HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA - Page 9

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@leighagemini wrote:
Unless your daughter is under 18 or has a mental empairment you don't get to make her living decisions for her. If she wants to move to Florida, suck it up

@leighagemini The problem is that the daughter doesn't have enough money to support herself.She needs her Mother to move to Fla. with her because she needs her money. There is nothing to suck up.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

A 50 year old woman with a teenager wants to move to Florida.

Maybe she can afford it. OP, would the expenses be lower if they were to move? Would they, say, only need a 2-bedroom place instead of three? Is the electric bill higher because someone is home all day and needs the AC on for comfort? These things may make a difference in budgeting.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

I haven't read all of the posts, but some of them are very harsh. OP I don't think there is much you can do. It sounds like ,she isn't a mature person, despite her age

I wish you well

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

We have moved and been transferred 7 times in our lives so far. Every time we have made it an adventure. Yes, each place is different but each place had a lot to offer. It is all in one's attitude. Childen change schools and new Drs are found, it all works out.

None of us know the dynamics of your family. I wish you all good luck.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
So you took care of your granddaughter.

Good for you.

That's what grandparents do.

You certainly are not the only grandmother to take care of the grandchild.

What do you want?

A medal?

Just because you did take care of your granddaughter, does not mean that your daughter owes you anything more than just a "Thank-you".
Are you a mother? I doubt it because mothers in no way are expected to take care of their grandchildren. In fact, it is the parent's responsibility not the grandparent's. In being there 24/7 Lindsay's Grandma helped her daughter get through a difficult divorce and added financial support to the equation. Her daughter now decided to leave and pursue her dreams but that doesn't mean she has to go along with it. Frankly, her daughter sounds selfish after all these years of devotion to her grandchild, her daughter is going to upset everything about her life at an advanced age. And what about her daughter changing schools? It isn't easy for a 13 year old to have to move. Sounds selfish and rash to me.

If mothers are not expected to take care of their grandchildren, are mothers expected to take care of their grandchildren's grandmothers? That's all too legalistic and impossible to work out of the basis of what people "have" to do and put up with in life.

To me, it sounds like there is some anger and resentment going both ways here. It sounds like this is not a happy family unit struggling together. It sounds like the daughter wants to try her wings in life whatever the outcome. It sounds like the mom is terrified to live on her own without the daughter and grandchild.

I am sure everyone involved is terrified.

Is there any way where the daughter and grandchild might get their own place where you currently live? Is there any way mom could go into assisted living in Florida? Something is going to have to give here. There are no good answers to satisfy everyone, so something is going to have to be decided and worked out, or the BIG blowup is going to happen. And NOBODY is going to be happy then.

Get creative, get counseling, and get an answer to this issue. It won't go away. Decide what is most important to you, decide what can be done, and then live with it as best you can. This is no way to live. Some guidelines and boundaries really need to be established--and counseling might help find a way to live better with one another.

You need lots of prayers, compassion, and understanding for all three of you.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@CouponQueen wrote:
Letting her sink/swim would be great if we weren't talking about a 13-year-old also on this little adventure.

They rely on EACH other for financial support. Which in this day/age is understandable...along with being there as a family UNIT since her grandaughter was one...so that is 12-years.

To me the daughter has already made the move from CA to AZ and the OP followed...now she wants to make another move..the OP was/is for a move but just not this one..I dont' think clearly the daughter is really putting any thought into this plan..lets just up and move..if they are sharing financial burdens now..then no the daughter does not have the funds to live alone much less make this move alone.

I totally get the OP going even though she doesn't want to..this is her daughter and precious grandaughter she basically raised! Who wants to send them off without the proper finances and without her assistance...sink or swim...great if a child wasn't involved...

And if the OP was not here tomorrow (no one is guaranteed another day), what skills would the OP have instilled in her daughter so she will be able to carry on and take care of her own daughter.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

leighagemini · ‎06-15-2013

@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@leighagemini wrote:
Unless your daughter is under 18 or has a mental empairment you don't get to make her living decisions for her. If she wants to move to Florida, suck it up

@leighagemini The problem is that the daughter doesn't have enough money to support herself.She needs her Mother to move to Fla. with her because she needs her money. There is nothing to suck up.

The OP said her daughter has a job waiting for her. The OP has also stated that SHE can not make it on her own. This sounds like the mom doesn't want to lose half the rent

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

The OP is writing off Florida without even giving it a chance. She visited once and didn't like the mosquito bites - did you ever hear of insect repellant? They don't have mosquitos everywhere? Or some other biting insect.She doesn't like Arizona either - it seems she longs for what she can't afford - calif. and no where else is going to make her happy. The COL in Florida is very low and they may be better off financially here.Now, personally, I prefer the west coast, but maybe they can adjust to the culture on the east coast, apparently they have relatives there who like it.

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@leighagemini wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@leighagemini wrote:
Unless your daughter is under 18 or has a mental empairment you don't get to make her living decisions for her. If she wants to move to Florida, suck it up

@leighagemini The problem is that the daughter doesn't have enough money to support herself.She needs her Mother to move to Fla. with her because she needs her money. There is nothing to suck up.
The OP said her daughter has a job waiting for her. The OP has also stated that SHE can not make it on her own. This sounds like the mom doesn't want to lose half the rent

Yes she said the daughter has a job but not enough money to support herself. The daughter is the one insisting the Mother (who does not want to move) go with them so the Mother can help support the daughter.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
I forgot to mention we live together. We share expenses and I am here for Lindsay and have been since she was born. My daughter is divorced and can't afford to make it on her own. Therefore, when she makes a decision to move it affects my life.

@Lindsays Grandma

She decided she's going and expects you to just uproot yourself and doesn't care what you think? Let her go, and stay where you are. Both my sisters moved to Florida at different times and stayed only a few years and moved back home.

IMO ..... Let her go, and stay where you are!