Community Chat

[NYC Susan]

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@granny me wrote:

It's my opinion you should let your daughter go with your blessings. It's her life, and she needs to experience and live out her dreams. I am sure you will miss her, but pushing her to stay may push her away in ways you don't want.

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Exactly.  It's her life.  One of my sons moved far away, and I miss him very much.  But he is happy and thriving and living a wonderful life.  I would never even consider living where he lives, but he loves it there.  I never wanted anyone to tell me where I should live, and I wouldn't do it to anyone else either.

This is tough, I know, but she deserves to be respected enough to make her own decisions.  

[granny me]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

Do you have to go with her?  If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was.  Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back.  Florida is even worse.  All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators.  Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp.  Summers hot, hot, hotter.

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I want to move to Florida and you're raining on my parade.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

@Lindsays Grandma if you are living together to share expenses & she cannot make it on her own, just how does she plan to move to Florida?

Does she just expect you to go, too, without your agreement?

[Reba055]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

Do you have to go with her?  If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was.  Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back.  Florida is even worse.  All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators.  Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp.  Summers hot, hot, hotter.

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@Kachina624 With all due respect, I haven't seen a palmetto bug in years and years, or any bugs. Well, an occasional earwig when it rains a lot. You use an exterminator service. No bugs. See anything, call for retreat. No bugs. No lizards in my house either. Yes, there is an occasional snake. Most are harmless and don't bother you if you don't bother them.Having a black snake around keeps the poisonous snakes away.  And I hate snakes. Yikes. You do run the AC, but nothing in my house has ever been moldy or mildewed. The gator thing is overblown. There's a lot of people living in FL. How many gators do you see?

It might not be for everyone but it's not like it was in the 50's and 60's, lol. Live in a newer home and run your air when it's hot. And yes, it's hot in the summer, period.  Most  people adjust to the heat and humidity in a few years. 

And you don't sit outside in the summer without being in a screened enclosure or burning citronella (tiki torches) which works quite well. Most municipalities spray and keep mosquitoes down. Especially now. It's not that awful 😊

[granny me]

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@Reba055 wrote:

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@Kachina624 wrote:

Do you have to go with her?  If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was.  Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back.  Florida is even worse.  All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators.  Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp.  Summers hot, hot, hotter.

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@Kachina624 With all due respect, I haven't seen a palmetto bug in years and years, or any bugs. Well, an occasional earwig when it rains a lot. You use an exterminator service. No bugs. See anything, call for retreat. No bugs. No lizards in my house either. Yes, there is an occasional snake. Most are harmless and don't bother you if you don't bother them.Having a black snake around keeps the poisonous snakes away.  And I hate snakes. Yikes. You do run the AC, but nothing in my house has ever been moldy or mildewed. The gator thing is overblown. There's a lot of people living in FL. How many gators do you see?

It might not be for everyone but it's not like it was in the 50's and 60's, lol. Live in a newer home and run your air when it's hot. And yes, it's hot in the summer, period.  Most  people adjust to the heat and humidity in a few years. 

And you don't sit outside in the summer without being in a screened enclosure or burning citronella (tiki torches) which works quite well. Most municipalities spray and keep mosquitoes down. Especially now. It's not that awful 😊

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You restore my dream in moving to Florida.

[KathyPet]

YOu are telling us why you don't want to go to FL. But are not telling us why your daughter is so insistent on going. WHat is so great that she wants to move there?  HAs she ever been there?

[truffle]

Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future.  If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word.  It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her.  I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable.  You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.  

[Plaid Pants2]

O/p,

Is your opposition to her moving to Florida really about the bugs, or is it about something more?

You, yourself said that your daughter has a job waiting for her.

Is your opposition really about how your "baby"  is now an adult woman, embarking on living her own life, and that means that you won't see her as often as you are use to seeing her, which is every day?

It sounds as if you depend on her, like a security blanket, and you have lost your own identity while being wrapped up in being her mother.

I think that you are scared of having to live your life for yourself, without your daughter in it.

The more that you oppose her moving, the more she will dig her heals in, and you run the risk of alienating her, and losing her forever.

Ask yourself, is it really worth that risk?

Also, the job of parents is to raise kids that are confident, and that want to spread their wings and leave the nest.

Afterall, you did. You moved from New York to California, to pursue your dreams.

Why would you want to stand in the way of letting your daughter pursue hers?

I don't say this to be unkind, but I think that you are being a bit selfish in trying to stop your daughter from moving, because, honestly, I think that this is more about you, than her moving.

You have said your piece, she knows how you feel.

Now the rest is up to her.

It's not your place to try to stop her from pursuing her dreams, simply because it makes you uncomfortable.

[NYC Susan]

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@truffle wrote:

Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future.  If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word.  It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her.  I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable.  You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.  

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This is way too heavy-handed for me.  I can't imagine saying that to anyone under any circumstances.

[Lindsays Grandma]

No she has never been to FL .  I went along with her decision to leave CA to live in AZ.   We share expenses because she doesn't earn enough to pay for all the bills.  The electric bills are out of sight due to running the A/C 24/7 for 8 to 9 months.  It was a mistake to leave CA and I would consider moving because I don't care for AZ but FL is not on my list.  I was the one who took care of Lindsay for thirteen years, taking her to day care and picking her up.  When she started charter school I am the one who got up with her to get her ready and take her to the bus and pick her up at the end of the day.  Helped her with her homework, etc.  My daughter certainly could not have paid someone to do all of this.  To those of you who think I am trying to stop my daughter from living her dream is ridiculous.  She is my daughter and Lindsay is my granddaughter and I have been here for them and will be until I am no longer here.  She wants to get out of AZ and picked FL.  I always hoped she would meet someone but it didn't happen and I don't know what she will do once I am gone, I'm no getting younger. She has a tendency to make choices and decisions without doing her homework. If she insists I have no choice.  At this point I am sorry I started this thread and if I knew how I would delete it.  She divorced her husband before Lindsay was a year old due to a drug problem he had and I retired shortly after and have we have been together ever since.