HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA - Page 8

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

Your daughter is dependent on your monthly financial help to survive. You've stated that you can't get things that you need because of that. Why she thinks she can move to FL on her own and survive is puzzling. The a/c is going to run there just as much as it does in AZ because of the humidity. It also needs to be said that Lindsey isn't going to be living at home forever. She's reaching the age where she's going to be leaving home herself. Your daughter's attitude leaves much to be desired-she said you could stay there and rot. That's awful and shows she doesn't care or appreciate all that you have done for her. Frankly, she can NOT tell you what to do nor DEMAND that you blindly do as she wishes. She thinks she has you over a barrel. She doesn't.

So it's time to move on yourself. Let her move, let her make her own mistakes without mom there to bail her out. It's difficult, yes, because Lindsey is involved. I understand that. But at your daughter's age and stage of life it's critical that she make this move on her own and you stay behind. I don't know if you two own the home where you live or rent but I hope you rent.

As a senior you are eligible for many services, start looking into them. Check into a senior services office, there has to be one locally. There are apartment complexes for seniors-see if there are any in your area. You may well qualify for low income senior housing. Starting off on your own at your stage of life is going to be difficult, I won't sugar coat this. But if your daughter is willing to stick it to you now, she will do it again. She did it with the move from CA. Again, please check into what services are available to you as a senior.

The one thing I get from this is that she will not be happy staying in AZ if you were to be able to influence her. You will not be happy in FL, you don't want to move. It's time for you to make yourself the priority here. YOU are just as important as she is, but she can no longer make decisions that completely effect your life.

I wish you the best....and if you could manage to move back to CA would you have a support system of friends? Family? She's not your only child....In most areas there are very good services available to CA seniors.

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@CouponQueen wrote:
For the life of me..I don't get the RUDE responses to people. Yes, it is a free country and we can say what we wish within guidelines but seriously it sounds like some have cheerios that have been perpetually soiled in every morning.

I totally understand where the OP is coming from. If you don't have grandchildren or children that you live with and are extremely close to..then you would not understand.

People do not read and comprehend..she is very distraught this is her support system and her FAMILY an vice versa...I would be very upset too.

They live together for financial reasons and also she cared for her granddaughter. This isn't like she just came back from a wonderful vacation and wants to relocate. She is doing this on the whim..and sounds like a not very well thought out plan either.

Those of you who said what is the big deal that is what grandparents do? Oh really?? They raise their grandchildren, take them to/from school...home work etc. Not your average grandparent..

Plaid Pants - why are you so darn nasty? I find your responses on every thread to be rude and inconsiderate....but when you are on here with your problems and issues it is a different story..you don't like the rude responses..I can think of a couple different issues you have posted about..and boo hooed about people not being nice. Stomping your feet cause daddy didn't respond to your birthday as you wanted/expected..but you have to be rude to just about everybody..

Sometimes if you have nothing NICE to say..why bother say it at all? Keep it to yourself.

There are a couple that stand out here all the time that just don't have it in them to be NICE to others but when their great dilemma is posted ..different story...they don't want negative responses..

Filters and Socials skills should be mandatory online education before having access to the internet.

Do people really enjoy kicking people when they are down? Somebody comes here with a burden they share and they get kicked..

The OP was heartfelt and sincere..I don't think she was asking to be beat up for having great apprehension on this move..that she isn't happy with..that her daughter has not planned out very well..including uprooting her daughter who is a teenage on a whim...major moves cost a lot of time and money...and you should also have done a heck of a lot research to make sure you have everything covered, thought out etc. Teenagers already face many issues/hurdles in life..so lets on a whim, because you want to..move them to another state, climate etc without a thought how it may affect them..and more so if their grandmother who sounds to be the most stable influence in her life...was looking into assisted living ...

I personally know somebody who had her grandmother live with them and raise them from infant to 12 years old..falling out happened when grandma could not longer physically be babysitter, maid and chief bottle washer as they say..and out the door she went..well that poor girl is having severe mental and emotional issues..is in therapy and the therapist said you took away without warning and unfairly in her mind, the most person she loved most and raised her..while mommy was being a professional student and daddy was working four jobs to support them so mommy could be... So there is just more than the OP to be concerned about making such a move without a reason/plan in place...just uproot children because the parent wants to..very selfish in my book..family decision when the parents get a job offer they can't turn down, or military life etc..but single mom who hasn't been able to swing it financially on her own...just doesn't do that.

The OP cannot just abandon them and send them off on this venture alone knowning it is her daugher and grandaughter who rely on her also for a support network and financial support as well.

I wish I had the answers Lindsey...I feel your pain. Maybe suggest she visit the area... has she chose a particular area that she wants to move to? Maybe visit that for a couple weeks to get the feel of the area - etc..with an open mind.. I am sending you cyber hugs and support..

@CouponQueen I can't give enough hearts to your post. EVERYTHING you posted is spot on.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

@Lindsays Grandma, has your daughter EVER lived on her own? She's in her early 50s; how long did she live with her husband, your granddaughter's father?

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

You keep saying she is making a mistake. You may be right yet she should have been allowed to make them and learn from them long before now. What would she do if you were not around tomorrow?

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@Lindsays Grandma Maybe you can try and get yourself financially secure so you can survive without your daughter. Find a cheaper place to live or some type of part time job. Senior services in your town. Take care of yourself and try and find a solution for yourself.

If you can find a way to stay in AZ without your daughters financial help, then the rest of the problem is her problem. She can go on her own or stay. The biggest problem I see is you being able to financially survive on your own.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

OP, you could have said no from the very beginning.

You said she always gets her way...why?

Let her sink or swim, you didn't.

You said you hoped she would have met someone in AZ. Where would that have left you? Living with them? You said you couldn't afford to live on your own so how would that have worked out?

You could have stayed in CA and told her to figure it out. Now the mold is set.

leighagemini · ‎06-15-2013

Unless your daughter is under 18 or has a mental empairment you don't get to make her living decisions for her. If she wants to move to Florida, suck it up

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@truffle wrote:
Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future. If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word. It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her. I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable. You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.

This is way too heavy-handed for me. I can't imagine saying that to anyone under any circumstances.

It's basically saying the daughter has no life ahead of her isn't it? It's like her wants and needs simpy don't count. I think that is scary on a number of levels.

Or is she someone who simply is incapable of making good decisions and whose life is a mess?

What are we REALLY talking about here

Nitefall · ‎03-10-2010

We moved to Florida from Ohio 14 years ago to follow our only son who moved there after his divorce. BIGGEST MISTAKE we ever made! Let her go if you don't want to go DO NOT GO you will be miserable. Aside from the bugs and hurricanes and humidity the culture is totally different. We must have an east coast mind set we just could never adjust, we have our house up for sale even as we speak. Good Luck!!!

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

Letting her sink/swim would be great if we weren't talking about a 13-year-old also on this little adventure.

They rely on EACH other for financial support. Which in this day/age is understandable...along with being there as a family UNIT since her grandaughter was one...so that is 12-years.

To me the daughter has already made the move from CA to AZ and the OP followed...now she wants to make another move..the OP was/is for a move but just not this one..I dont' think clearly the daughter is really putting any thought into this plan..lets just up and move..if they are sharing financial burdens now..then no the daughter does not have the funds to live alone much less make this move alone.

I totally get the OP going even though she doesn't want to..this is her daughter and precious grandaughter she basically raised! Who wants to send them off without the proper finances and without her assistance...sink or swim...great if a child wasn't involved...