world will know what a great person you are just rubbed me the wrong way.  Although, to be fair, that is what people do now.  They want the public acknowledgement and social media has made it worse.  Now they can tell the entire world!  And they do!  

[Cakers3]

People cannot control what others think of their good deeds.

If somebody gives praise it certainly does not negate the good deed;  why would it?

We cannot determine who is looking for attention.  Some may be very obvious but not every person who does a good deed is seeking attention. 

Thinking that way is meant to negate the good deed on purpose and why would somebody do that?

Making up scenarios that didn't happen just to negate something nice another poster did is a back door way of negating that deed for no other reason than attempting to seem to have ownership of everyone and it fails miserably.

In fact it doesn't take much thinking at all.

[QueenDanceALot]

---

@Cakers3 wrote:

People cannot control what others think of their good deeds.

If somebody gives praise it certainly does not negate the good deed;  why would it?

We cannot determine who is looking for attention.  Some may be very obvious but not every person who does a good deed is seeking attention. 

Thinking that way is meant to negate the good deed on purpose and why would somebody do that?

Making up scenarios that didn't happen just to negate something nice another poster did is a back door way of negating that deed for no other reason than attempting to seem to have ownership of everyone and it fails miserably.

In fact it doesn't take much thinking at all.

---

Wait a minute.  Who thinks that every person who does a good deed is seeking attention?

Rather, many feel that those who do a good deed and then go on to tell everyone about it are seeking attention.

[Cakers3]

---

@QueenDanceALot wrote:

---

@Cakers3 wrote:

People cannot control what others think of their good deeds.

If somebody gives praise it certainly does not negate the good deed;  why would it?

We cannot determine who is looking for attention.  Some may be very obvious but not every person who does a good deed is seeking attention. 

Thinking that way is meant to negate the good deed on purpose and why would somebody do that?

Making up scenarios that didn't happen just to negate something nice another poster did is a back door way of negating that deed for no other reason than attempting to seem to have ownership of everyone and it fails miserably.

In fact it doesn't take much thinking at all.

---

Wait a minute.  Who thinks that every person who does a good deed is seeking attention?

Rather, many feel that those who do a good deed and then go on to tell everyone about it are seeking attention.

---

@QueenDanceALot   Who thinks that they are not? 

If I post that I made a donation, am I seeking attention??  No. 

And I'm also referring to the very unkind remark about the poster and the computer her DH and DS gave to a young child.

That poster made up a scenario and determined that the poster with the computer would have responded in a different manner if the recipient responded in a lukewarm manner because she had conditions put on that gift.

Never were any conditions put  in that story.  It was a nice share.  Nothing more, nothing less.

People can feel what they want but putting their feelings on others is not productive.

I don't care what people share about donations/deeds/whatever.  If some want to see it as a brag, great. 

Somebody (or animal) somewhere received another day in a shelter or a hot meal or help in a disaster.

Is everyone saying that no kindness should ever be discussed???

[QueenDanceALot]

---

Wait a minute.  Who thinks that every person who does a good deed is seeking attention?

Rather, many feel that those who do a good deed and then go on to tell everyone about it are seeking attention.

---

@QueenDanceALot   Who thinks that they are not? 

If I post that I made a donation, am I seeking attention??  No. 

And I'm also referring to the very unkind remark about the poster and the computer her DH and DS gave to a young child.

The poster made up a scenario and determined that the poster would have responded in a different manner because she had conditions put on that gift.

Never were any conditions put  in that story.  It was a nice share.  Nothing more, nothing less.

People can feel what they want but putting their feelings on others is not productive.

I don't care what people share about donations/deeds/whatever.  If some want to see it as a brag, great. 

Somebody (or animal) somewhere received another day in a shelter or a hot meal or help in a disaster.

Is everyone saying that no kindness should ever be discussed???

---

Really, all I said was that many see announcements of good deeds as being self congratulatory.  I see how some come across that way.  I personally don't see anyone DOING a good deed is looking for attention (like I already said), but telling everyone about it can be.  

I also posted that the more important thing is that the good is being done and is certainly a far better thing than doing bad.

As far as someone saying something about "conditions" being placed by someone, I have no idea and have no comment.

[Drythe]

@chrystaltree 

So, if someone does ‘a good deed’ and the recipient tells someone else about it, the good deed is “undone?”

*poor recipient who did nothing wrong

If I help a wounded animal heal, and a fellow rescuer tells someone, does the wound reappear?

*sad animal who is blameless 

I’m just not a person who believes in that level of vengeance and retaliation.